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MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 10:17 PM

Just so you know. I didn't mean anything bad about not caring what anybody says on here. I know you want to help. I appreciate it more than you know. I just meant, a lot of it is geared toward moving on. Understandibly so.

Romefalls19 · Jan 24, 2008, 06:13 AM

It's been over 3 weeks of NC for me, well NC started by me anyway. Everyone on here knows the e-mail she sent me. And maybe I hit a chord with her because she hasn't responded? I'm still holding on to hope of a new us, but won't give in to her at all. I'm not going to text, and today will be really really hard because it would have been 2 1/2 yrs today... I want so bad to text her and just say "hey, whats up" but I know that's wrong

MLB33 · Jan 24, 2008, 03:05 PM

Im not here to give you advice. I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through. I know me and you kind of kept up with each other a little on here and... if you read my post I'm on day... 4. again. Haha. I just don't know, and I don't think you do either of when or what to say IF you are still wanting to give them another shot. Not just another shot but a ligit shot. Assuming she really wants it. When you do you respond what to say all that stuff. Because you can't just ignore everything you know? Not if you are willing to give it another chance. Is the risk worth the reward? For me and I think you... yes

talaniman · Jan 24, 2008, 03:12 PM

Get healthy first, and then make those decisions, without emotional baggage and confusion.

Robert7x · Jan 24, 2008, 03:19 PM

I can't believe I just read 40+ pages of this thread... Man that's a lot... But I guess you do that when you have nothing else to do at work... right? :)

I too am going through similar situation like some of you guys... My girl of 9 months left me, actually left the states and went to another country to be with someone else... It sucks, I've been hurting like crazy, but I knew about the NC so I started that as soon as she left... it's been 20 something days... she sent me 2 emails because she wanted me to do her a favor... I never responded.

The thing is, she thinks I don't know why she left... she lied to me that the reason she's leaving is to visit her dying grandpa and she'll be back... yet she took all her stuff, moved to her parents house, left me alone in our apartment and is now in Germany doing god knows what with her "Special Friend".

I realized that if I wrote her back, it won't solve anything... she's still thousand miles away and I'm here by myself. I had my friend change the passwords on both myspace and Facebook so I don't check it... I deleted my email, so now the only way she can contact me is my cell, which I can't do anything about since it's work number, and my work email.

IF she really wants to get in touch with me she knows how to, but I'm protecting myself and Really, really hard trying to get out of this denial stage and move on. It's so damn hard but I don't have to tell any of you guys this. Just like freakinconfused, my heart is telling me I want her back... but my head is telling me that I'm an idiot... she left me for another why in the blue hell would I want her back...

I guess we can only wait and see what the future has in store for us... I sure as hell don't know... my only worry right now is that my time is running out. I have no idea why I think that it's too late for me to find a girl again. I'm 25 and I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone again... Maybe it's because I'm not into this whole club/bar scene... and everyone my age or younger seems to be in it...

Good luck to all you guys... I know time heals all wounds, but man I wish I can fast forward it to about 3months down the road. :)

kuulski · Jan 24, 2008, 03:34 PM

Don't sweat it you are going through exactly what is expected. Feels like somebody pulled the rug from under you and you are falling and can't stop. I understand it gets better and you will decide down the road what to do. Sounds like she actually made it pretty easy for u in the sense of making a decision she left you, lied to you as to why she was leaving and then has the BALLZ to email you for a favor? Sheesh. I went NC for 4 months with my ex she started emailing me the day after christmas and we have been emailing back and fourth nothing too deep but she emails me and we say a couple things the levels are up and down sometimes we email all day sometimes not at all. My point is every situation is different and my choice was to put myself first focus on me me and then me. Once you get into the groove of things again u will feel better and be able to make good decisions on how to proceed.

Questions2007 · Jan 24, 2008, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by Robert7x

I can't believe i just read 40+ pages of this thread... Man that's a lot... But i guess you do that when you have nothing else to do at work... right? :)

I too am going thru similar situation like some of you guys... My girl of 9 months left me, actually left the states and went to another country to be with someone else... It sucks, I've been hurting like crazy, but i knew about the NC so i started that as soon as she left... it's been 20 something days... she sent me 2 emails because she wanted me to do her a favor... i never responded.

The thing is, she thinks i don't know why she left... she lied to me that the reason she's leaving is to visit her dying grandpa and she'll be back... yet she took all her stuff, moved to her parents house, left me alone in our apartment and is now in Germany doing god knows what with her "Special Friend".

I realized that if i wrote her back, it won't solve anything... she's still thousand miles away and i'm here by myself. I had my friend change the passwords on both myspace and facebook so i don't check it... I deleted my email, so now the only way she can contact me is my cell, which i can't do anything about since it's work number, and my work email.

