[talaniman]

When she calls, which she will, you can let her know what's best for you. After all, she sure let you know what the hell was best for her!

Priceless.

[talaniman]

Its only natural to want to voice your feelings. Especially when it has a lot of intense emotion involved. Don't do it to her, EXERCISE!!

[bummedout4]

OK well everyone I know I am going to get ripped for this one. I gave in and called her this morning before work. I know today is her big test and she is one to stress out and get all worried about these things. I just called her and asked her how she has been and to wish her good luck on her test. Whether I should have , I don't know, I know everyone will say I shouldn't have called her but that was all we talked about. I just had the urge and I couldn't resist, I figured it really wouldn't hurt and I am tired of pretending like she is someone else that I don't know and not that same girl I have loved. Well, that's it we talked for a few minutes and I actually feel better. So she said she would call me later on, don't know when , so I guess we will speak then. Other than that everything else is the same, last night I had more dreams and thoughts in my head about what to do and what will happen to us. I feel better today because I talked to her and I know we don't hate each other and there is always a possibility of us getting back together down the road. I am starting to see that maybe we both need this in order to grow and learn how to love the right way, hopefully with each other. If not, I know this time in my life will help me somehow in the future with whoever else I am involved with. It sucks right now, but I hope its all for a reason.

[smoothy]

Bad thing to do to her before a test... she needed to focus all of her concentration on that test but your needs were more important than hers apparently.

Listen to what you wrote... Its all about you and what you want. Not about what is best for her at the moment.

[bummedout4]

Bad thing to do to her before a test....she needed to focus all of her concentration on that test but your needs were more important than hers apparently.

Listen to what you wrote.... Its all about you and what you want. Not about what is best for her at the moment.

You think she will see it like that? It was just a friendly good luck, no emotion or other talk about her, me or us. Well I guess we all tend to be selfish sometimes, I didn't see it like that but I guess it could be seen as such.

[smoothy]

You think she will see it like that? It was just a friendly good luck, no emotion or other talk about her, me or us. Well i guess we all tend to be selfish sometimes, i didnt see it like that but i guess it could be seen as such.

Quite honestly... its hard to know for certain, it depends on where she is right now emotionally, it could be either way. But since you do not know for sure it could easily disrupt her concentration for the test. I've been in college so I know that isn't hard to do.

[bummedout4]

Quite honestly...its hard to know for certain, it depends on where she is right now emotionally, it could be either way. But since you do not know for sure it could easily disrupt her concentration for the test. I've been in college so I know that isn't hard to do.

Yeah you are right, well either way I wasn't trying to make her lose concentration. I think she is more emotinally stable right now then me since she is the one that wants this situation although I am sure she still feels something and has thoughts of me and us and what we had and if this is what she wants. Well I hope she just sees it like I care about her and want her to do well, that's all.

[ConfusedandLost]

Hey stop torturing yourself man... she knows EXACTLY how you feel. Only when you COMPLETELY let go is when you will be at ease and will get all the answers you are looking for. Let go... be patient... time to yourself will bring you the answers you are looking for. Trust me... I'm there right now :)

[Homegirl 50]

I think your phone call was selfish. She told you she wants a break and you call or text, saying you're doing it to check on her or encourage her, but this is about easig your pain. You have not respected her request.
Her break up with you was not about you, it was about her. If she feels she needs a break, she has the right to feel that way. It hurts you, but it is not about you. Stop calling her. You are just making it harder for her.
I'm sure if she were thinking that she wanted to get back with you, she would not be seeing other people. Stop trying to figure out what you think she is thinking and do what she asked you to do. Leave her alone.

[Sad Soul]

I think your phone call was selfish. She told you she wants a break and you call or text, saying you're doing it to check on her or encourage her, but this is about easig your pain. You have not respected her request.
Her break up with you was not about you, it was about her. If she feels she needs a break, she has the right to feel that way. It hurts you, but it is not about you. Stop calling her. You are just making it harder for her.
I'm sure if she were thinking that she wanted to get back with you, she would not be seeing other people. Stop trying to figure out what you think she is thinking and do what she asked you to do. Leave her alone.

Homegirl, this is bang on!!

