[emopunk7]

Well I can't lie and say its all roses now but I feel very happy and everything seems great. I'm talking to a few girls and well I hope there will be more... one seems very interested in me... It keeps me busy and distracted quite a lot.
Mornings, since its so quiet and lonely, really suck... I am doing pretty good I think and it has only been a month... thank you everyone for baring with me... I appreciate... I may have a few more vents but I think I'm okay... letting the emotional dust settle a bit more before I put things into perspective.

[friend4u178]

Good for you Emo , and vent away whenever you need to it's good therapy :cool:

[Cat1864]

Emo, I am glad you are doing better. Just take your time and have fun. :)

[emopunk7]

Thank you Cat and Friend! You both are very encouraging! Well I have a date on Saturday! I'm kind of excited and she said she is very excited to see me again. We used to talk while back. Well of course I'm not jealous or anything especially since I'm trying to be very cool and relaxful... but I guess it was a little weird for me... here it goes...

We were talking and I liked that she was open as I appreciate honesty a lot... she would tell me about dates and how she met losers and all this stuff which is cool. Then she tells me she has been talking to a guy but she says that he is "gorgeous" and that even I would like him... lol But she says he is a party guy and she couldn't trust him and he lives in jersey (we are in NY) and she can't see herself with him... But I'm not rele bothered but just wondering if its "normal" for her to tell me a guy she dates/dated is gorgeous... I find a bit funny and of course I didn't say anything because I don't want to start acting stupid and then she won't open up... so again... just wondering about that... is it nothing?

P.S. While it happened and I was thinking of it, I quickly thought "its all about how you deal with it" so I decided to let the entire conversation go its course and then talk to my friends here before anything. I quickly thought "smart move". Lol

[Cat1864]

Ep, you want honesty-you got honesty. :)

Some people will talk about anything and everything. It comes to mind-it exits mouth. It doesn't sound like she meant to put you down or hurt your feelings. She was just being upfront and treating you like a friend which is what you need right now. However, it is common to be taken aback when the conversation takes strange (to the listener) turns. Just don't take what she says personally. I don't think that is how she means it.

I am very proud of you for not over-reacting. Remember that you have no hold on this female other than friendship. So, try not to expect any more than you would from a friend.

Take it slow. Your still healing and you don't want to get into a rebound relationship that sets you back below your starting point.

I hope you have fun on the date. :)

[emopunk7]

Well I didn't go to her house or anything because she had to study but we kept texting... we will hang out on Tuesday... besides that, today was suppose to be our anniversary... im a bit down.

I want to move on but its so hard realizing its over and she was so pretty to me. I was used to her and we had great times... how could I forget that. We did so much together and if I were bored I'd call her and out we went or did something... now I'm bored and alone. I don't know what to do.

[Cat1864]

Ep, you need to get out and do something. Sitting at home with your memories isn't going to help today.

Do you like cooking? Have you tried baking bread? Kneading dough can help get out some frustrations. Cooking can also be time consuming and involves hands and head. Useful skill, too.

[emopunk7]

No I'm a doorman so I'm stuck here till 12... its only 3 pm.

[Cat1864]

So, you are at work. That does kind of make it boring.

I hope things pick up or you find something suitable to keep busy.

[emopunk7]

I just find it weird how she just said she needs time to get unpissed and then after a week I go to her job and say sorry and sonce she wouldn't tell me I asked if we are broken up and she says yes... like I have to ask? And she goes straight to hanging out the next day. Mind you we had a great time before all this... I don't get it... then when I caught her I was upset that she lied and then she throws that she hasn't gone out with her friends and all this stuff just like last time and I'm like this isn't even about that... u could have been honest but your lying... why? Then she says she doesn't have to tell me and she doesn't have to check in... n I'm like what? What is that about but I was mad so I said yes and she said fu ck you to me and then she hung up on me and then she didn't call me till 5 hours later and I'm sure she went to hang out again. I feel bad for doing it back the next day and I tried not to but on the phone when I asked her what is she doing at night she said staying home and then she said what you want to come babysit me or something... I was like what? This is only happening because you lied for the 3rd time without being honest when you said you would. I have reason. But that pissed me off too much and then payback came and I feel bad. I know how hurt I was the night she lied to me and it hurt a lot but somehow I still want her... is something wrong with me?