IF she really wants to get in touch with me she knows how to, but i'm protecting myself and Really, really hard trying to get out of this denial stage and move on. It's so damn hard but i don't have to tell any of you guys this. Just like freakinconfused, my heart is telling me i want her back... but my head is telling me that i'm an idiot... she left me for another why in the blue hell would i want her back...

I guess we can only wait and see what the future has in store for us... I sure as hell don't know... my only worry right now is that my time is running out. I have no idea why i think that it's too late for me to find a girl again. I'm 25 and i'm afraid that i'll never find anyone again... Maybe it's because i'm not into this whole club/bar scene... and everyone my age or younger seems to be in it...

Good luck to all you guys... I know time heals all wounds, but man i wish i can fast forward it to about 3months down the road. :)

That is probably the most effective NC procedure I have ever heard off on here. Proper NC! No messing around. You are seriously on the road to recovery!

If the bar scene isn't you, try internet dating. Match.com is very good, and it will give you a big ego boost when you see the amount of hot available women who take an interest in you!

Seriously, 25 is nothing. If you have been this effective with NC so far, in 2 or 3 months time you will feel even better!

freakinconfused · Jan 24, 2008, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by Robert7x

Just like freakinconfused, my heart is telling me i want her back... but my head is telling me that i'm an idiot... she left me for another why in the blue hell would i want her back...

I guess we can only wait and see what the future has in store for us... I sure as hell don't know... my only worry right now is that my time is running out. I have no idea why i think that it's too late for me to find a girl again. I'm 25 and i'm afraid that i'll never find anyone again... Maybe it's because i'm not into this whole club/bar scene... and everyone my age or younger seems to be in it...

Haha, it's a b!tc# ain't it? Ya know in all reality that you don't want the person back, but your heart reaches out to them because you loved them, and once that love is gone you just have a big @$$ empty hole there that you know can't be filled again anytime soon. I guess you basically just got to try to look at the positives and better your situation as best you can, and then one day you'll wake up and just not give a $#!t anymore that you aren't with her. And then, as you are working on yourself I guess, everything else seems to fall into place as far as significant others go. I met my ex when I decided that the college I was at wasn't going to get me anywhere, and so I applied and got into one of the best schools in the country. I was on the upswing then, and had a goal and purpose in life. And then to top it all off, I met one of the greatest people I've ever known (at least before she dumped me) and apparently did something right, because she stayed with me for 4 years.

One thing that helps me is knowing that a year and a half after graduating college she is still a freakin' bar tender. I worked at the same bar/restaurant as her after I graduated 2 years ago, but then I got my act together and got a good IT job. Right now I'm looking into going to grad school, or at least getting some IT certification classes under my belt. And, I'm trying to get another IT job that pays twice what I make now. But she's still a bar tender... ha. I have a head start on that front at least.

Dude, I'm 25 too. I think we're still pretty young and can find chicks. Yeah, bar scene isn't really my scene either - not because I don't go, but because there is a serious lack of hotties drinking at the bars near my house.

George_1950 · Jan 24, 2008, 04:17 PM

Robert7x writes: "I'm 25 and i'm afraid that i'll never find anyone again" You are freakin krazy, man. Lol

freakinconfused · Jan 24, 2008, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

At the end of the day its your choice but we can only give you our opinions and you can take them or leave them , but remember our opnions are based on experience. And we are on your side don't forget.

Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius for writing the "What to expect when you get dumped!" sticky. Every time I feel like I want to break NC, or start missing her really badly, I just read that thing over and over. My only complaint is that I didn't stumble across it right when she dumped me. If I had, I probably would have been much better off. I wish I could repay you somehow.

George_1950 · Jan 24, 2008, 05:26 PM

freakinconfused writes: "Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius...." Amen; we just need to come up with some emotional splints and bandaids.

friend4u178 · Jan 24, 2008, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by freakinconfused

Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius for writing the "What to expect when you get dumped!" sticky. Every time I feel like I want to break NC, or start missing her really badly, I just read that thing over and over. My only complaint is that I didn't stumble across it right when she dumped me. If I had, I probably would have been much better off. I wish I could repay you somehow.

Thank you "freakin"
You are repaying a lot of people on here by giving some real good advise... keep it up :-)

Robert7x · Jan 24, 2008, 07:25 PM

I too am in the IT field... I'm an it manager for the local law firm. The job is awse and pays really well. I never thought that I would get where I am today this early in my life. Maybe we it guys don't like the bar scene for a reason... I don't know. Its weird how similar our stories are and same age...

