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essen6 · Jan 22, 2010, 03:14 AM

Should I go out with her again? i.e. GF/BF...

Its essen6 here... since she is apparently still 'in love' with me shall I wait for a while(a couple of months) as I may find someone else to fill the void, and then voilà... she reappears!

Originally Posted by jre14

Don't you hate it when it seems like the girl is pushing for commitment only to see that she calls it off. what the fu*k is that?

I'm in the same situation, man.

ps. why can't I post w"t"f?

Its complete BS buddy... the situation women put us in and the fact that we cannot abuse freely on this site...

LJDK · Jan 22, 2010, 03:25 AM

Yes.

amicon · Jan 22, 2010, 03:26 AM

I wouldn't wait around, ess.

Too much confusion and why stay stuck in limbo. My take on this has always been if they can't make up their minds-I can.
And I choose to get on with my own life.

I wouldn't go looking for a new romance until I was completely over the ex though.

Rebounds don't work.
They're not fair on the new person either.

Move on is my suggestion.

essen6 · Jan 22, 2010, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by jre14

Don't you hate it when it seems like the girl is pushing for commitment only to see that she calls it off. what the fu*k is that?

I'm in the same situation, man.

ps. why can't I post w"t"f?

What are you doing about it jre14? Any tips/pointers?

LJDK · Jan 22, 2010, 03:28 AM

I would go for a rebound. Just make it clear to the other person you are not looking for something serious. Fair warning.

essen6 · Jan 22, 2010, 03:33 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

I wouldnt wait around, ess.

Too much confusion and why stay stuck in limbo. My take on this has always been if they can't make up their minds-I can.
And I choose to get on with my own life.

I wouldnt go looking for a new romance until I was completely over the ex though.

Rebounds dont work.
They're not fair on the new person either.

Move on is my suggestion.

essen6 here... Thanks amicon.. if she comes back in the near future and I'm still single... what do I do?

essen6 · Jan 22, 2010, 03:45 AM

Originally Posted by LJDK

Yes.

Why do you say that LJDK? Maybe we have another opportunity to get to know one another better... I'm just scared she'll do it again...

LJDK · Jan 22, 2010, 04:02 AM

Well if she comes back, and wants to go out again then why not? I have seen wonderful relationships work out after a break. Sometimes someone just need to clear their head.

I could have said no, which is the logical thing to do... but at the end of the day you will have to figure this one out for yourself. You will have to disregard all 3rd party input and just meditate on your needs, the possibilities of you two spending your life together.

You can gather all the advise in the world, but in the end the only thing that matters is what you think about it all, how you feel and if you are happy.

In the mean time, I would seriously focus more on one thing. Your needs outside of relationships.

My sister and her husband have been through hell and back. Breaking up while engaged. Getting back together a few months later. Now they have kids, they are really both happy... sure they still have issues here and there, but who does not?

All I am saying is, regardless of my opinions or others... its yours that matters. But weigh your options and clear your head before you do.

essen6 · Jan 22, 2010, 04:13 AM

You're right... I depend too heavily on 'relationships' to make me feel complete/connected... she made me the happiest guy in the world (corny.. but true.. ).. Thanks LJDK.. my needs are to be with someone who is my best friend, not the typical GF/wife/fiance... and that's what I found in her(I've had about 5 serious relationships)... I am in no rush of getting married or even for that matter wanting to be in another relationship!

essen6 · Jan 28, 2010, 02:55 AM

Uncontrolled Thoughts

emopunk7 · Jan 28, 2010, 03:04 AM

Please give more details. Your ex cheated on you? Guessing this was a while ago? She cheated on you with her ex? If this is the case, then that can be very hurtful and it will take time to get over. You must know that generally does not happen. Your ex isn't deserving of your love nor time so give it time and move on. There are better people out there.

amicon · Jan 28, 2010, 03:39 AM

Ess-is this your ex from your other thread?
More details please.

essen6 · Jan 28, 2010, 05:04 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Ess-is this your ex from your other thread?
More details please.

Yup... same one... she cheated on me with her ex on new years eve... we were having a few problems and didn't spend that night together... I found out after we broke up that she had cheated... why can't I get that vision of her and the ex out of my mind? Its haunting me!

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Please give more details. Your ex cheated on you? Guessing this was a while ago? She cheated on you with her ex? If this is the case, then that can be very hurtful and it will take time to get over. You must know that generally does not happen. Your ex isn't deserving of your love nor time so give it time and move on. There are better people out there.

Yup.. she was not my ex at the time (new years eve).. we broke up about 10 days ago but I found out 3 days ago what she had done... I really loved/love her... yes I know she has her own flaws and is young.. if she comes back and apolgises for cheating and means it shall consider taking her back?

essen6 · Jan 28, 2010, 05:11 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Ess-is this your ex from your other thread?
More details please.

The damn image of her making out with her ex is haunting me amicon... mentally and physically..! How should I deal with that apart from drinking or numbing oneself through medication?. was thinking of taking lexotinal for a while... I'm not trying to be weak and turn to medication its just that thought is embedded in my mind and can't get rid of it!

amicon · Jan 28, 2010, 05:24 AM

Well that's awful,sad how we live and learn.

Don't use any substance to selfmedicate,however,that'll only make it worse.

You know,sometimes we just have to go through the pain till it goes away.

Keeping busy helps.
And letting it sink in that the reasons for the breakup were more than met the eye.

Take her back? Why?
She obviously wasn't the person you thought she was.

LJDK · Jan 28, 2010, 05:25 AM

Sounds to me like its time you get some rebounds going.

amicon · Jan 28, 2010, 06:37 AM

I would strongly advice you against going down the rebound route.
It's not fair on the rebound and it won't help you heal.

You need to be completely over an ex before you start thinking of having a new relationship.

Stick to your NC now,take it one day at the time,be around people who care for you and stay busy.

Take care.

Romefalls19 · Jan 28, 2010, 10:18 AM

LJ, horrible advice. Rebounds aren't the answer, in reality they cause more problems.

All I can say to the OP is that things do get better, each day is a struggle until one day it starts hurting less and less and then one morning you wake up and the pain isn't there anymore. It's like a scar, when you first cut yourself, it hurts and bleeds(tears) then it starts to heal but still hurts if you touch it. Once it finally heals, you are still reminded of the wound(your ex and love) but it doesn't hurt to touch

talaniman · Jan 28, 2010, 01:15 PM

Fact is she cheated, and has other things to do besides marry you. Cheating is a big deal breaker, and her lack of honesty, or commitment is a red flag that her priorities don't match yours at all.

Rome is correct, this will hurt for a while, but when you make up your mind to do other things, and keep her out of your life, your wounds will heal.

On another note, please stop starting new threads, and just add to this one. The facts being in one place, helps the input you get.

rosemcs · Jan 28, 2010, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by rosemcs

Well, since it takes two to get married and one of you wants to postpone it, then that is as far as it can go. There is a lot that can happen in two years and it would be very difficult to try and continue in a relationship if you can't even see her.

Let her go and if it is meant to be, you can pick up where you left off later...but don't wait around for her. There are way too may unforeseen circumstances.

I am quoting my first post... I know it's redundant, but realize that this was one of those unforseen circumstances and imagine that it could have happened at any time in your relationship, especially overseas.

If you give yourself many months of healing, you will physically watch yourself going from emotionally attached, to barely attached at all, or even DISliking her. It's a progression. You have to just go day by day, focusing on your future goals instead of her. It will slowly heal, and you will be proud of yourself, when you realize you barely thought of her once during the day. Read the stickies in the Relationship Forum and you won't feel alone.