[Bluerose]

Okay. Kick this one around.

Are women more likely to go for a married man and not care because they do not fear the wife?

And do men hold back from becoming involved with a married woman because they are afraid of a run in with the husband?

Could it be something as simple as that?

[chuff]

Okay. Kick this one around.

Are women more likely to go for a married man and not care because they do not fear the wife?

I think that's very possible. Women in certain situations are more fearless than men. This is certainly one of those situations. Ironically enough the man fears both women in this situation though. He fears the mistress telling and his wife finding out.

And do men hold back from becoming involved with a married woman because they are afraid of a run in with the husband?

Could it be something as simple as that?

Perhaps, but that doesn't explain why single men get caught up waiting for a woman when she is openly telling him she is dating other people. The single guy waits for her if she's single with other guys, but not if she's married.

[chasesmommy]

Well, I think sometimes a woman ends up dating a married man without realizing he's married. And by then emotions may be involved. I can honestly say if I found out I was the other woman, no matter what, I'd be like I'm out of here. (I truly believe once a cheater always a cheater!)

Anyway, I've said this a million times - I do not trust women. I trust my husband 100%, he knows better than to stray. But, at the same time I've VERY territorial. I see it as most men will only try to be with an attached woman if he really feels she's interested... he'll wait for a cue. However a lot of women won't... if there's a man she's interested in, she's going after him, attached or not. Women are completely vindictive. And not all women are looking for an emotional attachment either, some just want sex too! That is 1 misconception about women, everyone thinks they get deeply involved & I know of some who have had more than 1 or 2 one night stands.

Bottom line for me is marriage is sacred. When I took my vows I meant them therefore I would never cheat & I would never want to have an affair with a married man because I don't want anything to do with someone who doesn't have more respect for the woman he vowed to be faithful to.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I agree with what someone else said here. Women see other women as competition whereas most men would rather just play the field or move on to the next one. I am not speaking for myself or all men as not all us men are shallow but I do see a lot of shallowness in people. Women are very emotional creatures but then some men are too..

Here is a question though, not sure if it is relevant here but I will ask it anyway..

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

[Allheart]

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

Hi Geoff,

If that does happen, that men are viewed as weak for showing emotion, then YES that is WRONG.

To me, it is far more weak to hide and conceal your emotions, then be strong enough and to have the courage to reveal truly how you feel. Far easier to hide, it takes great strength to be a real man and show his emotions.

And to me, nothing more attractive than a man who can show his emotions. Happy, upset, disappointed. And found the men who kept everything in, as not having the ability to open up and share what they were feeling. I felt kind of sad for them and it was hard to get to know them and trust them.

Sorry, you didn't ask for a book, :D - So to answer your question, Yes it is wrong ( In my opinion)

[Geoffersonairplane]

Hi Geoff,

If that does happen, that men are viewed as weak for showing emotion, then YES that is WRONG.

To me, it is far more weak to hide and conceal your emotions, then be strong enough and to have the courage to reveal truly how you feel. Far easier to hide, it takes great strenght to be a real man and show his emotions.

And to me, nothing more attractive than a man who can show his emotions. Happy, upset, disappointed. And found the men who kept everything in, as not having the ability to open up and share what they were feeling. I felt kind of sad for them and it was hard to get to know them and trust them.

Sorry, you didn't ask for a book, :D - So to answer your question, Yes it is wrong ( In my opinion)

Interesting... but did you always think that way or is that a result of your maturity? The reason I ask is that I think a lot of women, especially those women in their 20's see it as weakness and that is why they tend to go for the types that are really quite immature and unable to express themselves emotionally>>in essence, Jerks with a false sense of confidence.

[Allheart]

LOL - Geoff you have the nicest way of calling me OLd - just kiddn. :)

Geoff, honestly, YUP, I always thought that way. And I saw those types of guys just like you described - "Jerks with a false sense of confidence". For that reason, I would just stand back and watch them and think, "oh my". But you are right, some of my girlfriends, would go for them and end up months later, crying on my shoulder. But there were also girls, my age, who thought the same as I did. So they are out there Geoff.

