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Synnen · Apr 24, 2009, 11:00 AM

Honey, he is USING you for SEX.

Get rid of him.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 24, 2009, 11:03 AM

I agree, it is about sex...
I think that is the consensus with everyone here.

Do you want to be with somebody that just wants you for sex?
Or do you want to find somebody that wants to have a relationship with you.

basii · Apr 24, 2009, 11:14 AM

I want to have a relationship

mudweiser · Apr 24, 2009, 11:16 AM

This guy won't give you a relationship the only thing he'll give you is relations.

He is a poor boyfriend. A poor companion and a poor best friend. In return you are treated poorly.

Don't waste any of your time with this guy- you are much more valuable than he makes you feel.

You can do it, you can leave him. I can guarantee you'll feel happier and a lot more confident.

Sarah

Silverfoxkit · Apr 24, 2009, 11:22 AM

I understand that it hurts, and that you have genuine feelings for this guy. Yes, it will probably hurt to break it off but think of all of the rotten things he tells you and how much pain you will be spared in the future.

Not only are you risking yourself, as you've stated that the relationship is illegal and it could get you in trouble, you are risking yourself for a guy that is only using you. He's made it clear that marriage is not an option and that he doesn't want a serious future. It's not worth it.

mudweiser · Apr 24, 2009, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by basii

we never went and had dinner before or take a walk or go shopping together or any of that because its illegal and when i see him its very risky .

I don't understand why it would be illegal or risky?

Anyway.. if you are in danger because of this guy this more than enough reason to leave him.

Sarah

chrissymarie · Apr 24, 2009, 11:45 AM

If you want to stop faking it just stop. When he wonders why e can't get you off he'll just try harder. Then maybe he'll be able to make you orgasm. But no more faking it.

I wouldn't tell him about the lies but I'd stop faking it. But that's just what I would do.

smoothy · Apr 24, 2009, 12:10 PM

I think any woman that's faking orgasms is also faking a relationship.

If you can't be honest about if you are getting off or not then you can't complain about not getting off. Don't do telling someone they are doing everything right then behind their back complain that they do nothing right.

Incidentally... while that sort of thing is clearly illegal in the more oppressive Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia... and northern Packistan where the place is run by religious police without a clue about what's really in the Koran... I didn't think Eqypt where she comes from based on a previous post is that oppressive and archaic in their mindset. Not from people I knew who have lived there.

However She is listing Saudi Arabia as location and everything I know about that place is yes.. it IS that oppressive if you are a woman. You have to wear a Burqa in 120+ F weather outdoors ( not required indoors)... you can't drive a car, you can't walk with a man you are not married to or related to in public.

However based on her actually being in Saudi Arabia I'd be hesitant to tell her to do anything that he might consider objectionable... she has very few rights there as a woman (and thus is a second class citizen) and bad things could easily happen, or so I hear.

liz28 · Apr 24, 2009, 12:21 PM

The problem with you is that you want a boyfriend but he doesn't want a girlfriend. This is causing you to keep holding on to him when there is nothing to hold on to or even save. Open your eyes and realize the two of you wants are different.

If you loved yourself you wouldn't tolerant this situation and deal with the put downs. You would have been left this sitation.

Also, if you know you can end up in jail behind this situation why do you keep continuing it. More of a reason to leave. Why risk yourself get whip or jailed? Even death? Quit while your ahead.

basii · Apr 24, 2009, 12:59 PM

Thanks smoothy for your words but what you all are not getting is that my boyfriend treats me really well and that he is such a nice guy .
Do you think that its wrong that he actually tells me that he doesn't want a marriage and that there is no future for us , well I think that took a lot of courage out of him to say that .
And in saudia arabia its really more like jail and I can see my boyfriend in a safe place that are called compounds that are secured by armys and they are secured because the compounds are american compounds and you have to get singed in , and the reliougs police itself can't go in there , but what am trying to say is that what makes me hold on to him is that he is such a nice guy and I know that he loves me and I changed him a lot and he changed me a lot but sometimes he doesn't know how say stuff . He puts them in the wrong phrase .

basii · Apr 24, 2009, 01:04 PM

mudweiser : its illegal because its just like that I was born and raised up here but am originally from sudan , my dad is from sudan and my mother is from egypt .
In saudia arabia if the reliougs police catch you with a guy and he is not related to you in any way you can go to jail or get whiped or death sometimes byt these reliougs police people are mostly men that are wayyyy to reliougs that they use islam is a weapon against girls and the reliougs police they are men that were in jail or drug addicts and they get brain washed like littralyy and nobody likes them here but what can we doo.

Silverfoxkit · Apr 24, 2009, 01:09 PM

I'm sorry but what you say and "really nice guy" just don't match. I'm sure you want to see the good in him but honey he is just dragging you down.

It's not courage to say "I don't want a future with you." It's a complete and total lack of caring. Why stay with a dead end guy that is a jerk?

