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Sammie66 · Aug 17, 2008, 02:36 AM

Thanks. Stay strong.

I still miss her and am gutted at what happened but I'm finding out about other girls now and enjoying the differences in personality.

It's made me realise that maybe we weren't that well suited although I still feel we were so similar.

Sammie66 · Aug 17, 2008, 11:56 AM

I still can't get this feeling of "waiting for something to happen" to go.

I feel like I'm desperate to see my new girl all the time, but I think I'm realising that it's more about missing what I had with my ex. I'm not surprised she moved in with her new man so quickly - total rebound!

She's probably over the rebound period now though. I don't think I am, so I'll be careful.

Sammie66 · Aug 18, 2008, 11:59 AM

Don't think it's going to work with this girl. I'm too paranoid about all her male friends and I don't know how she feels about me. I'm getting really mixed signals.

I've completely lost trust in other people from what my ex did. Great.

Sammie66 · Aug 18, 2008, 01:45 PM

And its over. 5 days. Well done me. I got too paranoid and clingy for her.

She said she really liked me but I obviously have trust issues left over from my previous relationship.

So I'm doomed to this dating game I guess.

FULLofRACQUET · Aug 18, 2008, 03:52 PM

Hang in there bro! I'm really starting to believe in picking up hobbies. It takes your mind off trying to find someone, and allows them to find you.
You are at least taking steps to moving on! Congrats on that! Just remember that the next girl you date isn't your ex, so give them the same chance you gave your ex (even though that sounds crazy). I to have to learn this lesson.

Ithappenstoall · Aug 18, 2008, 10:32 PM

You are still not over her, which is why this thing with this girl did not really work out. Your ex is still in the back on your mind and I don't think you were being honest with yourself it giving this girl a chance. Give it some time and thiings will get better, trust me. You do not need to start dating again right now, there is no problem with being single... make sure you have closed the page with your ex before dating again.

Sammie66 · Aug 18, 2008, 11:45 PM

It's horrible. She was a lovely girl, but I couldn't believe she would want to be with me and I just got paranoid.

My ex has ruined my trust in people

busterite · Aug 19, 2008, 02:10 AM

Just be glad that you are making an effort to move on. You are still not over your ex and that is why you are acting like this. I am going through a similar situation here and I am still having a pretty rough time after 1.5 months. It is really hard taking her out of my mind and whenever I've been out with girls it didn't go to well because I was constantly comparing them to my ex. So I have decided for the time being to give myself the time to get over this by hanging out with friends and focusing on hobbies to keep my mind off things. I suggest you do the same. Im guessing that right now you feel like you will never get over these issues, because that is the way I feel but just take it a day at a time and see how it goes.

talaniman · Aug 19, 2008, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by Sammie66

It's horrible. She was a lovely girl, but I couldn't believe she would want to be with me and I just got paranoid.

My ex has ruined my trust in people

Not true. Your standing in your own way. Hey your not marrying this girl, JUST HAVING FUN WITH A STRANGER, just what you need , so quite pining, and stop letting the ex live rent free in your head! That's YOUR doing not hers.

Ithappenstoall · Aug 19, 2008, 09:17 AM

For some reason you are still making excuses and going back to that idea of that "perfect relatioship" and that perfect girl. Cleary it was not perfect or if perhaps it was it changed as you guys changed (people evolve and grow as the relatioship matures and that can separate them sometimes). I still believe that you are still trying to figure her out, and see what your actions should be. WRONG!! You need to start doing what you WANT and that s it. Hey if she sees that you have moved on maybe she will see you in a different way again or maybe not but at that point you can look and see if there will be a place for friendship maybe but until than you need to blockher from your head, every time you look or do something that reminds you of her , just STOP and block her out and get distracted with something else. I told you before I am in the situation and I feel I am handling it better because as I read through these various posts I tried to do exactly what tal and the others said, for some reasons you apply thoses things but than stop... Don't :)

Sammie66 · Aug 19, 2008, 09:37 AM

I don't really care about my ex anymore. I care about me but I just seem to be going through these really mental panicky moods just now.

