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Jiser · Jun 1, 2007, 10:05 AM

Your loss...

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 1, 2007, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You assume way to much, my friend. Thats why your headed for a big fall. The last thing on her mind is the rest of her life, as now she just wants to have fun, with as many people as possible. Get with the program. She is not confused at all, she knows what she wants. You on the other hand, have no clue.

Damn good answer again...

Re-read this..

Spot on again..

Just listen, does this not make sense to you? You are the one who is confused, yes she is doing what you say, but she is far more clued up than you might think, she planned this and knows what she is doing I am sure. I went through all this you are going through, I know it hurts but you have to face the fact that she is gone, pack YOUR bags and move on. I was told that 6 months or so ago and eventually I did once I stopped analyzing everything. You are entitled to be confused and upset but always listen and the pain will heal for you I guarantee you.

It all takes time.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2007, 04:38 PM

just curious are any of you actually relationship experts or do you just work off your own experiences? Thanks

I have no degrees on the subject, actually I was an engineer during my working days, but my volunteer work put me in a position of a life advisor, and counselor for at risk teens, and convicted felons, looking to stay out of jail. I also counsel youths and adults trying to get clean and stay clean. I'm also a father of two, and raised 3 neices, and have a load of grandkids we juggle, so I guess you can say my degree is from the college of hard knocks. Still Dr Phil has nothing on me, not even hair. What do you expect for free!!

manga · Jun 1, 2007, 05:08 PM

Wow, righthearted... only justifying (if they're really experts) advice you get only gets you more confused. Just because you love someone who is basically playing with you. People on here especially tal have spot on opinions that everyone can see. You're just clingy and blind by your heart that others advice doesn't matter no matter how much we tell you.

What it comes down to is how muchrespect do you have for yourself? What looks like you don't respect yourself let alone how are you going to respect being with someone if you want to marry them? I don't think being in a healthy relationship requires a lot of analyzing on behalf of someone's actions who supposedly loves you, let alone coming here for advice. YOuwouldn't be here asking for advice if you were happy enough to know what you want. What appears to me is a fantasy you think you want. It's like she's treating you like a dog. Here's a treat one of her confusing moves she pulls and you jump at it only because you like what she's *teasing you with* but enough to hope for a big bone.

If I'm wrong, I'm OK with that. Just anyone tell me so I know maybe I can have a better perspective from someone else?

mckenzie134 · Jun 1, 2007, 09:29 PM

Why do youeven bother to ask qestions, You are getting absolutely no where with this girl I will say this in about a month she will have another guy and you will be seeing no more movies with her no more holding hands with her no more kisses with her NO MORE NOHING YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE BOOT.

IF YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! YOUR Doing ABSOLUTELY THE WRONG THING.

You got her flowers!! She broke up with you the only reason you did this was so you could call it a date!! Ask her if it was A date?? No it was just her taking her dog for a walk to make shore his still on the LEASH!!

She is allowed to see other people! Why do you think this is, THIS IS BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO FIND A BOYFRIEND GEEZ WHAT DO YOU THINK ITS FOR!!
If she really wants to be witgh you is she going to see other people!!

You say well I think this is best to let her do this and she needs it so she can be ready for marriage!! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS GOING TO GO OUT AND MEET OTHER GUYS HAVE FUN THEN SAY RIGHT IVE SCREWD 3 BLOKES IM READY FOR YOU NOW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No Way she is going to just find spome other guy and she will be with him!!

You say well I can't exactly go NC cause she is my wedding date, Why in the world are you taking her to the Wedding!! You know why she wants to go cause she doesn't want you taking anyone else cause she would be jealous!! If she meets another guy before the wedding she won't be going with you! You'll be GONE!!

You must tell her we are not together so why would I take you. If you really want to keep up with this crap you are doing which is not working well at least tell her listen if we are not boyfriend and irlfriend I can't take you to the wedding. She will probably just lie to you anyway and say OK so she can go!!

Have some respect and if you really want her to be with you, leave her alone forget taking her yo the weding forget holding hands forget kissing. Your not even her boyfriend and you are never going to be cause this girl wants a challenge not you all over her!! At least try for one week tell her yourve had enough its either she is your girlfriend or not don't be afraid to lose her oif she says fine let her go if she contacts you then maybe she wants to come back. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF BEING WITH HER WITH WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DONING NO CHACE YES NC NO CHANCE

Righthearted · Jun 13, 2007, 06:55 AM

So I'm sure some of you have read my previous posts - and yes it's been agony/torture doing what I've been doing to myself. Thank you all for your insight and advice.

Anyway, my main question is how can an ex GF not want to be with someone (me) that they know is always there for them and would give them the world (and no I'm not clingy - she was always the clingy one). All my friends tell me that she is crazy for breaking up with me as I've always been good to her- so why would she be willing to just throw all that away.

Just the other day I sent her flowers at her work and she didn't even call me to let me know she got them... I'm going NC I guess from here on out.

And do any of those "How to Get Your Ex Back" books work?

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 13, 2007, 07:08 AM

To answer your question 'how can an ex GF not want to be with someone (me) that they know is always there for them and would give them the world?'

