[jordanian11]

Threads merged

Hi
My boyfriend is always away
3 months in HongKong
And then got back home for 20 days and now he is in the USA
To me this is almost not a relation
Cause in so many ways it's!
It just hurts me a lot to feel un cared about or ignored for this much!
We had been together for 3 years now and it's always like this.. him going away to other countries for business while I stay in my country to finish my study
I am wondering what can I do mean while!
Sure some peoplee would say leave him.. find some other man who buys for me roses and takes me to movies and other places!
But although I wish sooooo much to have a boyfriend like that
But I would never replace my man!
I love him
And he loves me too
It's just our life styles that makes me so sad and angry and all the bad emotions in the world
Would any one know what can I do to keep my hopes up?
Or know actually what to do mean while?
It's not like I am just going to set and wait for him.. I want to have a life too
How do I do that?

[talaniman]

Volunteer work at hospitals schools and churches

Take a class and sharpen your skills

Get a great hobby

Get together with the girls

Take up bowling, golf, or sports

Be creative, there are many ways of spending your time to make you happy that are also good clean fun, besides working, and getting your nails done.

[I wish]

Had to spread rep.

Don't sit at home. Go out do explore the world. If you feel like you have free time, go do something with the time. You only live once, so don't spend it worrying about you boyfriend. He's living his life, so now you need to live yours.

As for your boyfriend, if you love him so much, then you got to accept and respect his life. If you can't handle it, then nor matter how great of a guy he is, maybe he's not right for you. He doesn't sound like the type of guy who's going to stay in 1 city for a very long time or at least he will constantly have to travel. So if you can't accept that part about him, then maybe he's not the one.

Don't be scared to let him go. Don't be scared to have your own life. Don't feel that you need to sit at home constantly waiting for him to come back.

[talaniman]

You can have your boyfriend, and your own life too.

[jordanian11]

Hi
Thank you for the replaies
But dear (I wish) what do you mean that I shouldn't be scared of having my own life?
Is that question should scare me?
Because it confused me only!
Thanks by the way :) but I am just confused!
Thanks talaniman for the answers

[I wish]

You seem so caught up about his life and how he's always travelling. What about you? What about your life? You made your life sound so sad, especially when you said:

we had been together for 3 years now and it's always like this.. him going away to other countries for business while I stay in my country to finish my study
iam wondering what can I do mean while!

Find some things to do as well. I'm sure that you're not studying 24/7. Go out and have some fun with friends and find new hobbies.

sure some peoplee would say leave him .. find some other man who buys for me roses and takes me to movies and other places!
but although I wish sooooo much to have a boyfriend like that

If that's how you feel, why are you staying in the relationship?

Because of this?

but I would never replace my man!
i love him
and he loves me too

Love is important, but it doesn't sound like you are happy with your relationship:

it's just our life styles that makes me so sad and angry and all the bad emotions in the world

At this point, being happy is more important than love. If you feel happy waiting around for him, then stay with him. But if you're suffering so much, break up and find someone else who will make you happy.

[jordanian11]

Threads merged
Hi
My boyfriend and I have been in love for more than 4 years now
But lately and I mean the past week I thought it was all good
He is a good guy
He tells me every thing
So then he said to me that their were a girl who added him to his msn and she starts to flirt with him... and he told me that he is 100% that it's a guy he had pulled a trick on once! So he told me he flirted back... and kind of I know he is telling the truth and this girl is a guy.. a friend of his.. but all of this made me feel suspicious.. so I looked at his friend list in the Facebook and he added a new girl.. I didn't say any thing about it
Although I felt bad but I acted in a good way.. so today all day we have been loving each other over the phone "we have long distance relation but we talk a lot on the phone".. and we kept talking for hours of how much we miss each other and so...
So when the right moment came.. and I felt he is into me alotttt but not just sexualy I mean in a loving way.. I told him " if you will ever cheat on me I will cut your balls off!" so his voice changed ! I know he didn't cheat on me.. but the idea was in his head and I couldn't help it but to tell him that! So he starts to say "why would I cheat on you .. you are perfect .. and so.." but what I am saying did I do the right thing?
He onces and a lot told me I am his "one" so I was protecting his mind from these thoughts so he would never hurt me and I turn out to be not the one in the future if he would cheat on me
Anyway would some body "and I really want men to answer my question" tell me did I do wrong? And if so how to make it over for him... he is my lover and I never want to loose him! And I had done some crazy things in the past over things that are not real! But only in my head! And I don't want this to be one of them!
I don't want him to think I am a manlish! Or crazy! Because telling my boyfriend I will cut your balls off isn't the kind of conversation I would like to have with him
Should I say I am sorry... I know men should be treated in some special way.. and I have been doing that.. but is what I said ruined things for me?
Anyway he knew I said that because I wanted him to know I am not easy! And not just any guy sleeps with me or have sweet talk with me!
Thanks