Originally Posted by freakinconfused

Haha, it's a b!tc# ain't it? Ya know in all reality that you don't want the person back, but your heart reaches out to them because you loved them, and once that love is gone you just have a big @$$ empty hole there that you know can't be filled again anytime soon. I guess ya basically just gotta try to look at the positives and better your situation as best you can, and then one day you'll wake up and just not give a $#!t anymore that you aren't with her. And then, as you are working on yourself I guess, everything else seems to fall into place as far as significant others go. I met my ex when I decided that the college I was at wasn't going to get me anywhere, and so I applied and got into one of the best schools in the country. I'm not gonna throw out names, but let's just say our basketball team won the national championship in 2K5, and is looking pretty hot right now!I was on the upswing then, and had a goal and purpose in life. And then to top it all off, I met one of the greatest people I've ever known (at least before she dumped me) and apparently did something right, because she stayed with me for 4 years.

One thing that helps me is knowing that a year and a half after graduating college she is still a freakin' bar tender. I worked at the same bar/restaurant as her after I graduated 2 years ago, but then I got my act together and got a good IT job. Right now I'm looking into going to grad school, or at least getting some IT certification classes under my belt. And, I'm trying to get another IT job that pays twice what I make now. But she's still a bar tender...ha. I have a head start on that front at least.

Dude, I'm 25 too. I think we're still pretty young and can find chicks. Yeah, bar scene isn't really my scene either - not because I don't go, but because there is a serious lack of hotties drinking at the bars near my house.

Robert7x · Jan 24, 2008, 07:27 PM

I agree l. I have that page saved on my iPod touch and I look at it every day. Sorry for some spelling mistakes but this thing is pain in the a$$ to type on.

Originally Posted by freakinconfused

Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius for writing the "What to expect when you get dumped!" sticky. Every time I feel like I want to break NC, or start missing her really badly, I just read that thing over and over. My only complaint is that I didn't stumble across it right when she dumped me. If I had, I probably would have been much better off. I wish I could repay you somehow.

308426 · Jan 24, 2008, 08:42 PM

Hi! I am new to this site, and I am so happy I ran into this post. Honestly, I wish I would have found it sooner. I was dumped in August 2007, and remained in contact with my ex all the way into December. It has been almost 1 month since I have contacted him.

Whenever I get the urge to email him, I write a draft to him but I do not send it. I realized that it just gives him power to know how much I love him. So, even though I think about him constantly, and would give anything to hear his voice--I say it in a letter to myself. Then I quick exit the webmail, and pretend I just wrote him, and hours later I am relieved I didn't send it.

Anyway, you guys are great and very strong! I can tell we're all a bunch of big hearts in here, and it is sweet to see everyone stick together!

Yay! 1 month NC

<3 Laney

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 08:46 PM

Good job laney, and welcome. You'll find this site's... ridiculously therapeutic. Look at my profile. 708 posts in the past 3 months. That's roughly 8 posts a day. It's sad. Imagine how much money I saved on therapy!

p.s. - oh yeah, I'm something like... 5 weeks into NC. Or something like that. Haven't kept track.

friend4u178 · Jan 24, 2008, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

good job laney, and welcome. you'll find this site's...ridiculously therapeutic. look at my profile. 708 posts in the past 3 months. that's roughly 8 posts a day. it's sad. imagine how much money I saved on therapy!

p.s. - oh yeah, I'm something like...5 weeks into NC. or something like that. Haven't kept track.

LOL... sneeze why don't you work out how much you've saved and throw us all a big party :-)

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

LOL...........sneeze why don't you work out how much you've saved and throw us all a big party :-)

Well... let me try.

I've been on this site for a month and a half... coming on here everyday. I'll just condense it down to... twice a week... an hour per session? In my city, it's about $130 an hour for therapy.

$130 per meeting...
$260 per week...
$1560 for 6 weeks.

... holy cow.

Not to mention how much money I saved from being single. Good lord.

gigi doug · Jan 25, 2008, 10:32 PM

Omg I'm so freakin confused.. again!you guys are all much stronger than me as unfortunately I still have contact with my ex. I just keep getting stuck! But we were supposed to try and be friends.. again.. lol. It workd for a while than a few days ago he see's me dancing with a guy in a club and actually looses it!He pulled me away and basically yelled at me to stop dancing with him!

Wot the? He is the one who wanted to end it!Said he had no feelings.. Now he's doing this?We had a text fight today and he basically said to me that he still has feelings but I'm not his type.. Again what? I don't understant what he means by this?Can anyone explain what it could mean lol.. How can you say someone's not your type (yet we went out for a year) and than also say you still have feelings and lose it when he see's me just dancing with someone else?

Help please!

George_1950 · Jan 25, 2008, 10:37 PM

Gigi writes: "How can you say someones not your type (yet we went out for a year) and than also say you still have feelings and lose it when he see's me just dancing with someone else??" He is having identity issues, perhaps maturity issues.