[Wildcat21]

Monincali - you are right. I am not sure he has the balls to do it though. I would do it. It WOULD be great though if he would - IT SHOWS HE HAS A FREAKING SPINE TO HER, which I feel he did not show her in the past as much as he should have.

Onelife... it WOULD go along way with her, believe me. Not immediately... but in the long run, something would click in her. No more gettng walked on.

Dude, you don't always have to be nice to women. As matter of fact, that's one of theirt tests. Stand up for yourself, tell her what's bothering you and walk away. Women don't ASLWAYS want you to be nice to them, especially when they behave badly - sometimes, and the women here MUST agree with me on this, they behave badly (emotions, feelings) and you have to put them in their place.

Hear her response and say this in response "Ok, Bye" and smile and walk away. Seriously.

[Chery]

One_Life, Why am I the only one that slightly disagrees with my buddies Wildcat and Chery??? Oh no, I hate being the odd woman out, but here is my never to be humble opinion. I think, no I know she knows exactly what she's doing and it's beyond wrong, it's disrespectful, especially when she's already dating someone else and you know what else, I know she knows you know about it (did you follow that?). I think that whenever possible you should behave like a gentleman around a woman because you come off smelling like a rose, however, there are those few instances where the circumstances just don't give room for that. I think you should tell her that her behavior is less than appealing and that it is darn right rude to butt into ANY of your conversations, whether with a man or a woman. I don't think this is a time to walk on eggshells with her. You need to inform her in a gentle but firm tone that whenever she see's you speaking with anyone, especially a woman, she needs to back off. If you tell her this in a really nice way, she won't get it. She'll figure, "oh, he doesn't really mean it, he won't be too upset, at least not for long, after all, I'm the one he really wants." Now, I'm not telling you to rip her a new one, but I am saying be VERY serious and firm. Approach her in a calm almost friendly manner and tell her something along the lines of .."Hey listen, I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately. We're cool and all, but I need you to stop with the hugging and interference when I'm speaking to someone..." Yes, that straight out. If you're not direct, she won't take you seriously. She needs to know that you're not up for that, you would never do that to her.

Dear momincali, there is no need to feel bad about your opinion as we (the three of us) are on the same wavelength and only want to help and give him alternatives on how to handle the situation he's in, so keep up the good advice as seeing things from different perspectives will help him make the choices only he can make as he's near her and knows her a better than we do and his bells will ring and remind him of this fact. I am quite sure that he know that we are not in any aspect in 'competition'.

[one_life]

Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? Or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange.

[Chery]

Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange.

Grrrrr. She's still under your skin and DOES not belong there anymore, and if you let her stay there, she'll win - don't let her get away with this and don't worry about her hiding the other guy - she'll always have some mystery in her life, that's her nature, but let her play her games with someone else from now on. Go out and do something else, and THINK about something else, please. Stop wondering what, where, and whys of anything she does, just if she irritates you in front of other's tell her off and that's that! You have not found a girl yet to get her off your mind, so go out and do so for your own sake.

Wear heavy armor against her from now on!

[momincali]

One_Life, I say, sit back and enjoy the show! It's normal to still be preoccupied with your ex's antics, especially since she's in your face constantly, as long as you let it go when you walk out that door. I look at it this way, if she wants to make a fool out of herself by attempting to hide her relationship with this guy, that's her problem. It will at minimum give you something to chuckle about with your pals. It's pretty flattering wouldn't you say?? FUNNY!! :p

[Wildcat21]

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's Always gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.

[one_life]

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's ALWASY gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.

It is true office relationships don't work, but we were together way before she even started to work there.

So what you really saying is, it is not a good idea to work at the same place as your ex. Well I had no hand in it, she is the one that moved to my dept. She had a second job at the time, but she choose to quit that job and move to my dept.
It is hard to find a decent job in my field, but I'm still looking for a new job. The no contact was working for me (I was healing), until she had to come and spoil it.

Just today, some I don't know (just started working there) was asking me to help him hook up with my ex. I'm usually blunt, so I told him to stick it where the sun does not shine. Do I look like a dating matching service.

Ethier one of goes from the work place and I rather have her leave.

[Wildcat21]

Glad you told that guy that.

Sucks she works there.

[Chery]

Please concentrate on your job! Let her play her games and slack off and make mistakes, not you! Remember, you need your job, and others don't count. If you are not careful, you'll wind up not sleeping well, eating properly, and losing your concentration because she's still under your skin - don't let her do this to you or she will win. Change your routine, go somewhere else during your lunch time and meet new people, or go to a park nearby and just talk to strangers, anything but don't stay at work-place in free time. After work, go to a gym and work out those angers so you can sleep well - this is important to your mental and physical well-being. Like I stated before, wear heavy armor or you'll wind up the one going crazy! The other guy does not know what she did to you, so it's not his fault either, now you might have lost a new friend, if you would have told him about how she is, he might have sided with you and you would have had support at the job, but that's under the bridge now. Just don't let your anger and frustrations take the upper hand from now on. I know how it feels to be 'mobbed' and it hurts like heck, and in a way this is what is happening to you, and you must not let it. I remember way back when you first posted, that I thought she might be feeling you out positively, but it could also have been a kind of competition, and to wait what her moves would be, well you now have proof that she means you harm, and must guard yourself against this and face the fact that there will always be people like that around you for the remainder of your life, so learn how to read the warning signs - but you have to place anger far away from you or you will not feel the future warning signals. Don't distance yourself from other co-workers, but keep a stable cordial relationship with them. They all know what's going on, too bad not one of them has talked to you about it, but maybe your wall is so high that they fear you might snap off at them also. Think about it, please and get your stability back.
No smileys, not wishing luck, just want you to keep your cool and keep us posted. I CARE!

[Katiy]

You are fun to be around. She enjoys you.