[Wondergirl]

We studied him in one grad school course. My older son is autistic, as is my husband. New theories about autism have overtaken Bettelheim's. As a teacher and counselor, I was very interested in his ideas regarding children's fantasies and the way they remember, especially in light of the recovered memory problems of 20 years ago or so.

As I said, I've pulled us away from linguistics.

[jan100]

We studied him in one grad school course. My older son is autistic, as is my husband. New theories about autism have overtaken Bettelheim's. As a teacher and counselor, I was very interested in his ideas regarding children's fantasies and the way they remember, especially in light of the recovered memory problems of 20 years ago or so.

As I said, I've pulled us away from linguistics.

Still sounds interesting to me and seems to have personal value for you.:)

[Wondergirl]

You should be a counselor. You know the right things to say. :D

[jan100]

Seems like it is always easier to say the right things than actually putting them to action. Obviously for me the hard part is to forgive and move on.

So, today I went to my first therapy session. Not exactly what I expected. I spoke for 45 minutes and the therapists said that I may need long-term therapy, which she could refer me to off campus. The other option was to participate in a long-term group therapy, which begins next semester.

So, I guess it would be more financial to wait for the group therapy.

Huh... I pour my heart out with my issues and I end up with no further therapy. Felt like I was left there hanging with no other option.

She suggested long-term therapy, since she believed that my current and past relationship seemed to be somewhat linked to my adolescent trauma.

I was actually beaten somewhat half to death during junior high and high school in this all-girl private school back home.

Corporate punishment was legal and pervasively used in our school. So I endured 5 years of it. My parents were aware, of course, but they couldn't help, because that was how the school system back home was like. Worse, the teachers were the ones that wrote recommendations for college.

I guess society is to blame. Compared to other girls, I was the target for most of the beatings. Why? I had lived in the States at a young age and spoke fluent English. I was considered an anomaly, so the anger was geared towards me. Plus, I wasn't a fluent native speaker either. (Hmmm... I was a foreigner in my own country, so to speak.)

So, yes, I was beaten, hospitalized, been slapped around-broke my glasses, etc... but I survived. But never realized that it was affecting my self-esteem in an unconscious way. I guess that's why I have a harder time than others experiencing pain after break-ups? Wish I knew the answers.

I really don't know, but I do realize that the anxiety before the beatings were somewhat similar to the anxiety I felt after a break up. Not sure if there is any direct correlation though.

This is scary stuff
Things I didn't know about myself are really coming out now...

More confused after the therapy.

[Wondergirl]

So, I guess it would be more financial to wait for the group therapy.

Yes, it would, but can you find counseling that's on a sliding scale?

This is scary stuff
Things I didn't know about myself are really coming out now...

More confused after the therapy.

All the more reason to keep this moving now. Next semester is a long way away. And individual would be more helpful than group.

I vote for searching for a counselor you can afford and whom you are comfortable with.

[jan100]

Hmmm...
I feel like I will be okay since I seem to have been living a normal life before all this happened. And if remnants of my past are going to interfere in some way in my social life later...

Do you think self-help resources will be a good option as well?

I admit, I am a bit apprehensive of going too deep into the past- if I think I might be able to help myself through self-help materials.

Just a thought

[beachloverjohn]

I think you have made some great choices in life, unfortunately not in men. Keep trying, you are a great catch

[KBC]

As much as I like to post this site,I really do believe you could benefit from it:

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

In relationships,to ensure you aren't getting in over your head,too involved and losing YOU in the mix.

With the undergrads,to not be too close to rescuing them from themselves.

Focusing on your needs,your future,your goals instead of being sidetracked by all this other stimuli,is has shown it's true self.It has robbed you of you abilities to be what you want to be.

Take a step back,a weekend,a day,I don't know how much time you can take for YOU and you alone,but step back and do for you what you have been doing for all these others.

My Epiphany came when I began seeing a massage therapist.I was constantly seeking not only approval from all others but would strive for perfection in all my pursuits.Until she had me on the table(took months),and with all that time she enlightened me into the world of relaxation, not laziness,just the ability to take inventory of things,re-prioritize my focus without stress being a major roll.

Your choice of career will not be rewarding if you see it as a stress factor. Relationships also will be unsuccessful without the YOU in the picture.

Look into that site I posted,I know it has helped many people on this and many other sites t see the real truth behind setting boundaries.

Hope this helps:)

KBC

[jan100]

As much as I like to post this site,I really do believe you could benefit from it:

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

In relationships,to ensure you aren't getting in over your head,too involved and loosing YOU in the mix.

With the undergrads,to not be too close to rescuing them from themselves.

Focusing on your needs,your future,your goals instead of being sidetracked by all this other stimuli,is has shown it's true self.It has robbed you of you abilities to be what you want to be.

Take a step back,a weekend,a day,I don't know how much time you can take for YOU and you alone,but step back and do for you what you have been doing for all these others.