[bummedout4]

Well I wasn't trying to be selfish, I guess in a way yeah I wanted to hear her voice and talk to her. So you all think that she doesn't want to hear from me? Even if she said that she does? Well I honestly was surprised that I lasted this long without calling her, over a week. I guess I have to regain my strength and let her contact me, if she really wants to talk to me.

[smoothy]

And by continuing to call you are not starting the process of getting over her, and just prolonging the period of pain.

You can't make her want you. And with everything that has happened you are likely doing more harm to that possibility than you are helping it.

Like I said... do this on a day she is in a bad mood and you could be looking at a restraining order... now that's something you don't want. If she wants to talk, she will call you. Keep pushing her and you might find yourself bent over a jail cell bunk by a career criminal with a thing for young guys.

And no I'm not kidding.

[bummedout4]

And by continuing to call you are not starting the process of getting over her, and just prolonging the period of pain.

You can't make her want you. And with everything that has happened you are likely doing more harm to that possibility than you are helping it.

Like I said...do this on a day she is in a bad mood and you could be looking at a restraining order...now thats something you don't want. If she wants to talk, she will call you. Keep pushing her and you might find yourself bent over a jail cell bunk by a career criminal with a thing for young guys.

And no I'm not kidding.

Point taken smoothy. I don't think we are at that level of dislike where she doesn't want me to call her or possibly see her down the line so I don't think she would really think I am stalking her. I know I can't make her want me, I just feel that she is torn between wanting to be with me and doing her own thing and being "free." I know the only way is for her to find out on her own, its just hard for me to let go of her and let things happen naturally. I keep feeling that if I just let go and don't try to make her see why she fell in love with me in the first place that I will regret it down the road wondering if I should have done more. Well I am listening to everyone's advice, I am not going to do anything stupid and push her to make decisions now on the future. Everyday is a struggle to control myself and I hope it just gets easier as time goes on and that everything works out for the best.

[smoothy]

Point taken smoothy. I don't think we are at that level of dislike where she doesnt want me to call her or possibly see her down the line so i dont think she would really think i am stalking her. I know i can't make her want me, i just feel that she is torn between wanting to be with me and doing her own thing and being "free." I know the only way is for her to find out on her own, its just hard for me to let go of her and let things happen naturally. I keep feeling that if i just let go and don't try to make her see why she fell in love with me in the first place that i will regret it down the road wondering if i should have done more. Well i am listening to everyone's advice, i am not going to do anything stupid and push her to make decisions now on the future. Everyday is a struggle to control myself and i hope it just gets easier as time goes on and that everything works out for the best.

Also remember, you aren't in her head right now so you can't make assumptions... she might be cordial to not stir things up.. it could be because she isn't angry, or it could be out of fear. Point is you don't know for sure. Because you don't know you could quickly find yourself in a bad situation before you even know she was that upset.

You can't assume she is torn... you are projecting YOUR wishes onto her and convincing yourself of what you would like to hear.

What happened before has no bearings now... I've known people that once were the world to each other and now each wish es the other would die.

Like we have all said... leave her alone... if she calls she calls... if she doesn't then you know she doesn't want to talk. But move on. Forget her, and stop trying to convince yourself every little thing is somehow a sign of what you want to hear. Its not doing you or her any good to dwell on that.

It does get easier... the human race would be extinct if it didn't.

Everyone goes through this, most people however suck it up, tell themselves well ain't this the sh*t, deal with the pain and move on to someone else.

There are no shortcuts on the pain... you just deal with it.. you don't keep stoking the fire that's about to burn the house down you are in. You put her out of your mind.. and only when you have done this the pain will subside, A wound won't heal if you keep picking at the scab every day.

We don't want to be seeing you on the national news because you dwelled on this one woman long enough you lose it.

[bummedout4]

Also remember, you aren't in her head right now so you can't make assumptions....she might be cordial to not stir things up.., it could be because she isn't angry, or it could be out of fear. Point is you don't know for sure. Because you don't know you could quickly find yourself in a bad situation before you even know she was that upset.

You can't assume she is torn...you are projecting YOUR wishes onto her and convincing yourself of what you would like to hear.

What happened before has no bearings now...I've known people that once were the world to each other and now each wish es the other would die.

Like we have all said...leave her alone...if she calls she calls....if she doesn't then you know she doesn't want to talk. But move on. Forget her, and stop trying to convince yourself every little thing is somehow a sign of what you want to hear. Its not doing you or her any good to dwell on that.

