[sankari_h]

Hi,
I got married 2 yrs back. Till now I have not raised family life with my husband. He is not moving close to me. He is very specific in repeating I am not the wife he expected.
He rarely speaks to me. We have spent little time together in sharing thoughts.
I was very caring for him. I did my maximum to change myself to his level of expectations but not successful thoroughly.
Now I am at my parents place as he do not want to see my face anymore.
Till date I am able to identify why is he like that?

Will he change. Should I wait for him or part him permanently.

I am emotionally disturbed a lot. I still love him lot & I miss him lot.

[life1973happened]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds very difficult. I have to ask why all of this came up after you were married? Did you now know each other very well? Did he know what your expectations, future plans and goals, wants and needs were, and you his?

In addition, he sounds awful if he speaks to you and addresses you in this manner. That alone needs to change right away. I think the two of you really should go and talk to somebody, sooner than later.

I am not the expert with this type of thing and I do hope one or more of our relationship experts offers some ideas for you. I do hope you can find some suggestions helpful and then utilize them to help fix what is obviously broken in your relationship.

[LifePaparazzi]

Hello Sankari, I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and hope I'm right. But it almost sounds like you ended up in arranged marriage. While these are very traditional, and culturally correct in many parts of the world, these types of marriages are usually not very happy ones While there are certainly exceptions to the case.

Be that as it may, you sound rather desperate. Now given the fact that I am in no way an expert on relationships, I still see where you are coming from. You see, when I was 24, I met a man at my place of work. We went out a few times, even though my family would never accept him, due to religious issues.

When my parents found out, they issues an ultimatum of, either him or us. Well, I choose the man. I told myself that I would really love him, and I still do this day. But we were totally wrong for each other.

My ex-husband made me feel ugly and kept pointing out my flaws. He woud compare me to other women and constantly told me how I was not a good wife to him. But lets fast forward a bit. It took me 8 years to finally gather the courage to divorce him. Even though I worked and paid for almost all we owned, I just walked away with what I could load in to my vehicle and he got the rest.

Today I am happily re-married (something I thought I would never do) to the man of my dreams (well close anyway LOL) It was very hard at first, to struggle on my own. But it also did not take me long to discover that I was a beautiful woman, with a lot of good qualities. I learned that I was a prize to be treasured.

Don't get me wrong, I still loved my ex. and some part of me will always love what we once had. But my life with my ex. Was just pure missery, and I have learned that life is to short to be misserable. Only you can change your happyness.

In closing, keep in mind that you can not chage anyone in to something you want. Just as you can not really change yourself in to something that you are not, and expect to be happy. Now while I am in no way saying that you should run out and get a divorce, please just consider these few thoughs.

Hope they might help.
Regards,
LifePaparazzi

[N0help4u]

He is the one with the problem.
It takes two to make a marriage work
He wants you to change for him
Marriage is about working things out and compromise.
He has the wrong idea of how a marriage works.
He is treating it more like a business arrangement
He is the boss and you are the lowly employee and
You have to work your way up the 'marriage ladder'

I bet he was no prize-winner himself.
You can do better find somebody that loves you for you!