[ConfusedandLost]

Your doing good, but one thing I want to caution you on. DO NOT read into anything! You going to fill yourself full of false hope. Take this day by day and step by step. Another thing is do not try and get any info about her, her feelings or what she is thinking from anyone. This will most certainly upset her, she will have people asking her this and that which will drive her away. Stay cool and stick to giving her space when she is ready she will let you know.

[michelle20]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 4 years now. We met when we were 18 we're now 22 yrs old. We have seen each other a lot over the course of our relationship at least 4-5 days a week and did everything together. Everything was fine but lately she has been saying that she feels different and said she wanted to take a break to figure things out and to be happy. She was starting to feel unhappy b/c we didnt really go out a lot on the wkends, not because we didnt want to, but just tired sometimes and ended up staying home. I have a feeling that she may be a little bored with our relationship and i understand and want to change. We have had these conversations before but things would change and then go back to normal. She says she still loves me but is not "in love" as much as she was in the beginning. it has been almost a week since she said she wanted a break. I have been pretty shocked and devasted, telling her how much i love her and how much she means to me. She has been goin out wth her friends a lot, a lot more then when we were together. I have read that i shouldn't contact her but it is really hard b/c we have had troubles before and talked them out and remained together. I don't want to lose her and do not want to push her away during this time. I just want to be with her, and love her. She knows how i feel about her and i dont know what she is thinking in her head. She says that she isnt ready to see me yet but she will let me know. We talk on the phone every once in a while , but it is hard for me not to call her or text her. I don't have a lot of close friends to go out with, they are either up in school still or have gf's of their own. At work i dont work with any people my age to hang out. She was my everything and i dont want to lose her, should i keep fighting or just hold off for a while? thanks for any help and advice.

That's just like me and my fella I suggest you have a little break absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you see each other agen don't see each other too much because that's how you end up getting bored just see eachova of a weekend that will give both of you a break and if you have to maybe once in the week day. I beleave if you trully love each other it will go the distance. You don't have to go out there's loads of things you can do together in the house just pick something you both like doing and do it. When you have got money why don't you even try and wine and dine her if you haven't got enough money to go out why don't you supprise her may doing a caddle lite dinner in the house. If you think she's the one for you and it brings you even closer together again give it time then take her somewhere special and if you want to be with each other forever try and propse but surprise her.

I hope I've been some help let me no how it goes in the near future.

[bummedout4]

Thanks for the posts everyone, I am trying to take it slow and let her miss me. I hope this works for the best.

[ConfusedandLost]

It will either way... look at this way. If it works out the two of you are together happy and making new memories. If it does not you have learned from this, grown mentally and all of this pain that your going through will end. Either way you will be a happy person once again and whole... it only requires time, which we all have plenty of :)

[bummedout4]

It will either way.......look at this way. If it works out the two of you are together happy and making new memories. If it does not you have learned from this, grown mentally and all of this pain that your going through will end. Either way you will be a happy person once again and whole............it only requires time, which we all have plenty of :)

Thanks, I know nothing is a sure thing but I feel better that she texted me than if she didn't. I didn't expect her to so I was surprised. I know this could mean a lot of different things and I am still taking it slow with her, maybe start with just going out and doing something together, don't know when but soon hopefully and then go from there. I am optimistic things will work out but this situation sure has taught me a lot about being in a long lasting mature relationship. I just hope I can move forward as a better person and partner with her.

[ConfusedandLost]

Don't hope... know that you can. Remember only YOU can make it happen and right if you get that second chance. So get positive and don't blow it! OK :)

[bummedout4]

Don't hope......know that you can. Remember only YOU can make it happen and right if you get that second chance. So get positive and don't blow it! OK :)

Thanks, you have really put me in a good state of mind today. I am feeling better and know that when the opportunity comes, I will be ready. But at the same time, I will be trying to have a better life all around and be more balanced to avoid any of these problems in the future.