The girl I went on a date with was LOVELY and we had a brilliant time on Thursday. Then instead of accepting I had a good first date and looking forward to another, I rushed it and saw her on Friday. Then when she didn't want to see me on Saturday I got paranoid. Then I began analysing things she'd said and done and looking for things to go wrong.

Then by Sunday night I was texting her asking if her flatmate was actually her boyfriend. And she just got sick of my questions and paranoia and decided she couldn't handle it.

I don't know what set me off. She said some things that made me think she wasn't telling me the truth - like her flatmate didn't like her having guys round. And she was a bit hot and cold with me as well. Then she didn't seem to want to do anything with me.

I basically chased her away before she even got to know me because I was acting like a maniac.

I maybe just need more time. It has helped in some respects though. I know that my ex isn't the only girl that I could be happy with. And I know I'm not unattractive.

It's just that I appear to have turned mental.

Ithappenstoall · Aug 19, 2008, 11:16 PM

Like I said before, you don't have to rush back and start dating. Clearly you still have to get your confidance and yourself back. This is in my opinion why you reacted the way you did because you felt a small kind of "rejection" and didn't know what to do of it. Do not be desperate, it s great you got yourself a date but don't try and speed things up, let it flow. It is great that you are looking at possibilities with this girl but at the same time you are trying to hard. I believe you are trying to speed things in order to close that emptiness that was caused by the break up, essentially replacing your ex with her for the sake of being with someone. Do not do it, let things flow my man.

Ithappenstoall · Aug 19, 2008, 11:18 PM

And no you are not mental, just living life and right now more of the worst side. Chill it really is not the end.

Sammie66 · Aug 19, 2008, 11:52 PM

Thanks, I'm trying to take the positives out of it - even if the new girl thinks I'm psycho and doesn't want to speak to me. I totally panicked and freaked her out.

It's just annoying because she was lovely

Sammie66 · Aug 22, 2008, 08:49 AM

I think you are right about the rejection stuff.

I wish I could go back a week and not let my emotions get in the way. Idiot!

FULLofRACQUET · Aug 22, 2008, 09:15 AM

Keep on learning from these little steps. At first, I felt like I would be able to find all the answers in one relationship, but that is not the case at all. I have been taking stock in all of my past small relationships, and also this last "big" relationship, and I am clearly gathering what I want in a partner, instead of what I thought I "needed" in a partner. This is making it easier to move on from this void that I am feeling, and giving me more confidence in the fact that I will someday find somebody that doesn't treat me with disrespect. I've realized that I don't miss "her", but I miss the companionship. I feel that if I can give that much love to somebody that treated me wrong, just think of how much love I can give to a caring, beautiful soul.

Just hang in there bud, and everything is going to be all right!

Here is a link that has helped me out A LOT!

Ways to Get Revenge on an Ex - Associated Content

FULLofRACQUET · Aug 22, 2008, 09:17 AM

And don't be fooled by the title of the link, it's not about seeking revenge, but a way to better yourself for you!

Sammie66 · Aug 22, 2008, 04:39 PM

I just don't want to end up scaring off every woman I meet because I won't be able to trust them. The girl I met was lovely and I just acted like an idiot.

I had a total panic attack when I thought she might not be as keen on me as I was on her. I wish I could just relax and let it happen without scaring off everyone.

I'm pretty sure my ex thinks I'm a psycho and this girl probably does too, because I freaked them out by getting myself in a bit of a state.

Sammie66 · Aug 23, 2008, 03:40 AM

One good thing is that I'm not thinking about my ex. Just about the new girl.

I ruin everything by overanalysing though. Ruined my first relationship this way, and ruined this one before it had barely got off the ground.

talaniman · Aug 23, 2008, 05:35 AM

That's something to work on, and correct before it happens again. You can't just do nothing, and expect change.

Why can't you forget the romance and just have fun as friends? Then you don't have to trust as there are no obligations either way, and if she has fun, maybe you get another date, and so on..

Personally I never cared if my dates loved me, as long as they showed up, and we had fun.