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dollarman · Jun 4, 2008, 03:10 PM

I've never seen the post. Can anybody give a brief synopsis? Still having a bit of an 'off' day I guess... kinda sucks

losingit77 · Jun 4, 2008, 03:36 PM

I wouldn't be surprised if emo was back on this site under another name cause the same thing happened again.

I was on last summer after the 1st breakup with my ex under a different name. Then this March after the 2nd (and absolutely definitively FINAL) breakup, I came back on under a different name. No matter how different you think you may become, the relationship always has a way of going back to the same old ways if BOTH of the people involved don't change.

I learned my life lesson. Once an ex, always ex. It's a LOT easier that way. And anyway, I'm having way too much fun now being single. And I'm actually dating someone new now who I can actually be myself around and who wants the same things out of a relationship as I do. No more playing games of trying to be the person my ex won't leave. I'm over that.

hjpan · Jun 4, 2008, 04:31 PM

Still hanging on~

Today, my mind made random scenarios of how my ex tried to get me back.. lol
Then my mind projected that her next boyfriend got her pregnant & ran off...

dollarman · Jun 4, 2008, 05:01 PM

I have a question... and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol... the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

ISneezeFunny · Jun 4, 2008, 05:17 PM

I had an encounter with the fam as well, as my ex's family adored me... and wanted to know what was going on since my ex did not tell her family that she had dumped me and had a new boyfriend within 2 weeks.

Needless to say, when it's over, it's over. Family and all. If they contact you, then great. You can be courteous. But no need to contact the family... as blood is thicker than water, the family will almost always stick with the ex.

hjpan · Jun 4, 2008, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I had an encounter with the fam as well, as my ex's family adored me...and wanted to know what was going on since my ex did not tell her family that she had dumped me and had a new boyfriend within 2 weeks.

Needless to say, when it's over, it's over. family and all. If they contact you, then great. You can be courteous. But no need to contact the family...as blood is thicker than water, the family will almost always stick with the ex.

My ex's mom likes me, so I call her probably once a month or so.

bigbird213 · Jun 4, 2008, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by losingit77

I wouldn't be surprised if emo was back on this site under another name cause the same exact thing happened again.

I was on last summer after the 1st breakup with my ex under a different name. Then this March after the 2nd (and absolutely definitively FINAL) breakup, I came back on under a different name. No matter how different you think you may become, the relationship always has a way of going back to the same old ways if BOTH of the people involved don't change.

Ditto

:(

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by dollarman

I have a question...and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol...the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

I know how you feel, dollar. I am feeling so miserable today. I want to text him soooo badly right now.

Have you spoken to her family since the breakup?

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Still hanging on~

Today, my mind made random scenarios of how my ex tried to get me back.. lol
..

Oh Man HJ! I was actually thinking of the same thing myself earlier today. A scenario of my ex coming back/taking me back... I think all of us are having a tough go of it today... :(

dollarman · Jun 4, 2008, 06:12 PM

Yeah I've spoken to her family since. I really need to just get over this whole thing.

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:18 PM

Hey Guys... I have to say how amazing and what truly kind people you all are. In reading all of your posts, and your feelings towards your ex girlfriends, and your emotions are so incredible. Please do not misunderstand... I am so, so truly sorry for the pain each of you are feeling and what you have all gone through, but the fact that you express your love, dedication and emotions is truly beautiful. You are all real men in my book.

I see how all of you are, and then I see my ex, and I get sad in a way... I wish he expressed or maybe felt the way for me that you guys do and feel for your girlfriends.

You should all be very proud of yourselves... I know I am proud to have met you all, and for the friendship that you guys give me.

dollarman · Jun 4, 2008, 06:23 PM

And the same goes for you beautiful women. I mean, you all are royalty, not just any old girlfriend. But a partner. And I appreciate every single word uttered as well. I really do take what is said to heart, and it does help. So thank you as well.

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by dollarman

Yeah I've spoken to her family since. I really need to just get over this whole thing.

I know, hon, but it is hard. It is going to take time. There is a post that I saw the other day here, I would have to search for it again, but I may try it. What it is, is people write a letter to their ex's, they don't send it to them, but they write what they would really want to say. Thinking about that makes me think that it would be a good idea, because you are expressing your feeling 'indirectly' to your ex, and you may feel better. I think I am going to try it. I guess it couldn't hurt?

bigbird213 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:24 PM

Dollarman,

A note on the family. I would recommend staying away from them. The one experience I have was not a good one, though it wasn't direct interaction between them and me.

Like many of you, her family adored me. At times I wondered if they liked me more than they liked her lol (but really... :)) After she broke up with me the first time (last year) a little more than a week later she was talking to me and telling me that she wanted to work it out. Those were the best words that I ever heard. I wanted to forget the whole week before and just move on with our lives.

Turns out, her mom was "not talking to her" because she was so angry that she had dumped me. Her mom always compared me to her (ex's mom's) new husband - the perfect guy, etc, etc, etc. Well after a week of being back together, the same feelings came back up again. Needless to say, that was rough. When it happened again this year, I told her that she has to stick to her decision and not let others influence her opinions, and she agreed. She felt terrible for throwing me around like that.

In short, its just a warning as to the power of their family and the precautions that need to be taken when their family gets involved. Her mom probably thought she was helping, or something, but in the end, it just made things worse for that week...

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:26 PM

:) Thank you dollarman

I agree, Losingit, that would be so great, and I would truly be the happiest woman on the planet :D

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 4, 2008, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by dollarman

I have a question...and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol...the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

Dollarman,

Yea I would have to recommend against contacting her family. I love my ex's family, and I know they think highly of me, even took my side on this break up. I thought what the hell, its her family, just because we are not together doesn't mean I can't still be friends with her family. WRONG. Her mom sends me text messages still every now and then, and little e-mails telling me how much they miss me. I have stopped responding though, I realized it was just making me feel worse, because they are a direct connection to your ex, and a constant reminder of them. Talking to them is going to do nothing more than make this process take longer. I know it sucks but put yourself first. They will understand.

classicrocker · Jun 4, 2008, 06:39 PM

This is way off topic, but something just hit me... well its been on my mind before but why is it that women always say they want a nice guy yet somehow they go for the bad guys?? And usually the nice guys finish last? Any one have any light to shed on this?ladies?

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 4, 2008, 06:49 PM

Not a lady... but what I have gathered from talking to other women is this. Women want a "bad guy" in the beginning, they like the chase and for some reason being treated like crap. As they get older they start to settle down and want that nice guy who they can always count on to love them and be there for them... While it kind of seems like we finish last, I think the prize for last is better than the prize for first. Those "bad guys" usually don't end up in an everlasting relationship.

That's my two cents anyway.

bigbird213 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:58 PM

I think you need to draw the line between bad guy and independent men.

The way I see it is this:

Women don't necessarily want the bad guy, but they don't want the good guy either. They want the mysterious, strong, independent guy who gives off an air of confidence. They want to wonder about the guy, have to chase him a little bit.

Notice none of that implies that the guy must be an @$$hole, or anything of the like, but bending over backwards isn't a great way to keep them interested.

starlite1 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:59 PM

Hi Classicrocker and NorthernNiceGuy,

That is an excellent question, and being a woman, I really don't know why. Although that isn't true for all women. Speaking for myself, I, even when I was younger, I always wanted a nice guy. I think because the 'bad boy' image can be very sexy (I'll admit it"); because a woman feels like this 'bad boy' will protect her (That is my take) but I think when a man is nice, compassionate, and expresses his feelings to his partner, that is truly sexy!