I stayed far away from those characters and tended to date older guys or just preferred not to date at all then to have to deal with the "circus act" as I referred to it. I was a bit quiet so I took a lot in. I did realize, when watching these guys, it was just a part of growing up for them, and I just hoped they would grow up in a real hurry, as I just didn't see much happiness waiting for them, nor for the person with them, if they continued like that.

[LBP]

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

[Geoffersonairplane]

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

But I think what people want changes with age. I think women appreciate these qualities as they get older and maybe have been burned by these shallow 'jerks' as we refer to them which makes an emotional man more appealing.

Then again I may be wrong and I am certainly not speaking about all women.

[Allheart]

Hi LBP,

I am so sorry that has been your experience. Honest I am. That just stinks. Guess what, if I was a guy, I wouldn't want a "women" who thought a man was repulsive for having and showing emotions. Perhaps, these women have something lacking in them, that they are not able to deal with viewing emotions from a man.

LBP, I am not just saying these things. I honestly believe them. My father was a big strong macho man. Big guy. Funniest man on this earth. But he also had a serious side, I guess you would call it macho. A man's man. Hubby was a little leary of him in the beginning and hubby is no wallflower.

But I tell you what, my Father expressed every emotion he felt. No, he didn't walk around blubbering. But if he was happy, we knew it, if he was upset, we knew it. And if something touched his heart, we knew it. That to me is a man. The most most precious memory I have of my Father, is when us girls chipped in to by him a rocking chair for Christmas. He loved to rock in his chair. LBP, what I saw was a real man. Tears stinging his eyes, his heart just filled with joy, and he was speechless for minutes. I cherish that memory and always will. My Father didn't have much, and getting that chair from his girls meant the world to him, and you know what, we all knew it, because he was a man, a real man that expressed emotions.

I honestly, and please forgive me I do not mean to put anyone down, but I find it troubling, when a man can not express himself.

Not just words LBP, I honestly believe them and I am not alone.

[s2tp]

Hmm

I kind of have a different view on how guys are...

I see the adultery issues everywhere. I feel like it is a shoe-in with the military lifestyle. Being over here, I have told my coworkers (Men)I am just going to wear a ring, or tell any guy who hits on me that I have a boyfriend. But then my coworkers joked saying, haha that's not going to help, that will just make things worse- they will want you even more if they can't have you.

I have not tested this theory, but it makes sense to me. The things is when I think about any of the guys here wanting to get with a married or 'taken' woman it is because they don't want the emotional attachment. They just want sex. The fact that the woman is already emotionally attached to another man means she shouldn't get attached to a sexual affair.

On the other hand, if a woman knowingly gets with a married man, its more of she thinks that this man has lost his emotional attachment to the wife, and she may have a chance to 'catch' this man. Or maybe some women think like men in the retrospect that the man is already attached and she won't have to worry about him having true feelings for her.

In the end I feel as though most women just have a more emotional attachment to men- whether they want to or not. Men seem to know how to avoid and block those attachments.

Ok I just lost my train of thought... arrg.

I think many of you have hit it on some very good points on how each of the sexes view relationships and marriage and feelings. I think women tend to follow emotion more than mind, and men tend to follow mind over emotion.
(Though don't get me wrong, I know many many stories that contradict this idea)

[Bluerose]

Geoff,

I'm not in my twenties. Lol

But I was born and brought up in Glasgow, Scotland, "where men were men." lol

I have to confess to being one of those people who thought for a long time that it was a sign of weakness to see a man cry.

You're correct when you say it is something we come to understand as we get older. My grown sons have been through some stuff and have often come to me for a little comfort. I never once thought of my sons as being soft or weak. I believe understanding them helped me to understand the 'emotional' side of men.

