[DSM521]

You made it sound funny about doing it in her underwear.....sorry, but thanks for the giggle. Maybe taking it to the lab was a bit over the top too. But, the question you originally posted was 'Discharge in wifes underwear?', so, I presumed that to be a good clue. :p

I admire you for wanting to put your energy into your marriage, and to make it work. That being said, I don't think that is possible without your wife getting to the reasons she has broken her vows, had an affair with another man, and essentially doesn't think that she needs to change. I don't know that she can be trusted without accountability in other words, and that is only going to come through honest dialogue.

I don't see a lot of remorse, guilt, anxiety, or accountability from her. As you said, she's sorry she got caught, sorry she's hurt you, but the most important part- why it happened, and why it isn't going to happen again, are, or should be, the bottom line for rebuilding trust.

And if there is no trust, what can you base a future on.

All good points Jake. I can't say for sure that she is not sorry for having the affair, she says she is. Its just a gut feeling I get. As to the reasons it happened we are working on getting to those in counseling. It's a long process but we are getting there. She has major communication problems as she grew up in an adviorment that did not encourage that kind of thing. I see she is putting in a lot of effort in the counseling even though it is very difficult for her. Rebuilding the trust is just going to be a long road.

[Jake2008]

I sincerely hope that it can all come out in the open. Then you can start re-building.

I wish you all the best.

[DSM521]

I sincerely hope that it can all come out in the open. Then you can start re-building.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for the kind words.