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A4Effort · Oct 19, 2009, 03:08 PM

Damn it!! I will not wallow in this pain. I will not give up. Why hell am I such a dumbass. Screw all this pain . Time to man up and do work.

By the way I have a random question.

There is a girl that I recently met. She is insanly good looking, confident, smart, and very much like my type. I have heard from some of my friends that she is hard to get and many boys chase her.

How do I distinguish myself from the rest and capture her attention. I was told by my friend that I need to be confident, social, and pretend hard to get.

Now I am bringing my A game tomorrow. I will dress up real nice and be the confident man I am. Any advice on how to get a girl that is hard to get?

I am not looking to date her yet but I am looking to go on a date or two. Should I ask her to go out together after my first meeting with her? Do I play it cool and just discuss the subject at hand and not mention anything else?

friend4u178 · Oct 19, 2009, 03:58 PM

Don't you think you've got enough Demons going on in your head at the moment without introducing another one??

A4Effort · Oct 19, 2009, 04:01 PM

I don't even know what the he'll is wrong with me. My emotions change by the minute. I need to takecontrol of them.

emopunk7 · Oct 19, 2009, 04:36 PM

Hey... im having almost the same trouble as you... got together and I loved it then she broke up and after 6 months we got back together and now we have been broken up for a month... I have been talking to a new girl and going on a second date tomorrow. Just relax and be yourself around her. Don't try too hard and just be cool. You don't want to try and be someone you are not because then she won't like you later. If she likes you for you then that's what counts. But right now, although it's a good thing to keep you busy, you have to take it extremely slow. I have been doing very good and I am very proud of myself considering how much I loved my ex. But since it is still a little in the back of my head I am taking it very slow with the girl I am dating now. Maybe at least for another month which I assume I should be over it totally. I am doing this as a smooth transition.

A4Effort · Oct 19, 2009, 06:28 PM

Yeah, I think my transition is a little more bumpy with all the damn high's and lows I am having.

There are days where I just want to drop everything and say f' it to everything but then there are days were I am so motivated to do well.

This is one hell of a life lesson.
Thank you everyone for staying with me and continue supporting me even when I get like this. I appreciate everything piece of advice and I apologize for not following some of it. I am learning through experience.

There will be a post hopefully soon where I will let you all know that I am fine. I will tell you all how I have moved on and am ready to live life again as a single man.

paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 07:11 PM

Hope you get to that part man.

A4Effort · Oct 19, 2009, 08:40 PM

Once again just posting here to let my feelings out.

Here I am. Its almost midnight. I am keeping busy with my assignments. I look out the windows and I think of you. I think of the moments we shared. I think of the happiness that I once had. I am heartbroken that this ended this way. I cannot believe that I had to learn from you that the past six months were all a lie. I do not know why you stuck with me. Why did you hurt me twice? I am praying for time to pass so that my heart can scar and have the bleeding stop. You are most likely in your room studying. You are not even batting an eyelash as you turn the pages of your book. Your heart feels not remorse. You heart does not feel guilt. Your heart is healed. You do not realize the pain that I am in. You do not sympathize for me and the situation that you put me in. I wish I could tell you all this but it would not help me in any way. I truly hope that one day you realize the mistake you made. I hope that one day you realize the pain you inflicted onto me. You are too young and have not realized what your actions have done to me. Maybe you never will. Maybe your heart will always be like this. Here I sit in my puddle. The pieces of my broken heart floating around.

I look at myself and wonder what type of man I am. Am I too weak? Am I too caring? Am I too compassionate? Am I too sensitive? Do I need to change? Do I need to be strong? Do I need to be more masculine? I do not know why you left me? I do not know what changed in me that lead you to loose your feelings for me?

I fell hard because I invested so much of myself into this relationship. I fell hard and now I am having a difficult time picking myself up. I know I will be fine one day. I know I will love again. I know I will find another. I know I will be successful. I know I will do great in all my future endeavors.

I was made to believe that I was in a fairy tale. You professing your love for me kept this fairy tale alive. I never realized that this was a fairy tale. I believed it to be true. This fairly tale turned into reality and you showed me your true colors. Now I am alone. Now I am hurt. Now I am building myself back up. I am learning from this experience. As my heart heals and scars up it is becoming stronger. I am growing and becoming a better man. You will not take advantage of what I have to offer anymore. I will battle through the lows and enjoy the highs.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 04:18 AM

My stomach is upset, my insides are all twisted up, and my heart is in pain. My mind is exhausted and my body is tired. I have no drive today and I just want to give up. But never have I done this before. When I fall I get up. When I hurt, I heel fast. But this is the first time I feel different. I am sick of struggling and gasping for happiness. I am sick of the emotional rollercoaster. There is nothing I can do besides let time pass. But it feels as if time has stopped for me and my emotions continue to stay the same. I don't know how much longer I can be strong. So these are the consequences of love. These are the lost pages in the fairy tale books that are not shown. She is winning and I am losing. Losing my mind, my strength, my motivation, and my ability to reason.