Five or six years after my divorce my ex and I went out together for a year. Then we had 'The Talk', we said sorry for all the troubles in the marriage, we cried and we cuddled, and then we decided to leave things as they were. And I never felt closer to him in my whole life than I felt at that moment - during our 'Talk'.

[Allheart]

I can see your point BlueRose.

I guess because I am such the emotional type, I feel everything, I never understood those that didn't, at least to some degree. I would tend to get my feelings hurt when they wouldn't express themselves, so I just steared clear. I often wondered "is anyone home in there???". Perhaps that's just my way of thinking though. But I did feel this way in my 20s as well, no different. But guys in their 20s, when I was in my 20s, were on a totatlly different path then I was.

Anyway, that's just my view.

[SouthernBelle06]

I agree with what some others have said here already. Women tend to get attached easier and romanticize things more (yes, even if you get involved with a married man), whereas men may be able to walk away easier and look at things more logically. Women release a bonding hormone after sex called oxytocin. Men do too, but their higher levels of testosterone overrule it, so to speak, therefore they don't get the "warm fuzzies" like we ladies do after sexual involvement. Our emotions take over our logical thoughts.

[Geoffersonairplane]

This is going to sound really daft now but sometimes I wish I did not care so much and I did not have my emotional self awareness so as to avoid getting hurt. Yet I am proud of this because deep down I know that this is a really good thing. You should never change anything like that, neither could you..

Its all about being true to yourself and others!

Sorry for being random again.. LOL>>need a coffee:)

[Allheart]

Geoff,

That is what makes YOU so special. The key is, what will stop the hurt, is when you do find that someone, who is special enough, to not only recognize that quality about you, but who will truly appreciate it.

So, don't try and fight it Geoff. You shouldn't!! What I have learned, as I got older, is the circle of those who have a place in my heart, got smaller, but much more meaningful.

[Geoffersonairplane]

The key is, what will stop the hurt, is when you do find that someone, who is special enough, to not only recognize that quality about you, but who will truly appreciate it.

Thanks Allheart, I've got to try and keep remembering that one.:)

[talaniman]

Cheaters be they man or woman are so selfish about their own needs and wants that they don't care about crossing boundaries or hurting feelings to get what they want. That will lie to everyone even themselves in an effort to justify what they do and why they do it. They will take willing to take outlandish chances to get what they want because that's their priority, what they want over anyone else's needs. They can be the nicest people in the world as long as their wants are met and the most devious and deceptive to get what they want. There are probably as many females as males who fall in this category but I think it's the female who is most willing to discuss it publicly as you never see a guy coming to this forum anyway, and having problems with his married mistress. I think men are more undercover and private about what they do than are women. Just my 2 cents after one cup of coffee.

[chuff]

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

I don't know if it's wrong. I do know it doesn't work. I also know I really hate it when I hear women say "we just want a man who can express himself emotionally" when the masses of them don't respond to those men.

Being a emotional guy I wish it were seen differently. I don't hide behind anything and I am who I am. I think most guys don't even know who they are and they hide behind layers of emotions which I guess is the mystery women love. But in my logical male mind it seems like someone would rather be with someone who trully knows themselves. But I don't know if women look at it like that.

I also know the best success I've had with women is blowing them off. If a guy gets turned away he generally leaves. But I've had some women who I wasn't interested in pursue me for months. Even if I wasn't interested in them at first. I showed them no emotion. In fact I guess I showed them a lack of emotion. Yet they perceived it as strong or masculine. As I look back now and realize that when I opened up to women on a emotional level, it was usually about the time the relationship started heading south. So I agree that it's wrong, but I also know, at least from my own experiences and those I've seen, that it doesn't seem to work in real life.

[chuff]

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

I do agree. 100%. What's worse is women as a group say they "want a man that can express himself and his emotions" and yet they don't respond in real life to those men. I work in a bar and I see this pattern of behavior repeated time and again. So it's a catch 22 for emotional guys. Be emotional like women say and get ignored or be a jerk which goes against our grain and get attention.