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bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 09:23 AM

My son did not get home from bball practice until 10 p.m. on Monday night. <without asking. I told him he was not allowed to go anywhere after practice on Tuesday to come straight home. He chose to go help his buddy put speakers in his car and go out to eat and got home at 9pm last night. Today is his first official ball game but,
1. I think he should just have to come straight home from school, do homework chores and his punishment is not to participate in sports for the rest of the week, 2.his brother wants him to go sit in the bull pen with his team mates and support the team. 3. his sister says that it is not the teams fault because of what he did, that he has a responsibility to the team, since he is a key player. She wants me to make him do all the chores in the house for a week and clean the basement etc... Dad wants to ground him forever. Which sounds like the fairest punishment?

oneguyinohio · Apr 2, 2008, 09:34 AM

You are the parents. It is his responsibility to follow your direction if he wants to be able to participate and contribute to the team in any way. If he does not respect your authority enough to follow your instructions, then he is choosing whatever consequences you feel justify the situation. His respect for you is far more important to demand, than any support that he may give to his team. He is not above your rules because he is some sort of superstar jock? Giving him that lesson will be wise before he thinks his abilities will allow him to shirk his responsibilities in worse ways. Be tough and let him learn a life lesson. He should have thought about his team and how he would be letting them down by getting himself into trouble. Throwing that argument in your face is only an attempt to manipulate you.

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 09:42 AM

Your right and he does think that because I want him to succeed at something that he is very good at that I am going to cut him slack. I already cut him from his select summer team because of his grades last quarter. I'll be damned if I was going to pay a ton of money for instruction and games and motel fee for a kid that wants to screw off and make bad grades. But since his grades have improved I allowed him to play ball for the school. I think he thinks sicnce his grades are up he can screw up on other levels. Since October he has tried just about everything.

oneguyinohio · Apr 2, 2008, 09:53 AM

Have a talk with him about his responsibilities and the consequences of screwing up. Everything he has is because you have made it available to him. If he wants to lose all of that, and find himself in an empty room (with a bed?) he can make that choice, and then have to earn it all back. Or, he might get the point and try harder before he gets the actual consequences. The fear of it might be enough? It's up to you what you do as a result of what he has already done... if you want to give a final warning or if the warnings are done...

duck22 · Apr 2, 2008, 10:01 AM

Whatever you do you should not ban him from playing sports. He has a commitment to his team and you not allowing him to play will do more harm then good. If you insist on punishing him that is your right but you should not keep him from playing sports.

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 10:05 AM

I have taken so much from him from time to time. His phone, games and t.v. he lost his phone and I will not replace it. He will do well and get stuff back and then goes off and does something like he did last night. I Told him the next time he does not show up at home on time and without a phone call that I am calling the police. I'm not even sure if I can do or if they would look for him.it I was so damned angry that he did it again 2 nights in a row. While I was talking to him he just would not answer me, because he said I would only get angrier. This morning he said he knew he was in trouble but did not think I would take his life from him"baseball". I see now that was his little feel sorry me ploy and it almost worked I have felt like crap all morning.

oneguyinohio · Apr 2, 2008, 10:15 AM

duck22, I believe that his commitment to his family comes before any to his team. He got himself into trouble and has already demonstrated that he acted without thinking of his team. If he got arrested for something, they wouldn't let him out to help his team. He should have thought of that before he made his decision, but it is his parent's decision if they want this to serve as a warning for the future behavior, or if he has already had enough warnings.

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 10:16 AM

Duckk22 I kind of see your point, His select coach, made the remark if his child was doing bad in areas of his life he would not take away the thing that kept him busy with a decent activity because he thinks the strictness and discpline of the team will be more helpful than harmful. In a way I agree with that but I think, that playing a sport should be a privlege.

oneguyinohio · Apr 2, 2008, 10:30 AM

This idea just popped into mind... Perhaps the coach will come up with some creative discipline or running laps? etc... for the week, in addition to the practice... that is imposed because your son (his player) made a decision to break your rules, and therefore put his participation on the team in jeopardy.

Sounds like you might have a good repoire with the coach, and this might be an idea that parents and coach can work together on. Might get all parties the results that are hoped for, and if the son learns from it, that is the best possible outcome.

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 10:38 AM

My son is happy if he can touch sports soil... and he does have a good coach and we do have a good relationship. His punishment will have to be nonsports related. They have to run laps for bad grades and have to do sucides in football for bad grades. So he knows that punishment all to well. The one thing he hates is to sell fund raising items for the team maybe we can make him do that as a form of punishment in addition to his being in trouble at home.

oneguyinohio · Apr 2, 2008, 10:45 AM

Sounds like a good plan as well. Good plan to let him know that actions at home also impact other social activities...

I remember those leg lifts where we had to lie on our backs lifting our feet about 4 or 5 inches off the floor... that killed me more than any of the other stuff.

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 10:54 AM

Lol, I am not in to any type of sports nor ever was... so I can not imagine. What these coaches will sometimes do is make the kids with the bad grades stand on the sidelines while their team mates ( that got good grades) are punished with crunches and such. My oldest son has come home from football practice and threatened bodily harm to his brother if he has to do one more crunch for his bad grades. b-ball 1 is varsity and the other is jv and the bball coach is not as hard as the football coach.

spitvenom · Apr 2, 2008, 11:11 AM

When I first read this I thought you need to let him play because he made a commitment to his team. But then I start to think maybe he shouldn't play. If he doesn't play in the game and the team loses because of him not being there his teammates are going to get on him so bad He will never do it again. It's one thing to have your mom yell at you for coming home late but when your teammates are yelling at you for coming home late it takes on a real meaning. And if they were anything like my teammates they will never let him forget it!

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 11:18 AM

Well I have 1 hour and 15 minutes to make my final decision... hmmm
Spite, some of those boys on the team will say Yahoo cause that gives them more playing time, some will be unhappy because they are playing their arch enemy and one of their toughest competors and I don't thnk our school has ever won against this team. It's sad because my son is so dang good at ball it is really a thrill to see him play. He is such a risk taker on the field and has the crowd standing on their feet and cheering. I think this will hurt me worse than it does him.

spitvenom · Apr 2, 2008, 12:22 PM

Let him play!!

duck22 · Apr 2, 2008, 01:33 PM

His teammates are not going to hold it against him, they will hold it against his mom for punishing him. He was probably hanging out with them in the first place so its not like they will be mad at him. If you want to punish him that is your right to, but do not punish him from playing the sport his loves.

spitvenom · Apr 2, 2008, 01:55 PM

Isn't that the point of a punishment to take away something a person loves to make them learn a lesson?

bushg · Apr 2, 2008, 03:38 PM

Well, his game got cancelled home field too wet, but he was asked to travel with the varisty team to play with them. I did not let him go nor did I let him go to batting practice.
I just thought about it and I don't feel comfortable with my kids thinking they can go wherever they choose without asking first and for him to do it 2 nights in a row was totally uncalled for. Hopefully this will teach him a lesson.