[emopunk7]

N I try thinking if I'm too jealous or if it was me but I never checked her phone... I let her have her privacy on the internet sites and all and never asked for passwords... I let her be her at her job and never interferred with anything. I mean the occasional feeling a bit insecure with her going to like a pajama party with girl and guy friends I didn't know who do crazy things but I figured that's got to be understandable... im not crazy or something... I know what's good and not good. So I don't get it.

[talaniman]

I will agree its you who doesn't get it yet, as going over, and over old ground gets you nothing but confusion. She didn't do it your way, nor wanted too, so what is there to get? You probably only lasted this long because you accepted what she did, and in her mind, condoned it. That has continued long after the break up, and until you make up your mind, to put false hope and confusion behind you and do for yourself, whatever it takes to move forward, you still will not get it. Forget her actions of the past, and get your own for the future, as anything less will only keep you from getting it.

If your board at work, that's something you can do something about, besides trying to figure out what she is doing, and thinking.

[emopunk7]

Ok I guess I will try to stop talking and thinking about it... and 3 years isn't so long anyway, right? How do I know what to do differently with the next girlfriend? I stopped checking her phone and I let her have her privacy and I stopped calling girls and I worked on all I had to... so what next? It still didn't work. This time SHE was going out behind my back... go figure. What should I work on? I can have more trust I am sure. How do I work on that?

[friend4u178]

Emo
Everything you say you were doing is perfectly normal , you should trust your partner , they should be allowed to go out without you etc etc.

What do you need to get?? Get that she obviously crossed the boundaries at times and you condoned it by not sticking up for yourself and dumped her , you've said yourself that you would've never dumped her and she knew that and played on it. Get it??

Now , stop trying to get it and forget about this girl and worrying about something that's now totally out of your control , otherwise we'll all be here in another 50 pages and you'll still be asking the same questions.

I'm more than happy to be in here in 50 pages but lets be talking about how well you've progressed and how much you've learnt.

[Cat1864]

Emo, this is last time I will say this (I will start copying and pasting it if I have to):

Let yourself heal and unpack the baggage from this last relationship.

You will someday, when you are ready, find a woman (not a girl) that you want to be with in a healthy relationship. Hopefully, she will share the same basic ideas that you do.

You will know to sit down and discuss with her what you both want in a relationship. You will set the boundaries together and work together to build something stronger than you have ever had before.

[talaniman]

What should I work on?

Work on having a happy life without a female. You get to attached and it makes you blind to reality. You seem to have convinced yourself that she is more important than anything else, so you eat crap to keep someone who doesn't see you the same way.

The best way not to eat crap, dump it when you see it.

[emopunk7]

Thank you friend and cat... its that sometimes I say its all my fault and even though I fixed all those other things I maybe could have done more... like not get upset when I get scared or not have fun when she wasn't that way she wouldn't get sad... I don't know... I was trying everything. I should have just let her done everything else and let her go out without telling me and lie to me... it would have been better than this.

[emopunk7]

Darnit! I apologized and even went to her job to say it. I put effort when I am wrong unlike her. All I know for sure is that I gave it my best best shot! It still wasn't enough for her and I am sure she will regret it someday! I am very nice and certain situations can be a bit difficult for me to handle but if she didn't like it we could have had dinner or something to talk about it. She didn't have to hurt me 3 times with the same things and then blame it on me after we agreed on something

[friend4u178]

If you don't stop analysing her actions and thoughts it's going to be very difficult to move forward.

[talaniman]

I get it now!!!!! You like the taste of CRAP!!!!!