[Justwantfair]

As a female, I think it is a below the belt comment and as a boyfriend I would be angry and upset.
You can not control cheating, you can work to have a healthy relationship with your partner. You can be open and honest and communicate at all times.
Cheating does happen, you can only control whether you ever cheat and what you would ever do if your significant other cheated.
The more you worry and try to control whether a man will cheat on you, the further you will push him out of your life.

[I wish]

Whether he cheats on you or not is out of your control. So threatening him like that won't help you cause.

What you should focus on is building a stronger relationship with him. Sounds like your trust level with him is very fragile right now. You need to build a stronger communication system with him.

Once you have a strong and healthy relationship, things will fall into place and you won't be worrying so much.

If you feel that there's no progress in trying to strengthen your relationship, then maybe he's not a good match for you.

[talaniman]

You probably shocked him, and maybe explaining yourself in a softer way would help, but that is some psycho talk. Scary, I would think twice for sure!

[paxe]

My ex-girlfriend told me the same thing, but she ended cheating on me... You have to trust him and talk to him, it's the only thing you can do. You can't control someone.

[N0help4u]

That is too extreme of a statement.
With something like that you should say it in a generalized I statement when the conversation of cheating happens to come up.
Like I don't tolerate cheating no matter how much in love I am.

[jordanian11]

Threads merged
hi
well I have a boyfriend and we both have been in a long distance relation for more than 4 years
last week I found out he added girls (random girl) at the Facebook site.. so when I asked him who r they? He said any one I donno they added me!
so I wanted to show him I am not OK with him adding other girls! So I made a fight! I know him very very well! We both talk on the phone 3 hours a day! So I kind of threatened him with out saying any thing! I just made him get the feeling that I am hurt and now u going to have to fix that!
so he kept saying to me ( I did nothing wrong.. u going to to be OK with that) so I told him if I have to be OK with u talking to other girls then I got to go because my other boyfriend is calling me and I don't have time for u! (ofcourse I don't have other boyfriend but I said it to make see if that's OK too with him)
so then I sent text messages to him telling him he is such a jerk! And I shared my love with him and every thing and this is how u make me feel special?! By going to online girls! And I told him that him adding other girls means I feel I am not perfect to him.. and he needs more! And that hurt me!
so get this... now he is the one who switched off his cell phone not me!!
is that right from him to do?
when I threatened him with out saying a word that he has to fix my hurt... he kind of run a way
did I do the right thing?
is being in love always suck or what?
thanks

[I wish]

Please keep all your questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow the story and you will get better answers that way.

Both of you have some personality issues to work on before you confront each other. Spend some time working on yourself.

Stop threatening him. How does that help anyone or anything?

[talaniman]

Why do I get the feeling this relationship is lacking something, and is going nowhere??

[Justwantfair]

Well it isn't for lack of control and games.
I commend your boyfriend for standing his ground, there isn't anything about being in a relationship that says you have to limit all contact with the opposite sex for your partner!
The issue is your lack of self worth and your need to control what he does for fear that he may someday cheat on you.
Yes, I personally believe you are and have been out of line.
You aren't talking about your issues, you are trying to manipulate his responses.
You believe that he should be wrapped around your finger and that isn't anyone responsibility, nor will it be anyone's desire.
Leave him alone, you pushed him out of your life with a desire to control everything that he does.
He changed his phone number on you, that should be a sign, he is done working to try and make you happy.

