[vanheart]

Here's something from your OP:

"I've tried to let go of her many times, then she'll come back after I tried moving on to get me back, and I go back but she treats me bad again"

[darkdays]

I don't know, I guess my motives are to spend some time with her, I still do love her. Just wish I knew what hers was.
But I have been doing some thinking about it. I think it would be a good oppurtunity to have a serious talk with her, face to face. Probably after the movie.

[vanheart]

Yo, dark.

We all want you to be happy & get those thing in life that you want.

But, all Im seeing is the same ill-patterns repeated. The definition of madness. Look it up.

You break-up, she talks sweet, and you come running back, only for her to treat you like crap again.

Silly actually.

Ive been there. In love with someone that treated me like crap.
Helps redefine what love really is.

Someone's got to change. Im hoping its you by stopping the madness.

[darkdays]

Well, I was thinking of just telling her that if she wants things to work, then it's all or nothing. Both feet in or out, not one in and the other out.
And then after that, if she decides to give me a bunch of excuses or say she needs time, or any of that nonsense, then I'll just let her go completely.
Believe it or not, I have been using this time apart to re-evaluate the situation for what it really is, and have opened my eyes to a lot of things. I am really tired of the games. So I'll give it the one last ditch effort just to see what she decides now once and for all.
What do you think?
Maybe to at least give it closure, for my own sake.

[talaniman]

Your not ready Dark for any serious talk. It leads back to the same pattern as before. Until you are, just enjoy seeing your son, and leave it at that.

That's all you need to be lured back to the same pattern of behavior that brought you here in the first place.

Understand that you are connected by a child, but you to are poison. Mainly because it only takes a few good days for you to get carried away again, and think its finally going to be different THIS time. It won't, just because you don't know how to take the good, enjoy it, and realize the bad is coming, and back away. That's why you forget the serious talk. Because you will never have what you fully want from her, and seriously need to recognize it.

She has her itch she needs to scratch, and can be very nice, but when the itch is scratched again, she no longer needs you.

Stop the pattern, stop the false hope, and stop pushing. Let her scratch her own itch.

Better listen to VAN, stop the madness.

[vanheart]

"I am really tired of the games"

So, don't play them anymore. Words vs. actions.

"I'll give it the one last ditch effort"

Boy doesn't that sound optimistic.

I would think that you've already had a sense of closure already.
You're just fixated on her still. Nothing has really changed.

Here it is again:

"I know she doesn't love me anymore. She blames me for everything that went wrong between us. I've tried to let go of her many times, then she'll come back after I tried moving on to get me back, and I go back but she treats me bad again. Im so weak when it comes to her."

When love works, we don't have to even worry about it. Regardless of who its with. (Friends, family, romantic, etc... )

Its comprised of mutual trust, honesty, growth, compassion, etc.
It feels good.

Doesn't sound like this feels good.

Your just hell bent on having this be your family.

[darkdays]

So Tal, you don't think going to a movie with her is a good idea?
And Van, what is so wrong on wanting to have the family? Isn't my son worth it?

[vanheart]

Not with her. Movie or family.

You're not listening. The whole time.

You just want everyone here to validate your bad decisions. To just go & do what you want anyway.

Tal made a great point:

"Because you will never have what you fully want from her, and seriously need to recognize it."

You refuse to recognize. That's it right there.

[talaniman]

So Tal, you don't think going to a movie with her is a good idea?

Lousy idea, as you will only ruin it with getting serious, pressing for what you can't have, and end up miserable and confused again.

You have not gotten to that point you deal with the reality of your situation, and leave the fantasy alone.

is so wrong on wanting to have the family? Isn't my son worth it?

That been our point the whole time. You will never be a family as long as she is in it, just because you two work really lousy together. You will never have a stable relationship with her, nor with any one else for that matter if the only family you see is with her.

By family, I assume a happy one is what you want, and no way does that happen.

[darkdays]

But why does Tal say that Im not ready for a serious talk with her? I know what I want and what it takes to make a relationship and family work.

[vanheart]

What you want isn't & hasn't worked. Even at this second.

Total fantasy.

Oy, still not listening.

[darkdays]

Lousy idea, as you will only ruin it with getting serious, pressing for what you can't have, and end up miserable and confused again.

So, it would be me that would be the problem?

[vanheart]

Have you ever thought about your skills as a partner?

Put you're anxious needs aside.

Time to dig deep into who darkdays really is.

Past mistakes.

Re-evaluate yourself. And how you don't really care to listen.

[darkdays]

Have you ever thought about your skills as a partner?

Put youre anxious needs aside.

Time to dig deep into who darkdays really is.

Past mistakes.

Re-evaluate yourself. And how you dont really care to listen.

Ok, whatever that means.

[vanheart]

My point exactly.

[darkdays]

My point exactly.

What point? Make it already. What, that I don't listen? Listen to who, you, or the ex? You make a statement, but don''t refer to what your even talking about.
I really appreciate your input Van, but some of the things you say might be clear in your mind as your writing them, but Im no mind reader. Im just trying to figure this out, that's why Im asking questions, to get answers, and I listen to all them.

[talaniman]

But why does Tal say that Im not ready for a serious talk with her? I know what I want and what it takes to make a relationship and family work.

Did I miss something the last 20 pages? You haven't proven that. The facts are not on your side.

[darkdays]

Did I miss something the last 20 pages? You haven't proven that. The facts are not on your side.

Ok, so your saying Im the problem in the relationship, not her. Is that it?

[talaniman]

Ok, whatever that means.

That means you only see this from one side, YOURS! So you keep going about this whole thing from the same perspective, and need more time to see a bigger, more clear picture. A relationship requires an understanding of both sides, not just one. That's why this will never work, because you only approach the side that you can see, to get what you want. Until you learn how to back up, you will always be too close to see what you need to. Yes its you that has to change your entire approach, because what ever you're doing isn't working.

When it doesn't work, you DON'T keep doing it.

[talaniman]

Ok, so your saying Im the problem in the relationship, not her. Is that it?

Basically yes. For the reasons given above. Faulty data, ignoring the facts.