[J_9]

I have a very bad feeling about this too. But I bet she is going to stay home with step-dad anyway.

[p_rich91]

OK maybe I won't do it. Are you guys serious though? I was asking whether you thought it was OK to drink a little before I am 21 (how many of you didn't drink at least a little before you were 21?) but the whole thing about you think he wants to do it to get me drunk and stuff is crazy. He's my stepdad... he's like almost 50!

[J_9]

Hun, it may be innocent enough, but most of us are mothers and/or fathers with children, we see many many red flags here. I would avoid it if at all possible.

[GlindaofOz]

Just because you don't see him sexually doesn't mean he doesn't see you that way.

[SpawnOfAzazel]

It doesn't matter how old he is.
You are 16, if he gives you alcohol he is contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
He is hiding this from your mom, knowing she won't approve, and that is what causes concern. Not only that, he chose a time when she'll be out of town.
No one here is saying he is an outright pedophile, and even if he didn't envision you in such a way, he's still overstepping his bounds as both a husband and a stepfather.

[p_rich91]

OK OK I won't do it. Thanks for the advice.

[nicespringgirl]

U should tell your mum what EXACTLY your stepdad said
Then try to stay away from him on the weekend when you will be alone with him.
Drinking under age is wrong, once you taste it u'd like to have more-might cause addiction.

[alkalineangel]

I'm a mother and would not even be worried about the few drinks, I agree, tell your mom everything.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

I was a very open father as my kids grew up but I never let them drink in the house, that doesn't mean they didn't try at other people homes BUT at least they knew I felt it was wrong for them to drink.

A parent saying its OK to have one drink today is opening the door for a six pack next week. Kids always try to make things OK in their minds and if Dad says its OK to drink then it must be.

As for your Step Dad having other reasons for wanting to let you drink... Don't ever think that a Man of 50 or 60 isn't going to have sexual feelings. In fact 50 is the age area where sexual excitement is going or gone from a long time relationships and Many Men are looking for new and exciting ways to get their youth back. Even if he would never do anything to hurt you if your both drinking its an opening he might not normally take.

It would be best if you thanked him for being so nice but you will pass. If he trying to talk you into it or offers again tell your mom about it so she knows. There could be problems you don't know about and she should know. If he is just being a nice Guy then she will see that and no problem.

Good Luck
Dennis777

[wizzkid89]

Okay, I'm going to get lambasted for saying this but it won't be the first time...

I think you should seriously consider drinking. Maybe convince your step dad to have a few friends over to "share" the experience. Honestly, the man makes a good point about trying it out in a safe environment. And if they don't do it there, they will... they ALWAYS DO, get it some place else.

BTW how in the hell did we get to accusing her step-dad of being a pedophile right of the bat!! I too see how it looks, and after some of the later posts p-rich put up, I would suggest either drinking with friends or not at all. However, there was a great deal of you who screamed pedophile right after the first post, when, in my opinion, there was absolutely no ground to stand on. I think some of you might have jumped the gun...

In either case, if you do drink, and I couldn't care if I am your lone supporter, only do it if you can have a few friends over there, just as a precautionary measure.

But let's face it, drinking at her age happens, and since I'm only two years older than her, and we both live out in cali, I kid you not drugs and alcohol is every where. And no it's not like that every where else, because I have partied in about every state west of the Mississippi, and a few east of it, and Cali is just different. You will see this stuff on a constant regular basis, and she would be better off starting slowly at home with friends and what I'm hoping is a non-pedophile concerned parent. Instead of a drug infested/random people/strange place party.

[p_rich91]

I decided not to do it and told my stepdad I wasn't really interested and he got all upset. He said if I didn't want to it meant I was too immature and not ready to be an adult. I said I just didn't really feel like doing it this time but I might do it in the future and he just walked away and wouldn't talk to me anymore. Then on Sunday he told me that I have never made him feel welcome in our family and that if I wasn't going to at least try to be friends with him and hang out and make him feel like part of the family then he was going to leave my mom. On one hand I don't really care if he leaves because I don't really like him that much. But I know it will kill my mom to be left again so soon after my dad left her (and is now dating someone much younger). I don't know what to do.

[alkalineangel]

You need to confront your mom and tell her what he is doing. The man is trying to blackmail you into something. What exactly, I don't know... but I do know that it isn't normal behavioor for a grown man who just wants to get to know you better. His anger is not a good response, not typical, nothing but a red flag. This leads me to believe even further that he had other motives. He is trying to guilt you into spending time with him, and it worries me. You need to tell your mom... if she won't listen, tell the person you are closest to, tell a teacher, tell anyone who will listen. His behaviour is not normal, and as a woman and a mother, it really concerns me. Please do not let yourself be alone with him, esp if alcohol is involved.

[phillysteakandcheese]

His behavior is totally manipulative - and an even stronger sign that he has less than honorable intentions for you and your Mom.

You need to tell your Mom everything he's said and done- his asking you to drink, his reaction to your saying no, his threats of leaving your Mom... everything.

[J_9]

I have to agree with Al completely on this one. If there were no ulterior motives then he would not have gotten so upset. He is using anger to control and manipulate you into getting what he wants.

[p_rich91]

I don't know how to talk to her about this. It's not like with my dad and his girlfriend where they just started dating. My mom has been married to my stepdad for 4 months. She can't get another divorce 4 months after getting married again.

[J_9]

Honey, she needs to know what this man is trying to do to her daughter.

You need to talk to her about your concerns about the drinking when she is out of town, that will start the whole conversation off.

Tell her that he offered to let you drink, that you felt uncomfortable with that and ask how she would feel if you did drink with him when she is out of town.

If he really wants you to drink at home, there should be no reason why you can't when she IS home.

[alkalineangel]

Yes she can... if she cares for you and herself, she can. You need to tell her. The man is trying to use you, and by his threats, obviously is not that caring for your mother, and she deserves to know.

[nicespringgirl]

Whoa,, oh wait, hold on.
Does any of you think that her stepdad's action is an intention to make a fight between his current wife and himself.Maybe he wants to start making problems then leading to a divorce. DOn't underestimate his "wisdom".
Be careful, does he still love your mum, hun?
I think you need to tell your mum, but make sure she cools down, not jump around then he will give her an excuse of ending a relationship.
He might be just that bad!!

[GlindaofOz]

Everyone is totally right. His behavior has just proven to me (and I think AlkalineAngel, J-9, phillysteakandcheese) that his intentions were not to give you a safe environment to experiment with alcohol but rather an opportunity for himself where you were drunk and he could take advantage.

I would tell you mom what he said and what he was offering to do. Tell her I was conflicted about what was right and wrong and you came on here and asked us what to do. Tell her what he said after you said no. If it helps print out everything we have all said. I know if would want to know if the man I married was lusting after my 16 year old daughter. What happens to their marriage isn't your problem, your problem is that your stepfather has some pretty indecent designs on you and you need to alert an adult to the situation.

He is really trying to blackmail you into agreeing to this and no adult should ever push a child into drinking or doing something that makes them uncomfortable.

[J_9]

Sweetie, look at your picture, look how pretty you are. It is not surprising that he may be attracted to you.

I love Glinda's advice about printing this conversation out and showing it to your mom, it may be easier for you this way.