My Epiphany came when I began seeing a massage therapist.I was constantly seeking not only approval from all others but would strive for perfection in all my pursuits.Until she had me on the table(took months),and with all that time she enlightened me into the world of relaxation,,not laziness,just the ability to take inventory of things,re-prioritize my focus without stress being a major roll.

Your choice of career will not be rewarding if you see it as a stress factor. Relationships also will be unsuccessful without the YOU in the picture.

Look into that site I posted,I know it has helped many people on this and many other sites t see the real truth behind setting boundaries.

Hope this helps:)

KBC

Oh wow. The website you recommended was great. It kind of helped me pinpoint some of the underlying issues I had -setting boundaries for myself.

I think I was never allowed to have boundaries-for fear of not getting want I wanted (e.g college), so I guess I gradually learned how to tolerate a lot of unwanted habits from others as well.

After reading all this, I am thinking of reconsidering continuous counseling.

[KBC]

Oh wow. The website you recommended was great. It kind of helped me pinpoint some of the underlying issues I had -setting boundaries for myself.

I think I was never allowed to have boundaries-for fear of not getting want I wanted (e.g college), so I guess I gradually learned how to tolerate a lot of unwanted habits from others as well.

After reading all this, I am thinking of reconsidering continuous counseling.

It did wonders for me, finding the right therapist you can relate to,much less respect and believe in,, well,that's a part of the search;)

I am gladdened you see what that site offers,many just look it over and move on,not understandig or in total denial of it.Their loss,right:)

If it's counseling you are seeking,there has to be a student advocate who can put you on the right path.That's what they're there for,don't allow silly fears or shame stop you from seeking this help.. it will be worth it!

Good hunting,

KBC

[jan100]

In my office right now trying to get a lot of work done that is already past due.

Everyone out at this pumpkin patch festival, but I'm stuck alone trying to get work done. Kind of depressing on a Saturday.

Went out Friday alone to buy some underclothes. Was interesting since I don't go shopping alone without friends or someone.

Felt kind of weird being all alone. I think my workload adds to the loneliness. Oh well, we have those days when u just feel down. I guess today is one of those days. Guess I'll just have to put up with it. Hate these days...

But, I called yesterday about referrals to private counseling so that is one big step I'm taking. Will talk to them Monday about my options. Kind of excited and scared.

Last night I was kind of down. So after underwear shopping
I watched a dvd called "An Education." Sounded just like my life. Was pretty interesting. I strongly recommend it

[Wondergirl]

How about rescuing a couple of adult cats from the local shelter? They sleep 16 hours a day, but will give you unconditional love and will allow you to open cans of cat food and clean their litter box.

[jan100]

Okay,
I'm reading Vygotsky and I'm trying to apply to ESL students.

[Wondergirl]

Okay,
I'm reading Vygotsky and I'm trying to apply to ESL students.

Hmmm, that's an interesting connection. How are you connecting any of his ideas to ESL students?

I like his idea regarding play (children).

[talaniman]

This and your other posts paint a picture of a very cerebral person, but is so tightly wound up emotionally she can't relax. I bet your sleep habits are lousy too.

May I suggest more balance through regular exercise? Nothing big, just something everyday that requires focus and sweat, and fresh air and sunshine, maybe a walk in the park with a Frisbee. Very mind clearing and stimulates the body into good eating and sleep patterns.

You talk about stress relief, pay as much attention to your physical body, as you do your mind and I can about guarantee some good results.

Do you have any idea what sitting at a desk reading, or sitting in a lecture hall does to your body? Look it up, the consequences are devastating, unless you take care of your body on a regular basis. I have a 10 minute rule for being at a desk everyday, get up every thirty minutes for at least 10 minutes, just to stretch, and relax the body muscles, especially the neck, shoulders, and upper back.

Your brain will love you, and be more efficient, when you pay attention to your body more, and eat and sleep well. It's a healthy balance, and you do know what they say about all work and no play makes a child a very dull person. Its worse for adults.

[jan100]

This and your other posts paint a picture of a very cerebral person, but is so tightly wound up emotionally she can't relax. I bet your sleep habits are lousy too.

May I suggest more balance thru regular exercise? Nothing big, just something everyday that requires focus and sweat, and fresh air and sunshine, maybe a walk in the park with a Frisbee. Very mind clearing and stimulates the body into good eating and sleep patterns.

You talk about stress relief, pay as much attention to your physical body, as you do your mind and I can about guarantee some good results.

Do you have any idea what sitting at a desk reading, or sitting in a lecture hall does to your body? Look it up, the consequences are devastating, unless you take care of your body on a regular basis. I have a 10 minute rule for being at a desk everyday, get up every thirty minutes for at least 10 minutes, just to stretch, and relax the body muscles, especially the neck, shoulders, and upper back.

Your brain will love you, and be more efficient, when you pay attention to your body more, and eat and sleep well. Its a healthy balance, and you do know what they say about all work and no play makes a child a very dull person. Its worse for adults.

Thanks. I think I've been uptight for quite a while-using work as an excuse to keep myself even busier.

I took your advice and actually went to the gym.
It did feel really good- although I should've worked out in moderation.

Next time I'll take it slow.