JoeCanada76 · Apr 24, 2009, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by basii

thanks smoothy for your words but what you all are not getting is that my boyfriend treats me really well and that he is such a nice guy .
do you think that its wrong that he actually tells me that he dosnt want a marriage and that there is no future for us , well i think that took alot of courage out of him to say that .
and in saudia arabia its really more like jail and i can see my boyfriend in a safe place that are called compounds that are secured by armys and they are secured because the compounds are american compounds and you have to get singed in , and the reliougs police itself can't go in there , but what am trying to say is that what makes me hold on to him is that he is such a nice guy and i know that he loves me and i changed him alot and he changed me alot but sometimes he dosnt know how say stuff . he puts them in the wrong phrase .

Saying he does not want a marriage. Saying there is no future for you. That is not a nice guy, but that is a guy that is just using you.

You do need to stop seeing him and stop going with him because he just wants you for sex.

You did say you want a relationship well it is time to stop seeing this person and find somebody that actually wants a relationship with you.

Justwantfair · Apr 24, 2009, 01:18 PM

Your best decision you will make is to follow your education right now.

You have an opportunity to go to University in the states, I think you would be wise to take it.

smoothy · Apr 24, 2009, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by basii

thanks smoothy for your words but what you all are not getting is that my boyfriend treats me really well and that he is such a nice guy .
do you think that its wrong that he actually tells me that he dosnt want a marriage and that there is no future for us , well i think that took alot of courage out of him to say that .
and in saudia arabia its really more like jail and i can see my boyfriend in a safe place that are called compounds that are secured by armys and they are secured because the compounds are american compounds and you have to get singed in , and the reliougs police itself can't go in there , but what am trying to say is that what makes me hold on to him is that he is such a nice guy and i know that he loves me and i changed him alot and he changed me alot but sometimes he dosnt know how say stuff . he puts them in the wrong phrase .

As a man speaking... he is telling you he likes you enough ot have sex with you (which means nothing) but he doesn't like you enough to ever want to get married to you. Its not courage to say that, its arrogance. He basically says you are good enough for sex... but not good enough to be a wife. He doesn't have to be a mean or a bad guy to say that. He basically told you that there is no future with him. If you have a chance to leave and go to a university... I would recommend doing it. Saudi Arabia might be better than the Sudan... but there are any number of better places to live if you get a chance.

lighterrr · Apr 24, 2009, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by basii

mudweiser : its illegal becuase its just like that i was born and raised up here but am orginally from sudan , my dad is from sudan and my mother is from egypt .
in saudia arabia if the reliougs police catch you with a guy and he is not related to you in any way you can go to jail or get whiped or death sometimes byt these reliougs police people are mostly men that are wayyyy to reliougs that they use islam is a weapon aganist girls and the reliougs police they are men that were in jail or drug addicts and they get brain washed like littralyy and nobody likes them here but what can we doo.

It seems that you really want him for the long run. But his mind is not in the same place as yours. He has stated there is no future, please don't deceive yourself by saying he does not know how to express himself verbally. You seem like a very sweet person and your kindness deserves appreciation, find someone who is going to love you for you and not you 20 pounds lighter. Perhaps when you leave he may come to the realization that he does need you or want you for a long-term relationship? Sometimes you just go to let it go.

Good luck hun,

Btw; when I graduated from nursing school I almost went to saudi arabia the money is really good, but I could not go their knowing myself and my views on religion and spirituality:eek:

Sundance2007 · Apr 25, 2009, 03:48 AM

Do you know what an orgasm is ? First try finding out the meaning of Orgasm. It is also not unusual for some woman NOT to have an Orgasm, but still derive pleasure. There is a chance you do not know your hot spots.

basii · Apr 25, 2009, 06:26 AM

OK I actually faced his with all of this and I said that I don't want you telling me that we will not get married and I was like its not like I want to get married to you but at least don't tell me that in my face , cause what you are saying is thatam only your sex toy and that am not good enough to be your wife . And I was like I don't want you to tell me that yes we will get married and all that but don't cut me of hope of having a future with you .
He was like are you bored of me do you want us to breakup . I was like no I want you to talk like communicate and he was like I don't want I will call you back I was like OK watever .
So yes am waiting for his call and see what will he say...

basii · Apr 25, 2009, 08:09 AM

Thanks lighterr that is so sweet of you

basii · Apr 25, 2009, 10:45 AM

by lighterrr)you really want him for the long run. But his mind is not in the same place as yours. He has stated there is no future, please don't deceive yourself by saying he does not know how to express himself verbally. You seem like a very sweet person and your kindness deserves appreciation, find someone who is going to love you for you and not you 20 pounds lighter. Perhaps when you leave he may come to the realization that he does need you or want you for a long-term relationship? Sometimes you just go to let it go.

Thanks a lot but I really can't handel breaking up with because we went through a lot together .and I know if I leave him he will not come back to me beacause I will be all the way in the stats .
And if I breakup with him I garenti you that I will go back to drugs...
:(:confused::o
Am so confused and I want him really bad like when am with him I feel safe and soooooooo happy and time passes soooooooooo fast .
I really don't know what to do god I sound so pathatic...