I don't know

Wildcat21 · Sep 20, 2005, 02:48 PM

Heartache IS avoidable.

You put too much importance into this - you need OTHER things in your life ALWAYS!! Women are PART of your life - NOT your life - remember that always!! Never forget that!!

When you are busy with friends, family, work, WORKOUTS, school, religion, HOBBIES, etc. - she WILL know you are a man and that she can feel safe tha tyou Won't make her your world - women hate that!!

I think again, you put too much importance in this - she's kind of hijacked your brain. Not good.

See when you put a woman a head of you, all these avoidable problems occur.

Take your time with this - AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD!! DON'T SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH HER!! PLEASE!!

letmeno · Sep 20, 2005, 06:44 PM

I have to say that I do agree with wildcat. She sounds a little wishy washy to me but most of us are that way. She thought she wanted the break up, she got it and now she is not real sure if she done the right thing. Since you don't really have a clue as to what bag she might come out of next, play it slow and easy. As chery said, ask her out for lunch and see where the conversation goes. I wouldn't advise you to tell her that you miss her and want her back, that would put your heart on your sleeve and open up the door for hurt. If you are dating someone else, don't stop. I wouldn't stop dating anyone on the account of this young lady. Just start as friends to be on the safe side and see where it goes. But don't share your true feelings just yet!

Wildcat21 · Sep 20, 2005, 06:53 PM

"I wouldn't advise you to tell her that you miss her and want her back"

Yes! Please don't tell her that. Too many people here tell others to do that. You put your heart on your sleeve and YOU ARE DONE - especially early. Give her the mystery she craves!!

Just take it easy and see where it goes.

one_life · Sep 29, 2005, 08:42 PM

I'm so nervous about even asking her for coffie or lunch. I don't know what she really wants (she seems to giving me mixed signels) she seems interested but never makes it clear. Since she is the one that left me, it is only right she makes the first move (that is only if she wants to get back together). I don't want to open myself to get hurt. But knowing her nature she expects me to make the first move as expainled in my previous posts.

I hate being stuck in this situation. I need to go about this, without being hurt. When she dumped me, that hurt like crazy and I don't think I can handle it this time around.

Now that she works in the same dept, I see more often, and yes sometimes it does bring back some of the pain. I think to myself, if she does not want to get back together, then I don't think I can handle being her friend, or seeing her around at the office too often.

I'm playing it cool and all. Never shared my feelings. Maybe that is why she does not want to make her move, because she is unsure of my feelings for her( I'm good at hiding my feelings, if I want to).

Any more advise.

letmeno · Sep 29, 2005, 09:06 PM

Take it easy!! She is not a stranger or anything, you know this woman remember?

She want's to see you on a more than friendship level. Take my word for it.

Ask her to lunch and just be easy about it. Take it slow, talk as friends, not ex lovers.
She is not going to make it clear to you that she may want to see you again because she screwed up, she hurt you, she knows it, and she is not really sure exactly how you feel about her since she is the one who dumped you. You may reject her. Remember, she is protecting herself right now also. She may want to see you again to see if she made a mistake, get involved with you again, decide it wasn't right and back out again. Keep that in mind too.

Just take it slow. Most importantly, BE FRIENDS FIRST!!
Casually joke with her and tell her that you noticed her checking you out, warm her up to you all over again, and remind her why she ever loved you in the first place. If you want solid proof of what her motives are, make her feel comfortable enough to open up. Don't talk about the break up, try and stay clear of that subject totally! Do not come off as you are still hurt, and upset. Make her believe that that is the past, you have moved on and you are over it. That will put her at ease of any hard feelings you may have.

You can do this. You have the advantage because you know her intamately and personally. You know how to put her at ease and you know how to make her feel comfortable. That is the key to getting a woman to open up. Put her mind at ease.

Chery · Sep 30, 2005, 08:18 AM

It all sounds to me that after the breakup, she had expected you to reflect and grow and is checking to see if you did so. From what you said about 'acting' you did not learn much, and still wonder why she left you in the first place. Well, try and write down what you think you did right and what you think you did wrong (you, not her), as for every action there is a reaction, and she reacted by leaving you, so there's a hint. If you have had other relationships since then, and they did not go any further or they no longer exist, then you really need to do an attitude check on yourself. Wondering and asking for advice when you are not sure about yourself, is not going to help you much. If it's reassurance you seek, then you need to get that from yourself too, not strangers who don't get the 'whole picture'. Get to like yourself before requesting this of others. Good Luck in introducing yourself to YOU!

one_life · Sep 30, 2005, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

It all sounds to me that after the breakup, she had expected you to reflect and grow and is checking to see if you did so. From what you said about 'acting' you did not learn much, and still wonder why she left you in the first place. Well, try and write down what you think you did right and what you think you did wrong (you, not her), as for every action there is a reaction, and she reacted by leaving you, so there's a hint. If you have had other relationships since then, and they did not go any further or they no longer exist, then you really need to do an attitude check on yourself. Wondering and asking for advice when you are not sure about yourself, is not going to help you much. If it's reassurance you seek, then you need to get that from yourself too, not strangers who don't get the 'whole picture'. Get to like yourself before requesting this of others. Good Luck in introducing yourself to YOU!.

What?? (sorry the post was to short so I had to add more questions marks)

Good luck dear

Chery · Sep 30, 2005, 05:13 PM

It's simple. She's checking to see if you learned anything from the past. Have you asked yourself why she broke up with you the first time. Check it out. Your nervousness is a sign that you are scared of rejection. Was that short enough?

one_life · Oct 1, 2005, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

It's simple. She's checking to see if you learned anything from the past. Have you asked yourself why she broke up with you the first time. Check it out. Your nervousness is a sign that you are scared of rejection. Was that short enough?

That is my whole point, I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of being hurt. Is it not normal to feel that way? I hate to make my feelings clear to her and just be turned down. It will hurt like crazy.
For God sakes, we were together for two years, we planned to marry each other. We loved each other. True love. I know some of you will say, if she loved you so much then why did she leave you. All I know for sure is that she left me and in my wildes dreams I never expected her to do that.
We were really close. But in the end that did not matter.

Trust me I've learned a lot from the breakup.What is puzzling is the fact you haven't a clue about what on between us and yet you judge me.

All I can say to you, is take it easy.

Chery · Oct 1, 2005, 07:12 PM

Please do not get me wrong, I judge nobody. My intent there was to give you 'food for thought'. I'm over 50 and 'been there, done that', so I know that we all make mistakes. But if we don't take the time to reflect back once in a while we don't learn from our past mistakes. That's what I meant. And you stating that you did learn from them should help you give her the information she's seeking right now. What she probably wants to know is if you have changed and learned from the past and if you are still interested in her. Otherwise she would not give you so many signals. Try writing a letter to her, even if you never send it, then read it yourself again, and see if you can pick up on what her reaction to that letter would be. Bounce it off on another female friend and ask her advice. Make a list of your current pros and cons that you still plan to work on, like gaining self-confidence for one. None of us is born with knowing it all, we learn as we go along life's path. Good Luck to you. P.S. You can even 'bounce it off' on me through a private message. Also check up on my profile and see my past answers, especially the one about 'a woman needing space and why'. If you can't find it, PM me any time. :)