It does get easier....the human race would be extinct if it didn't.

Everyone goes through this, most people however suck it up, tell themselves well ain't this the sh*t, deal with the pain and move on to someone else.

There are no shortcuts on the pain....you just deal with it..you don't keep stoking the fire thats about to burn the house down you are in. You put her out of your mind..and only when you have done this the pain will subside, A wound won't heal if you keep picking at the scab every day.

We don't want to be seeing you on the national news because you dwelled on this one woman long enough you lose it.

Yeah I hear you, I know it will get easier, it just sucks getting there. I won't be on the news though , don't worry, I'm not going to do anything crazy. As hard as it is, I know you are all right that if she wants to talk to me , she will call. Just waiting for that call , unconciously looking at the clock and phone, drives me crazy. I just wish she would say hey get lost or I want to be with you and not this unknown confusion state. Well anyway, thanks again for the insight. I am trying to keep my mind occupied but its hard at work, its pretty boring.

[smoothy]

Yeah i hear ya, i know it will get easier, it just sucks getting there. I won't be on the news though , dont worry, i'm not going to do anything crazy. As hard as it is, i know you are all right that if she wants to talk to me , she will call. Just waiting for that call , unconciously looking at the clock and phone, drives me crazy. I just wish she would say hey get lost or i want to be with you and not this unknown confusion state. Well anyways, thanks again for the insight. I am trying to keep my mind occupied but its hard at work, its pretty boring.

That's why you put her out of your mind... when she isn't the center of focus you will get there faster and with less pain, and yes, it sucks, it hurts, nobody will say it doesn't , but it's a rite of passage, you will have worse to deal with in time (your parents aren't immortal after all) and like I said, it builds character.

Like I mentioned in another thread. What separates winners from losers is how they handle adversity.

A winner picks themselves up, learns from the bad experience and moves on to the next opportunity a little wiser.

A loser feels sorry for themselves and cries in their Wheaties about the situation.

A mark of a man is how he deals with tough situations. And not all people are equal.

[farfrmnormal]

I actually stopped coming to this site because of all of the mixed communication being mashed around. The whole situation is, he is not stalking her, not showing up at her home un-announced and he is not over stepping any boundaries - she never asked him to stop calling. He has said that if she does, he will stop calling her. Heck, its been over 1 week since they last spoke (with the exception of today). I personally think the call was harmless and if she didn't want him to call at all she would block his number

[smoothy]

I actually stopped coming to this site because of all of the mixed communication being mashed around. The whole situation is, he is not stalking her, not showing up at her home un-announced and he is not over stepping any boundaries - she never asked him to stop calling. He has said that if she does, he will stop calling her. Heck, its been over 1 week since they last spoke (with the exception of today). I personally think the call was harmless and if she didn't want him to call at all she would block his number

Really, when a woman says don't call and you keep calling... etc... you might want to talk to a legal authority... you don't have to be in their face. And in this case that is exactly that. And there is a lot of people here that can't seem to take no for an answer. Nobody has the right to keep calling ANY person after they were told not to. And they shouldn't have to go to the expense and trouble of changing phone numbers just to get away from someone who doesn't take no for an answer. No should suffice.

Now every case is not the same, but I'll venture a guess more than a few people on this board have gone beyond bad taste into the creepy zone, just on the first two pages of threads alone... And its not that hard to get a restraining order or to cross the line into stalking. You don't have to have an evil intent to stalk.

Not saying this is the case with the OP, but its not hard to make that jump when you are in the lovesick ex stage in some cases.


I've known women terrorized by guys that would not leave them alone... and known a few guys as well that had trouble letting go. So yeah, this stuff does happen to people. Not to mention I've had a couple difficult to get over breakups myself in the past. So I do know first hand how hard it really can be, and how easy to step over that line. Mostly because you aren't thinking clearly or rationally at that point.

[farfrmnormal]

She can talk to legal authority, but until she feels that her life is in danger the police will not do anything about it - I am educated in legal matters such as that - however; my point and I think the point he is trying to get across is, She did not ask him to stop calling her. She asked him to keep in contact. This is where I don't believe he is overstepping any boundaries that have been set - there are none.

All I think he needs to do right now is stop overthinking things - that's the problem

[smoothy]

Well I read differently into what has been said, But I do agree he is overthinking things.