Today is a low.

amicon · Oct 20, 2009, 04:38 AM

AE-. It s not been a month yet-be patient with yourself.
Plus you have to see her in class sometimes.
You can't force the healing it happens gradually.
Are you getting enough sleep?

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 05:11 AM

I usually do but the last few days have been very stressful and I have been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. I need to continue doing this for a few more days until all the exams are done.

amicon · Oct 20, 2009, 05:22 AM

Ok so long as you get back to normal soon.
Try to have a good day.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 06:15 AM

I remember the trip we took to Cape Cod. We had a blast together, spending our time on the lake, swimming in the ocean, kayaking together, visiting surrounding towns, strolling through Province Town, getting lost, roasting marshmallows, and much much more.

I remember our trips to Montreal. We enjoyed visiting Notre Dam, eating in old Montreal, sight seeing, sleeping in a sketchy hotel, shopping, and dining at different places.

I remember visiting NY & NYC. We enjoyed listening to different cultures, rock climbing, hiking different state parks, visiting family, sleeping in late, visiting China town/Little Italy, and enjoying the company of our friends.

I remember the countless hours spent together. I remember the experiences we shared. I remember the countless adventures we went on, the countless miles driven, and the new places we explored. I remember the white rafting trip we went on even though I had a fractured rib. I remember teaching you taekwondo and how to grapple. I remember the skinny dipping, the passion, the love, and any other feelings associated with you.

I loved waking up in the morning and feeling your warmth on my skin. I loved your soft lips. I loved running my hands along your beautiful thin and curvy body. I loved your curly brown hair. I loved your intelligence, your maturity, and everything else.

I remember our first kiss, our first date, and our first time. I remember the time I randomly took you to the outlook. I turned on the headlights, blasted the music, and took you out to dance in the middle of the night under the stars.

I remember how we talked all summer before we saw it each other in college. I remember the 8+ hour conversations we had on AIM. We stood up all night until the sun peaked through the windows. I remember running through the sprinklers with you, dancing in the water fountain, and dancing at the clubs.

I loved but now all this is gone. All these memories and many more are inscribed in my heart. But now you are gone. Here I am sitting in my bed with tears running down my face as I write this down.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 06:18 AM

Do you remember living before you met her? Did you not have a life before her? Are you not capable of living after her?

Imabadman · Oct 20, 2009, 06:24 AM

Quit wallowing. She's just some girl. When you finally get her off this pedestal you've placed her upon you'll figure that out.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Do you remember living before you met her? Did you not have a life before her? Are you not capable of living after her?

Yes I remember living before her. I remember hiding in the closet with my sister at age 5 because the soldiers were knocking at our door. I remember my mother telling us not to come out no matter what we heard. I remember fighter jets flying a few feet above our house. I remember the bullet holes in our house. I remember my uncle sleeping in front of our house with a gun in his lap. I remember having to leave my country and moving to Germany. I remember being discriminated by others. I remember not being allowed into a certain school because I was foreign. I remember having to leave that country too and loose everything once again. I remember coming her and watching my parents divorce after everything that has happened. I remember my dad attempting suicide. I remember having to be the parent and not the child. I remember my sister screwing up and constantly fighting with my parents. I remember working my off to be accepted by my peers in school because I was the new kid. She opened my eyes to new experiences. She took me in and accepted me for who I was. I did not have to pretend to be strong or be anyone else besides myself.

I am capable of living after her but it is hard to let go of what I had.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 06:28 AM

Well stop remembering the past and start living for the future. I realize you have been through a lot, so start using your experiences to get over your freaking self pity! It is getting borderline ridiculous! You still have a heartbeat... utilize it!

Imabadman · Oct 20, 2009, 06:31 AM

Dude... read your posts again. Hard to let go?!

She not only crushed you once but several times. From what I gather from YOUR accounts she's a self centered, self serving little trollope. This hag has been wiping her feet on you for a damn long time.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Well stop remembering the past and start living for the future. I realize you have been through a lot, so start using your experiences to get over your freaking self pity! It is getting borderline ridiculous! You still have a heartbeat...utilize it!

Borderline ridiculous? No, this is ridiculous. I do not want to feel this way. I have never in my entire life been this weak. I have conquered all this s*** above and never looked back. I don't know why this is so different. Compared to my past this should not be this hard. But it is.

Originally Posted by Imabadman

Dude... read your posts again. Hard to let go?!?

She not only crushed you once but several times. From what I gather from YOUR accounts she's a self centered, self serving little trollope. This hag has been wiping her feet on you for a damn long time.

She might have done that but she also gave me more than anyone else.

Imabadman · Oct 20, 2009, 06:35 AM

Buddy your doing this to yourself. I wish you luck.

Ciao.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 06:37 AM

I don't care what you have to do to fake it, but you need to stand up, look in the mirror and repeat until your freaking throat hurts, "I will NOT let this beat me!"

No one owes you anything in life, no matter what you have endured. Fight the battle, continue progressing and stand true to what you want to be. Are you proud of yourself right now?