Possibly because there is no challenge anymore, possibly because of the very fact that she knows that you will always be there and that she has you no matter what. Don't get me wrong, this quality you describe is what real love is all about, being there for the other person, standing by them through anything. The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.

This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you but it is all a question of balance. I think a lot of the answers to your question are actually in what you write but you will retrospectively see things differently to how they really are because you believe that you are far too good to her for her to decide to throw such a decent man to the wolves (so to speak). You probably are a decent man who will stand by her through anything... That's great.

If you hold these characteristics then you are true to her and yourself. It may be though that you could find someone who will love and appreciate that about you and you mayu not have found that little miss right yet.

Even so, balance is still very important.

huno · Jun 13, 2007, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Possibly because there is no challenge anymore, possibly because of the very fact that she knows that you will always be there and that she has you no matter what.

This can be very true for a lot of people. It's easy to take a given for granted and in doing so you lose sight of what's valuable and what's not. With relationships, I think that people become bored with regularity, with the mundane, and with stability, especially if they're young. Girls who have guys that they're unsure of like the intrigue, and the excitement that comes with it; it's a thrill ride, and it's easy to get a high from the thrill of knowing the guy that was on the cusp of abandoning them suddenly pays them attention again.

In short, this girl wants a guy that will challenge her, as Geoffersonairplane said.

Honestly, being 26, I don't like to deal with that crap anymore (actually I never did, but I'm much less tolerant of it now). I look for stable girls that are past that stage, or were never in it to begin with. You seem like the kind of guy who would be very devoted and she can't appreciate that. Logically, she's not the kind of girl you should be with. Maybe a few years down the line, when she's been hurt by morons a few dozen times, she'll see how valuable you are as a man and a human being. But right now, she's just not ready yet. She may never be. You'll just have to accept that.

Righthearted · Jun 13, 2007, 07:42 AM

Why do you think she didn't even call me to thank me for the flowers? And I called her cell phone a couple times the other day and she didn't even get back to me. I know she's been dating a few different guys- I just don't think they can do for her what I did/do.

SAB123 · Jun 13, 2007, 07:48 AM

Although I did do a lot the first 3.5 years the last couple I did say no to her more and didn't give 100% of me to her all the time and I stood up for myself when she b*****D at me. So I guess in the beginning I was a nice guy. Toward the end I was a good guy with back bone. So what was my ex's problem?

Righthearted · Jun 13, 2007, 07:52 AM

I can't even list all the little things that I did for my EX. And yes she did lots for me, but how can she just let all that go? Her not calling me back is really puzzling.

"Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for" - Brad Paisley

iAMfromHuntersBar · Jun 13, 2007, 07:53 AM

Take a long, hard look at you in the mirror - think about this - does she deserve you?

Simple answer - no!

Why do you continue to put yourself through this?

Move on, find someone else and in years to come think back to how badly this girl has treated you, and more importantly how badly you're treating yourself right now!

Women are strange, with a proportion of them (a lot of them posting on this site!) seeming to enjoy being treated badly and putting themselves through hell!

If you're a nice guy, you deserve a nice girl who WANTS to be with you!

Wise up and give yourself a slap fella!

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 13, 2007, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

I can't even list all the little things that I did for my EX. And yes she did lots for me, but how can she just let all that go? Her not calling me back is really puzzling.

She doesn't love you.

I know that hurts but that is the answer to your question.

Find someone who will.

Righthearted · Jun 13, 2007, 08:17 AM

I thought that by doing things for the person you love and showing them how you feel would make all the difference,t his is very perplexing to me. I know that there is a difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone" I just can't figure out why she would want to not have that in her life. Don't you want someone that is always there for you, through good and bad- and is always willing to do anything they can do for you. She has even said that I do everything for her and give her everything. Crazy!!

Righthearted · Jun 13, 2007, 08:20 AM

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

iAMfromHuntersBar · Jun 13, 2007, 08:21 AM

You can love and want someone with every atom of your being, and you can do nice things for them, and say nice things about and to them and... (... endless list)

NONE of it matters if they don't love you and want you back just as much!

iAMfromHuntersBar · Jun 13, 2007, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

No, you're just starting to sound plain obsessive now!

Leave her be, she doesn't want to be with you! Don't let this wreck your life!

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 13, 2007, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

No disrespect to you but you are just too much.

You have already said that your not the clingy type but everything you have wrote so far has painted a very different picture.

Take a step back, she got the flowers all right and why do you think she didn't call you?

Think about it.

Read again the responses above, not just from me but from others who have answered this question.

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 13, 2007, 08:27 AM

By the way...

I ditto what the others say about her not deserving you.

But you don't deserve her either, no, you deserve someone who will appreciate you and what you have to give in the sense of the qualties that you hold.

Geoffersonairplane · Jun 13, 2007, 08:32 AM

Sending flowers to an ex to try and win them back 90% of the time if not more just is not going to work. Likely, it will work against you by pushing her away further and putting you either in the friend zone or the clingy/won't let go type zone.

You don't want to be in either zone do you?

Be in the I am worth more, I am a mature adult who can let go zone.

Then move on.