[jordanian11]

Threads merged, yet again. What does it take to keep things in one thread???
Hi
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 4 years
Yesterday we had a fight about him adding new girls that he doesn't know on the Facebook website
I know I was silly and I didn't have to make a big deal out of it but out of jealousy I did! And I got angry at him! So he kind of ran away and turned off his cell phone
We have long distance relation
I know what I did was wrong
I know I shouldn't had to make a big deal out of him adding girls and so
But at that moment I didn't think
All what I did is acted like a 5 years old kid and got nuts!
But we had been together for ever
We talk on the phone every day for more than 3 hours and when ever we get angry at each other.. which we rarly do.. the next MORNING every thing will be solved and he would text me or call me and say let's forget every thing happened last night
But this time it's different
He switched off both of his cell phones
He didn't call me this morning
And now it's night and still his cell phones are closed and he still haven't said any thing to me
Not one thing!!
I donno what's going on in his mind?
Is he dumping me?
Is he taking time to think about dumping me or staying with me? Or he just needs time off?
Would some body tell me any thing because I am going insane here missing him and crying a lot if it's going to be over specially over a stupid fight that he is not even giving me a chance to make it up to him (by turning his cell phones off)
Does any one think it's over?
Does any one think he will call or we will get back together?
What will happened?
Thanks

[Starry nights]

One of my all-time fav books is Richard Bach's "The bridge across forever".Its a bit of a tedious read sometimes,with a slow-pace but the philosophy is brilliant.In this he says that the initial stages in all relationships are like hugging a warm,fuzzy thing.Gradually,with the passage of time,it feels like hugging a giant cactus,because by that time,the two partners mostly know each other's bad,sad,dark,negative,nagging,jealous,angry,etc etc sides.Thats when the real test of a relationship begins and that's when two people really realise how much they can love each other WITH all their faults and bad side.

From your post,you have mentioned being together for 4 yrs and having a more or less consistent relationship.I don't think there's been too many ups and downs,especially downs.If there's been,you both have been quick to go out of your ways and make up.While that's a great quality,sometimes,it's a bit artificial and put-on.Its like,"lets make things alright before it gets too ugly to handle".

The incident with the girlsbeing added on FB,Jordan,I don't think you over-reacted on the principle.You may not like something(except that there's a way in handling such things,being too hyper and dramatic may not be advisable)about your partner and you may want to share that with him.Theres nothing wrong in that.Never blame yourself for feeling a certain way.You are entitiled to it(again,however,what matters,is the way you express it though).

How your partner handles it is the point.How strong is the relationship,is the point.If just a frank outburst from you upsets him this much,that he switches off his phones,that's the concern.If you are feeling bad about this to want to talk it out with him and he's "OH SO UPSET(about what?)",that he can't even face you,that's the concern.This incident is the real test of your relationship Jordan and you have to learn to see it that way.You have to accept he's put off/upset/whatever whatever and doesn't feel the need to sort it out right now.Whatever it is,he doesn't want to communicate and you can't make him do it.You can't make it all right all the time.You just have to accept your situation as a setback,at least that's the way it looks like to me,cant say for him,he might take it harder and may take a more drastic step,who knows.You just have to wait and watch,give him the space to go over it and come back to you,if at all,he wishes to do so.

Meanwhile,what do you do?You brood,sulk,worry,bite your nails,whatever you do(sicne you feel so horrible),the fact is you really can't drag him back and talk to u.So,it might hurt but you just need to step back a bit and see how he handles it.Carry on living your life and take one small step at a time.

[amicon]

Have to spread the rep starry-Good post.

[jordanian11]

Hi
Well lately I had been living in hell
Nothing cheer me up
Sadness is taking advantage of me totally!
I talked to a friend and she said that maybe because I want to move on in life
Try new things and take the next step that I totally donno about it any thing
But that I am not happy with myself and this new step is about trying to improve myself
But why is it always soooooooooooooooooooo hard to do the right thing
Even to ourselves I mean
Some times we do good things to other that we don't like to do but we do it anyway
But now I am trying to improve myself
In speritual way.. emotional too and mentally too
I keep having these dark thoughts
So dark that its might killed me if I didn't shared it my my friend the other day
But friends are not always their
I don't like to depent on people
I want to be good to my own self
So why self improvement is sooooo difficult
What made me feel so disappointed by myself that I donno where am I right now at
Am I the old me (that I totally forget how I was.. but I am sure I was awesome! Because I loved me sooo much and every one who meets me says that I am OK 22 years old but wise and smart as a 40 years old person)
And I am not sure how I am I going to be
I donno where I am going
It sucks the life out of me these thoughts I mean!
Has any one been in my situation?!
Is yes please help and if no just advice me in any good way.. maybe just to try to help me
Thanks a lot