[bummedout4]

Well I was feeling pretty good today after this morning, knowing that she was at least thinking of me. I probably just did something to make myself feel worse and I am stupid for it. During lunch I just texted her about that concert in a few weeks that I thought she would like to go. I just casually asked her if she would be interested since someone at work has tickets and giving them away. I know this was just setting me up for dissapointment and it was stupid. She said no thanks, which is fine, I didn't really expect her to say YES but I was hoping. Now I know I shouldn't have said anything proabably, but I didn't push it , just a casual question to gauge interest. So knowing that, I shouldn't really feel bad right? I probably should have known that she wouldnt' want to go for whatever reason. I guess if she wants to hang out with me SHE will say something. Its just hard to keep telling myself that because I know if she goes out on the weekend with other people and probably some other guy she has been talking to, she won't be thinking of me. I still don't understand why she would rather be w/ someone else than w/me who she knows loves her to death and just wants to make her happy. This is really the issue that bothers me most, if I knew she was just taking time to herself I wouldn't be as messed up in the head. I guess I should be happy she hasn't shut me out and not contacted me at all. I am getting impatient about this whole thing and just want her back. I know I have been over this before but its all I want. I just wish she would see what I can offer her, I mean she knows but she needs to know how I have changed. I guess I have to just wait for my chance.

[Homegirl 50]

You are not getting the fact that just because you love her, it does not mean that she should love you. She is getting on with her life. She is growing and changing and you are not the one for her. Leave her alone and get on with your life.
Stop beating yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just not the one for her and honestly, I don't think she is the one for you.

[madaman]

The longer you hold out, the worse its going to get for you. I hate to say it, but if she wanted to be with you she would be with you. I know you are thinking most of us don't know the whole situation, but most of us have been through the same or similar situation at some point. A relationship can't exist if only one person feels the way you do, it takes two and she isn't doing her part, you should take it as a sign. Im going to guess that she is still contacting you because after 4 years, its really tough to go full no contact.

You need to be strong and start focusing on yourself. Its easier said than done, but it won't start getting better until you allow it to! We are here to help you get through this, but you have to start helping yourself!

[bummedout4]

Thanks everyone, after today's text fiasco with the concert I am not going to contact her again. She will probably call me later but who knows. I guess if she wants to talk to me she will call and if she wants to do something, she will ask. So I guess from here on out I am not really going to call her for a while. I still feel pretty good knowing she contacted me this morning but I guess I shouldn't read too much into it but its better than her not contacting me right? Anyway... I am slowly starting to move forward but still have that thought in the back of my mind that things will work out. This is how I feel for now, who knows later, my emotions seem to change on an hourly basis. There just seems to be a struggle inside myself between letting go and to keep fighting for what I believe and feel so strongly about. I know I can't change her feelings right away but hopefully over time she will realize I am who she wants and thought I was. Well I appreciate everyone's support, I don't think I would be able to hold it together at all w/out everyone's advice.

[madaman]

I think from this point on, you should stop thinking things like 'her' and 'she'. It should be all about you from now on. She is gone (even if its just for now) and you need to focus on you. Its not going to be easy, and its not going to be quick.

I don't know if it will help you or not, but every day when I wake up I write down the date on a piece of paper, and build a long line of days representing no contact. Im up to 28 days myself and really every time I think of talking to her, I look at how long I've gone and how much it would suck to start again.

[farfrmnormal]

I never thought of it that way - she is gone from your life right now and thinking of it that way is probably the best way to handle things. YES she may or may not be back again but if you consider living NOW without them in your life its one more step to living next week and next month without them in your life.

[bummedout4]

I think from this point on, you should stop thinking things like 'her' and 'she'. It should be all about you from now on. She is gone (even if its just for now) and you need to focus on you. Its not going to be easy, and its not going to be quick.

I dont know if it will help you or not, but every day when I wake up I write down the date on a piece of paper, and build a long line of days representing no contact. Im up to 28 days myself and really every time I think of talking to her, I look at how long ive gone and how much it would suck to start again.

