[MLB33]

Hey maggie, You said a few posts ago that your g/f has "gone fishing" a few times... calling Im guessin. Anyway, do you want her back? This is the part I want to know... when that happens, IF you want to try and make it work, how do you express that to them without sounding mean or like a doormat? At what point do you pick up the phone and talk.

[ihatewestseneca]

MLB... I see your posts all the time and you're always asking the same thing, "what do i do/say if she calls"... I think you're just posting it over and over again waiting for a specific answer. Try to think of what to do when she doesn't call, if she's going to call, I doubt it will be for awhile... so long that you'll most likely not care whether she calls. I wanted my ex to call me so bad for like the first month. Stop worrying about her calling and move on. I've heard that answer so many times and I hated it every time, but it's the best answer you're going to get... forget her. Jiser's signature says it all... its my new favorite quote ever. Psh, women.

[ihatewestseneca]

BTW, if you're wondering if she misses you... I'm sure she does, a lot... that is, if your time with her was spent wisely. My 2yrs with my ex were amazing... I know she loved every minute of it like I did, so if she doesn't miss me, she has got to be crazy... or she's got another man to take her mind off me, but eventually she'll miss me. And yours will miss you too, if she's not already. Give it time... if you still want her when she calls in say... maybe 4 or 5 months... then its up to you.

[MLB33]

Well, you're right. But I still want to know haha. I just wonder. I mean, maybe she won't call its surprised the hell out of me so far that she hasn't... which is killing me but, maybe she won't ever. I realize that. I just want to know what to say if she does and nobody will answer it. I know I posted it a lot. Sorry for being so repetitive.

[MLB33]

You just added something else while I was responding. I think, pretty sure, that she's hanging out with a guy. I don't know him at all but he was a coworker she talked about a lot. So I'm sure her mind is occupied with him for the time being. But it will wear off eventually and she will have to think about me. She's just the type of girl that really is sweet. Cares about everything. So it has surprised me she hadn't even called to just check on me or something that's just how she is. So... therefore, she's prob with him, BUT, at some point, at night, or when she's alone, she'll think...

[ISneezeFunny]

It's all right MLB. I'm wondering what's going on with my ex too. After the breakup, she was a wreck for about 2 weeks... and I was fine. But now, after a month, it seems like the tables have been turned. I can't go roughly 2 hours without thinking about her... all the while she's having a great time (or so it seems). She's out with her friends, hanging out with this new guy, etc.

Some will say that she's doing all that to distract herself... but who knows? We live within 2 miles of each other... go to the same school... and yet... nothing. I'm surprised she hasn't called me either. Oh well. Que sera sera.

p.s. - my ex did check on me (sorta) by asking my best friend how I'm doing. I'm not sure if she actually wanted to know or if she did this to get on my best friend's good side by at least faking that she wanted to know. Who knows?

[MLB33]

She lives about 20 seconds from me in another apt. haha. I refuse to drive by there. One because I dotn want her to know I am and two, I don't want to see her with another guy. You kidna described our relationship... she smothered me at first then I smothered her. Its amazing how we did almost an exact 180. Anyway, its day 10 of NC and day 10 since our breakup. This is just not a lot of fun.

[ihatewestseneca]

Yeah, I know my ex is with someone too, but I've realized that she's very immature and confused... and when the newness of that relationship fades away, which it always does... She'll realize she'll have to work at it, and I doubt she'll want to. She didn't want to keep going with me, and I things were really great between us... But enough about her, I still think about her and stuff, but I finally went on a date the other night, and it went really well. I'm trying my hardest not to compare her to my ex, and so far I'm doing a lot better. Maybe its just the newness and hope of my new relationship, but I def. still think about my ex. And she emailed me the other day saying that she really did enjoy our relationship and that she misses me, but she said she just doesn't feel the same right now, she said she wasn't sure about the future, and neither am I, because the break-up came out of nowhere, so who knows what else could happen. Its really like a wake up call on how uncertain everything is... I ended up planning so much around her without realizing it, now I do, and my plans have changed so there the best for me. So yeah guys, who knows what could happen down the road. If its meant to be, its meant to be. In the mean time, I'm going to keep busy, flirt with them hoes, whatever makes me feel good.

