Check out some similar questions!

GlindaofOz · Sep 7, 2007, 12:55 PM

You need to stop thinking about her and move on. She obviously does not want you in her life. What does your therapist say about all of this?

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 12:58 PM

Keep it in the back of your mind if you must, but way, way back.

Continue working on your recovery, as this is what it is, just like with an alcoholic - recovery. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but if you pull it through and feel good about yourself who knows what will happen 6 months or a year from now.

Just be prepared and accept that your life will be going through changes and so will her's.

Again, hang in there and good luck.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 02:19 PM

I have told my therapist about her giving me another chance... and my therapist said I have to really focus on myself and not her what-so-ever. When I am ready then me and her should start talking again, but until then nothing... it is going to be a tough one!! I thought the only reason she didn't want me in her life is because I kept bothering her too much and if I gave her space then she MIGHT come around.

GlindaofOz · Sep 7, 2007, 02:21 PM

Well you should listen to your therapist. Right now your concern should be getting better so that you are a better person not so your ex will come back. Chances are by the time you are better she will be deep into her relationship or with someone else seriously and will not want anything to do with you. So you need to get better for you not for her.

s_cianci · Sep 7, 2007, 02:23 PM

It sounds like she's trying to move on. I'd do the same. I really don't see a reconciliation in the cards here. Remember, it didn't work out for a reason. You admit you verbally abused her. It's good that you can admit your shortcomings but she's not likely to be willing to take another chance with you only to get verbally abused by you all over again. Maybe you've really changed and that's great. If so, then let someone else be the beneficiary of the "new and improved" you.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 02:25 PM

Yes, I completely realize that 100%, its for me not her. I feel so bad for what I did to her that I feel like I need to make it all up to her and start over. I know that sounds so ridiculous. I no for a fact that she won't be deep into her relationship. They see each other once a week at the most... and just w/e, even when I do show her that I can be a good person and she says that she doesn't want me back, then that is OK because I Know in the end that I am a better person. I Know Deep Down That I Have To Try, she just needs space as of right now.

GlindaofOz · Sep 7, 2007, 02:27 PM

Why don't you make it up to her by getting better and treating the next girl amazing?

She is moving on and probably working out her issues from your relationship. It will not be beneficial to open this stuff back up. Once you are completely better maybe write her a letter apologizing for the things you have done and leave it at that.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 02:30 PM

IDK we will see happens.. I am honestly scared to move on... she was perfect in my image and I don't know if I can find another girl like her... you know the saying "If you set a butterfly free and it returns, it was always yours in the first place." My instincts tell me nothing will change, but my heart says other wise. Idk which one to listen to.

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

yes, i completely realize that 100%, its for me not her. I feel so bad for what i did to her that i feel like i need to make it all up to her and start over. i know that sounds so ridiculous. I no for a fact that she wont be deep into her relationship. they see eachother once a week at the most..........and just w/e, even when i do show her that i can be a good person and she says that she doesnt want me back, then that is ok because i Know in the end that i am a better person. I Know Deep Down That I Have To Try, she just needs space as of right now.

STOP IT! If you keep this first and foremost on your mind you jeopardize your therapy and it will not serve the purpose for which it is meant.

Start seriously working with your therapist and stop focusing on anyone but YOURSELF!

You don't realize it yet, but this is your life, your survival and happiness that you are playing with. Wake up!

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 02:40 PM

True... so I just forget about her and never try with her again and just let time tell and let her go forever.

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

IDK we will see happens..i am honestly scared to move on....she was perfect in my image and idk if i can find another girl like her.........you know the saying "If you set a butterfly free and it returns, it was always yours in the first place." My instincts tell me nothing will change, but my heart says other wise. Idk which one to listen to.

A girl like her.. when she was still with you and putting up with your abuse, or
When she stopped putting up with your abuse and stood up to you??

Get real. Right now is not the time to even think of looking for another partner. You don't know how you will feel about anyone, or how you are going to treat someone months down the road. You need to be able to accept and live with yourself before distracting yourself with another.