Well the thing is that I know I will be talking to her here and there. I won't be calling her but I know she still wants to call me sometimes, and see what's going on with me. I mean after 4 yrs I would expect her to still care about me and have love for me. I think I just have to be strong and fight the urge to talk to her about what I feel and do something stupid. I keep thinking in my head that if I did something super-romantic and sweet that she loves, that it would make her look at me in a different light than what she does now. I know this probably isn't true but that would be a great story. For now I just have to control my urges and see what happens from here. I know it may not be healthy but I still do want her in my life, just hopefully one day the way I envisioned. I know I need to fight my urge to be depressed and go do stuff.

[bummedout4]

All right guys I have been fine all day pretty much but just started feeling that impatient, uncontrollable feeling to want to talk to her and see her. I mean I have seen her 3 days in the past 18 and that is the least amount in over 4 years. I just want this to be over already, I have so much love pent up inside to just give to her, its so hard to keep it in and think about other things. Its like that feeling when you are waiting for something to happen and the time won't tick away. I just keep feeling like that every once in a while. It is really hard to concentrate on work and everything because my mind wanders. There needs to be something I can do other than just not talk to her. I am still so curious what are the real reasons she was unhappy with our relationship, I just want her to tell me and talk about them like we always use to. I need help.

[farfrmnormal]

If you need help then you should seek professional advice. Because you aren't listening to anything anyone is saying here - you are making excuses for your behaviour - that's fine at first but go back and read everything you have written and then sit back and think about your situation. Really, you are making it harder on yourself. I thought contact with my ex would make things easier - instead it made things worse. We are not talking again - dude, you are going to come across as a psycho to her if you don't do something.

[bummedout4]

Well I am not contacting her, I am just saying I feel like I really want to. I know she doesn't think I am a psycho because she knows this is hard for me. She says its hard for her too but it sure does seem easier for her since I guess she has her reasons. Its just hard when you don't really see why this is all happening and feel that it shouldn't have happened at all. I am trying to cope with it , and for the most part I have tried to keep it all in but sometimes its just too much to think about and handle.

[farfrmnormal]

Keeping it all in is bad - so is acting on your emotions - I know this from experience. I rushed over to my ex's house during one of our talking periods and I was ready to end it right then and there - I was angry and was not thinking. If I had have just kept up with NC and not started talking with him again. I would not have had that urge and I would not have made an out of myself had he not canceled plans for that night (If we were on NC I would not have been expecting to see him).

I never said she thinks you are a psycho now - what I am saying is, if you continue on the downward spiral you are currently on you MAY come across that way and ultimately the end of this would be YOUR FAULT and you would have no choice in the matter. Would you rather sit knowing that there may still be a chance or continue doing what you are doing to eventually push her to the point where she tells you to screw off and you have a restraining order put against you. Control what you can now, not what you can't.

[bummedout4]

Keeping it all in is bad - so is acting on your emotions - I know this from experience. I rushed over to my ex's house during one of our talking periods and I was ready to end it right then and there - I was angry and was not thinking. If I had have just kept up with NC and not started talking with him again. I would not have had that urge and I would not have made an out of myself had he not canceled plans for that night (If we were on NC I would not have been expecting to see him).

I never said she thinks you are a psycho now - what I am saying is, if you continue on the downward spiral you are currently on you MAY come across that way and ultimately the end of this would be YOUR FAULT and you would have no choice in the matter. Would you rather sit knowing that there may still be a chance or continue doing what you are doing to eventually push her to the point where she tells you to screw off and you have a restraining order put against you.? Control what you can now, not what you can't.

Thanks, I definitely do want to think that there is a chance left because deep in my heart I know its true. You are right, the only thing I can control is how I handle myself alone and when I am around her or talking to her. I don't want to push her away, its just a lot of things running through my head all day that just messes with me.

[farfrmnormal]

I hear you - I have my moments where I am the same way. But one thing K said to me during our most recent conversation was "What would K want you to do?" So if you have the urge you sit back, breathe and say "What would she want me to do?" I know K would want me to be strong and not let my emotions run wild - so I sit back, breathe take a moment to say "Stop, you are being irrational" and I move on. I can't say I will always be this posed about the situation, but it is helping me right now. I try not to think about what he is doing because that doesn't matter - it's that I am getting better for myself and my future.