[MLB33]

Haha thanks, here's another question. You prob hate me but... just ignore me I guess I don't know. I'm still in the optimistic phase forgive me. Im sure she expected me to call and I haven't at all. Now, Im worried about that she'll think that even if she has made a mistake she won't call because I haven't seemingly made an effort to get her back. I swear on my life I understand the NC thing, that's why Im doing it. But is it possible to overdo it?

[friend4u178]

haha thanks, heres another question. Yall prob hate me but.....just ignore me I guess I dont know. I'm still in the optimistic phase forgive me. Im sure she expected me to call and I havent at all. Now, Im worried about that she'll think that even if she has made a mistake she wont call b/c I havent seemingly made an effort to get her back. I swear on my life I understand the NC thing, thats why Im doing it. But is it possible to overdo it?

If she really wants to come back she will , she chose to leave so she has to make the move to come back. Doesn't happen too often though MLB

[ISneezeFunny]

Maybe. I think a lot of people break nc thinking that they're overdoing it.

This is my opinion on it. In the relationship, I'm always the chaser. I call more. I make more plans. I do this. I do that.. . somehow, I got dumped. If you call... two things can happen:

1. she'll say yes. You guys will go back to how things were. You'll be the giver. Her the taker.

2. she'll say no. you're back to square 1. sucks to be you.

I decided... why must I always be the mouse? Let her chase me... if she wants me enough, she can at least try to open some sort of communication. Will I ignore the first couple of times? Absolutely.

It's a game. It's a power game.

[friend4u178]

Comments on this post
ISneezeFunny agrees: very true. a lot of people get mad because NC didn't work like they wanted it to. don't expect it to get the ex back. that only happens like, 10% of the time.

Thanks Sneeze , however 10%... I don't think the figures would be that encouraging to be honest.

[MLB33]

So you're telling me there's a chance!! Don't get all worked up I'm just kidding haha.

[MLB33]

But really, I do understand what you are saying. I do understand the whole thing I just didn't know if I could "overdo" it. Like if she calls, I don't answer, got that part. Then, maybe she gets discouraged and doesn't call again... Now I know what you're going to say, "if she really wants you she will call again." I agree. Totally. I just didn't know if it was possible for her to call a couple times or send a message or something and me not reply... even if its "i miss you" and then her think I don't want her and just move on. Which may be best for us if she's not willing to try any harder then that. God I hate this

[George_1950]

MLB33 writes: "God I hate this". Well, think about it: no one is in this situation because they just want to be.

[friend4u178]

But really, I do understand what you are saying. I do understand the whole thing I just didnt know if I could "overdo" it. Like if she calls, I dont answer, got that part. Then, maybe she gets discouraged and doesnt call again.....Now I know what youre gonna say, "if she really wants you she will call again." I agree. Totally. I just didnt know if it was possible for her to call a couple times or send a msg or something and me not reply....even if its "i miss you" and then her think I dont want her and just move on. Which may be best for us if shes not willing to try any harder then that. God I hate this

Look MLB I know exactly what your going through , it sucks and its not easy. Your just over analysing everything at the moment and you have lots of questions. That's fine , that's why this site is so good cause you can just come here and vent and all of us "know it alls" can keep telling you to stop... LOL. Don't forget you are still in the very early stages.

Ok anyway why don't we go with this , If she tries to contact you the first time you just ignore it. Then you come back here and tell us what she said and we can take it from there. Result: She will then know your not hanging on like a little puppy and might just start to miss you a bit.

If she doesn't and I'm sorry but this is the more likely scenario then you will have moved on and not spent all your time worrying about her and what to say if she does try to contact. What do you think?

[freakinconfused]

If You guys only knew how piss'd I was at the responses I got when I first came to this site you'd be surprized. I wanted to hear things like call him and tell him how you feel, and things like sure he still loves you he'll be back soon. Thats what I WANTED to hear.

What I got was the TRUTH plain and simple. I can admit now what I really wanted was for them to sugar coat everything to make me feel better. Well they were RIGHT and he didn't come back. And they were RIGHT when they said if you love someone as much as we think our ex's do they wouldn't have walked away.

All of this BS about I have to many problems and I need to be alone to work them out. When you're in LOVE and I mean TRUELY in LOVE like I was with my ex, the first thing you do when you have problems in life is reach out to the one you love. The one that makes lifes bull $hit a little bit easier.