Talking about your instincts.. right now you are going through Withdrawal. Just like a junkie without his smack and an alcoholic with the booze, you want and need your FIX. Get used to it as it is part of the recovery. During this time it's not a good idea to connect with another potential victim.

Butterflies lay their eggs and die. A very short lifespan.

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

True....so i just forget about her and never try with her again and just let time tell and let her go forever.

You need to want to mean this, seriously. Forget about the 'let time tell', End of Story.

My ex-husband verbally and physically abused me. It's been over 30 years and I still cannot forget what he did. Something died and it will never come back. So, let's just live with it and go on.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 02:57 PM

Chery that is very very interesting... so why do I think she connected with a guy so quick?

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 03:08 PM

My Ex was in the Army and we were stationed in Germany. After a few too many beatings, I went to the Commander and received a designated bodyguard from within the squad.
When I gained some confidence back, I went out socially and gained some of my self-respect and worth. Without their help, I probably would have been dead and my daughter living with her grandmother within a month. It took me more than five years to recover.

Your ex is right by not wanting to be alone, needing some protection, and affection for her healing process.
Anyway, why should it matter to you what she is doing and with whom? What verbal abuse does is kill a part of someone that will never return.
It does make it hard for the next person in her life to fully gain her trust and make her feel totally secure - so you certainly did leave a mark that nobody can take away. Are you proud of that?

Oh, yeah, you did leave a mark and she'll never forget you...

think_pink · Sep 7, 2007, 03:18 PM

When a girl gets abused she walks away and never come back but if you show her how nice you are be romantic to her and all that stuff she might come back, take her out of dinner as a friend or something and be sweet and maybe then she will change her mind , try to get up to her don't sit there and wait

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by think_pink

When a girl gets abused she walks away and never come back but if you show her how nice you are be romantic to her and all that stuff she might come back, take her out of dinner as a friend or something and be sweet and maybe then she will change her mind , try to get up to her dont sit there and wait

No amount of romance can mend some abusive actions. The girlfriend has threatened with the law and is probably frightened to no end. She does not want to see him ever again.

think_pink · Sep 7, 2007, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

No amount of romance can mend some abusive actions. The girlfriend has threatened with the law and is probably frightened to no end. She does not want to see him ever again.

And who told you that? She did?
Besides she doesn't want to see him again then he can forget about her and move on

I did read lol I just skipped over yours lmaoo and beside she doessnt want to see him, he better forget about her

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by think_pink

and who told ya that? she did?
besides she doesnt want to see him again then he can forget about her and move on

If you would have read the whole thread from the beginning, you would have noticed that he stated she had told him that she did not want to see him again.

AND.. we have been suggesting he forget about her and move on. Which again, you would have noticed if you'd read the entire thread.

But maybe now that you are here, he'll listen to you and you can take it from here.

By the way, I actually DISAGREED with your last post, just forgot to change it from agree. I won't make this mistake again.

think_pink · Sep 7, 2007, 03:57 PM

I know you disagreed its obvious lol my bad I had a headache and didn't feel like reading through all the responses I just read what he said and that was it

Hottrodder246 · Sep 7, 2007, 04:14 PM

OK u guys don't need to argue... lol... but yea my gut says move on and don't look back... it is going to be sooooooo hard!! In order for me to become a man I have to do it. Just so I understand... I should never call, text, email, etc. her ever again.

Chery · Sep 7, 2007, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

ok u guys dont need to argue...lol......but yea my gut says move on and dont look back....it is going to be sooooooo hard!!!!! In order for me to become a man i have to do it. Just so i understand......i should never call, text, email, etc. her ever again.

You've got it dear. In My Opinion, it's the best for both of you.

There has just been too much that happened and would put such weight on the new attempt that I don't think it would work.

She'd probably have 'flashbacks' and you'd have feelings of guilt. Those are not a basis to build anything on.

Look forward to a healthier you and a new chance for happiness.