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crushedovernover · Oct 7, 2008, 08:04 AM

Well, there has been a lot of ups and dwns due to the whole time we have been in a custody case because she is moving my son to be with a 40yr old guy she cheated on me with and married 5 months after meeting.. she is 26. Lol

So how do I look at my break up, honestly stick to no contact, it reallys does NOTHING, just keep you and your ex apart, I guess what I was trying to say is only you the idividual can move on " DOING something" won't cause you yourself to move on..

I think I handle this break up like a champ. Didn't call her ever never, anytime I seen her friends never once brought her or the situation up and was always very courgal with them,
I got a lot accomplished this year, had 4 mma fights, finished my fire fighting program, have a couple interviews in the coming year. So things are going well.

North nice guy I couldn't help but read your signature...
Everything will be OK in the end.

If it's not OK, it's not the end."

Im not over my ex completely, ill be the first to admit but a close friend of mine said to me, you have trouble letting go because you know it is not over between us.

This is why I have chosen to change history and stick with the NC

Dare81 · Oct 7, 2008, 01:15 PM

I had to talk to my ex last night about some unfinished business, I think everything is settled now.I handled ii much better this time.Kept it very professional to the point,as Tal says Short polite but unavailable.
How's everyone else doing?

bigbird213 · Oct 7, 2008, 03:06 PM

Glad to hear it went well Dare... Can you feel yourself making progress now?

Dare81 · Oct 7, 2008, 03:20 PM

I didn't think I did , then I started reading some of my previous posts here and then I realized I have made a little progress.Hopefully with time it wll get better.
How are you doing Big Bird

bigbird213 · Oct 7, 2008, 03:26 PM

I'm doing fine...

Granted I think my NC count now is somewhere over 150 days. The last time we had contact was the end of April and here it is the beginning of October. Progress? Certainly - its amazing to see where you where and where you came from...

Funny thing is I still think about her more than I thought I would, though the thoughts don't get me down and they don't last more than 10 seconds. Its amazing what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it (and your forced :p)

Let me know if you have any questions..

Dare81 · Oct 7, 2008, 03:42 PM

My relationship lasted 9 years so I know its going to take some time before I get over her.but as you said before, this has given me an opportunity to do whatever I want, I don't have to talk to her for an hour before going to bed, opens up that time for me to do whatever I want.

Fredj88 · Oct 8, 2008, 05:08 AM

Day fifteen of nc, it's hard but every day I feel a little better

buymeanewlife · Oct 8, 2008, 05:57 AM

Day 32 of NC. I cracked two days ago and called her, but she pushed my call to voicemail and never called back. Probably for the best. I won't make that mistake again.

She's starting a new life in California, and I'm starting mine out east. It's tough to accept the fact that that part of my life is really over, and I'm never going to have that closeness with that woman ever again. She's the one who threw it away for someone else, so there's not much I can do but accept it. I don't want to say it's getting better every day, but my new life has a little more history every day, so I think less and less about my old one.

I've gone on a few dates with a girl who I get along great and seem really compatible with. I'm definitely not rushing into anything, but she certainly helps take my mind off my ex. Things are improving, I think. This is actually my second time getting over a multi-year relationship where she just up and left, so I know for a fact that it gets better. It's all about endurance.

hungtoronto · Oct 8, 2008, 08:01 AM

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.

How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.

Take care xxx

Dare81 · Oct 8, 2008, 11:13 AM

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311125]Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.

How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.

Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all I would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, I don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do I think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.
Your feelings got hurt to did you ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get I just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

NorthernNiceGuy · Oct 8, 2008, 11:21 AM

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311445]

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.

How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.

Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and I'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.

hungtoronto · Oct 8, 2008, 11:52 AM

[QUOTE=NorthernNiceGuy;1311456]

Originally Posted by Dare81

I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and i'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.

I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

hungtoronto · Oct 8, 2008, 11:54 AM

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311445]

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.

How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.

Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

You are welcome Dare, we are all in this together and we'll help whenever you need. I guess sometime I need to be reminded that I am doing the right thing.

Dare81 · Oct 8, 2008, 12:17 PM

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311504]

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

This sounds a lot better.
But by letting her just drop by your place whenever she wants you are giving her control.Sounds like you are going to be waiting around for her. You are a busy man and have other things to do.

And I don't think you need to tell her that you are gong to China , just tell her you would not be around for a month

This is how I would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

hungtoronto · Oct 8, 2008, 12:56 PM

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311554]

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

This is how i would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

Well, she knows where I'll be going since we had this trip planned before we brokeup. But you are right Dare, she doesn't need to know where I am going.

Dare81 · Oct 8, 2008, 01:04 PM

Make sure you enjoy yourself in China.:0

bigbird213 · Oct 8, 2008, 01:37 PM

I think you should wait until your back and you'll realize you don't want to write her at all anymore. You might not believe me now, but you will when you get back :)

Just for the record, I had those same thoughts early on (like NNG said) and it seems to me like you are trying to convince yourself more than her.. Just leave the letters out of it for now, let the dust settle...

NorthernNiceGuy · Oct 8, 2008, 02:16 PM

Just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... by the way that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.

hungtoronto · Oct 8, 2008, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... btw that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.

NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said OK. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because I thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on Yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think I will. This is why I think I should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel a lot better emotionally.

NorthernNiceGuy · Oct 8, 2008, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said ok. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because i thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think i will. This is why I think i should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel alot better emotionally.

Ah I see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.