Oh and I love this one. I need to find myself so I need to be single. How can being in love keep you from finding yourself?

Well I was never more able to be myself and truely knew exactly the person that I am better then when I was in love. What i'm saying here is, when you are in love and I mean truely in love all the UP's and DOWN'S of life are just that much sweeter when you have the one you love to share it with. So tell me, if you add up all the excuses dumpers use to be out of the relationship DOES THAT SOUND LIKE LOVE TO YOU?

I would just like to say that this is absolutely brilliant. This is exactly how I have felt after my girl of 4 years dumped me a little over 4 months ago, and my breakup was a freakin' emotional roller coaster. I mean, she dumped me and fed me all of the "I need to be single so I can find myself" crap. I wanted her back and she pulled away, then I acted like I didn't want her and was done with it, so so she started chasing after me and said she wanted to work on "us." I tried for a bit, got paranoid that she was lying and looked through her phone texts. I found out that she was hooking up with some other guy. I confronted her and she freaked because she knew she was busted. Things where tense for a bit, but when I finally got to a point where I told her that I don't care what happened between us and was willing to start over, and that I love her and want to be with her, she had already started hooking up with someone else and basically just shut me out of her life.

But, even throughout the whole thing, I never stopped thinking that I loved her, and being with her made me a better person. It really did, in many ways. However, it couldn't have been the same for her. She couldn't have loved me as much as I did her, because if she really loved me and knew she was a better person while she was with me, she simply wouldn't have left. She just wouldn't have. Neither would have any one else's ex on this site. Plus, all the reasons she fed me did not sound like love, but rather like half truths, as if she was hiding something from me. And she was - she was hiding that she was not in love with me anymore, and hiding that she wanted to #uck someone else.

Best thing you can do for yourself when you wind up as the dumpee is basically just not talk to them anymore as soon as possible. I know, I know. It sounds like backward @$$ advice, because when you are in the middle of all this @#!t your heart is telling you that you still love your ex, and so therefore some part of them must still love you, and so you should keep talking to them so that you don't come across as not caring about them anymore. And you know what? You are probably right. Your ex will probably have some part of him or her that will always love you (depending on if you had a great relationship with your ex). But you HAVE to remember that just because they might always LOVE you DOES NOT mean they are IN LOVE with you or want to be with you at this moment. It doesn't matter if it was your actions that brought them to dump you, or theirs, or even if the relationship was mutually destructive. Point is, you would have stuck around and tried to work through the problems, but instead THEY dumped YOU. And then the next thought would be - "well why should I want to waste any more time on someone who isn't willing to stick around and work through problems in the relationship?" Exactly - you shouldn't. You're only getting older by the day. So, you should move on and not talk to them anymore if you can. If they, by some random chance, come to the conclusion that they made a huge mistake and want you bad enough - they'll find a way. If they had the strength to dump you, then they will have the strength to claw their way back into your life.

Also, how awesome would it be if you had all of this knowledge and willpower the moment your ex said "I want a break" or whatever they said to you. First of all, you would be over them by now, instead of days/weeks/months later still looking for nonexistent answers on this website about how to fix the problem. Second of all (and way less important of all - don't use this as an excuse to keep hoping), the chances would be greater that they would come running back to you if you just disappeared out of their life right after they uttered those words. That's when it would hit the hardest I think, because the longer you wait the greater chance they'll go bang someone else.

[Maggie83]

Saw the ex on the train and chatted, got to work and there was a text ''nice to see you today, sorry things didn't work out between us I hope we can eventually be friends''

I replied Sorry but no, that's not going to happen, please don't contact me again unless you change your mind about us

I'm not easing her guilt about us by being her puppy, this is the third time I've had to tell her I can't do the friendship thing... will she ever learn, I don't go asking her back every few weeks!

[ihatewestseneca]

I don't think I would have texted anything back... "please dont contact me again unless you change your mind about us" insists that you're still interested, and lets her know she could come back any time she wanted too.

[Maggie83]

I suppose so, but its better than her pushing the friend thing every few weeks... it also implies that I'm trying to move on, if I couldn't move on id be her friend.

I had to end the confusion. Now she knows, I don't think she wants me back ever so it doesn't really matter, as long as she got the message not to contact me