[kuulski]

I feel for you w2d but you have to understand as long as you push the issue she will walk further and further away. I would ignore most of what she is saying because she is confused and she will confuse you more. All the talk of gettign a house 2 gether etc.. Is common my ex said the same types of things. Be very careful go NC right away for u! If it will work itself out if she ends up wanting you back BELIEVE me you will know it will be obvious and you will then have a decision to make. Good Luck!

[wot2do]

I can't take it anymore - we have been txting over xmas but she is so slow to respond to text messages - the last one she asked me if I wanted to do do somin on sun night (I txted her a while before asking if she would like to do somin that wknd), I replied to 5hrs later to give her a taste of her own medicine + I was out at my cousins, she has not replied too 24 hours +later.

I think she is not interested in counseling, in me, in giving it a go whatsoever. I just wrote a text message out which I have yet to send please help - should I send it ? It goes like this : "i think its obvious you are not considerin getting back together at all, i can't take all this waitinf for yout txt or calls anymore, its not fair. I do not want too force u 2 meet with me or go too couples councelling as i think u do not want too. I love u so much its killing me but i can't force you 2 b with me or prove i can change. I said this before but im goin too try and move on. I think this i s what u want deep down and its just too hard for you too admit. I thought I was your one. xxx"

Is this OK or not please respond.

[allswell]

Please do not send that text, for your sake. You have already said everything you need to say, and then some. It has gotten you nowhere. This last text won't do anyone any good either--but it will make you feel like a sap when she doesn't respond the way you want her to. If she responds at all. I think it's high time to cut your losses, and start moving along. 2008 is just around the corner and may it bring clarity and peace of mind to all of us here.

You started this thread saying NC wasn't the best option for you. But, as I read through, I witnessed your emotional turmoil time and time again for the past few weeks. Perhaps if you had gone the NC route you would have saved yourself this anguish. Granted, sometimes we have to make one last attempt, give it one more try, just to make sure that it's not going to turn out differently this time.

Men, women, it doesn't matter--people are really quite simple. If they want to see you, be with you, talk to you, feel you, smell you, they will--and nothing will stop them. She doesn't want to do any of those things, and her semblance of trying to work things out is just a way for her to assuage her guilt, to not feel like "the bad guy".

Suffice it to say, it will suck, but you are not alone. I was dumped about a month ago and have been in agony. Have I picked up the phone? Absolutely not. Have I tried to make any kind of contact? Hell no. And I work with him. Imagine how difficult it is trying not to think of someone only to be constantly reminded of their presence.

At the end of the day, I have my dignity, and self-respect. I am not crawling after anybody who is not able to realize what a great person I am. Do I want to hold him by the collar and tell him what an idiot he is? Of course I do, but I'm not giving him that satisfaction.

Like I said, it is sheer hell, but at least you'll be able to hold your head up high and say "I don't deserve this. Good bye."

Good luck.

[talaniman]

No, its not okay.

[George_1950]

Try this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

And the hot links at the bottom of Talaniman's signature.

[wot2do]

Well guys I should have listened to you all earlier lol. She still had not txted me back about whether meet up - (she was the one who first sugggested it may I add). So 24hrs later I txted her one last chance saying "do u want to come out or not, uve not txtd". Unsurpisingly her phone was off (again!) so I thought okay clearly her actions are speaking far louder than anything she is saying. So I txted her saying 'You clearly are not considering us getting back together, I'm sure you are not trying to hurt me. I'm going to move on." When she turned her phone back on she txt back saying this: "I'm so sorr 4 hurting you. I really hate myself so much. I do want to see you and meet up with you but I'm not ready to get back together and I don't think its fair on you. I just don't know what to do. I want you to be happy which I now is stupid to say as I've upset you so much. Xxx" I have not and will not respond. I am on NC, I've removed her from Facebook and her friends so I can't check up on her, deleted her emails and moved away her photos. I've even applied for a job in the USA (im from UK) which starts this summer. I see now I was deluding myself but my god the things she used to say still eat me up inside. Why do woman say these things if they don't really mean it? Anway I'm moving on and I'm not looking back. Thanks for your advice all.

[George_1950]

Thanks for your update. You said: " my god the things she used to say still eat me up inside. Why do woman say these things if they dont realy mean it?" Perhaps, in many instances, females understand the game, the contest, better than males.

[talaniman]

She may of mean't every word she said to you, but we all know females can change their minds.

[George_1950]

A lady doesn't leave the man she loves confused or with a sick stomach. Neither does a lady with a man she hates, for that matter, unless she be after something else.

[wot2do]

Do you mean you think her actions suggest she's after som1 else? I asked her if she was interested in som1 else a while ago in one of our conversations she said no. But who knows? I don't suppose she would tell me if she was - she hasn't exactly made this break up easy for me (telling me she loves me and will always love me, and needs some time and maybe she will want to get back together or maybe not was her words originally or something like that). She defintely is not the type of girl to cheat on me but maybe that's why she broke up with me. If she does start seeing anyone else I imagine I would find out through a friend of mine eventually... If true then I'm going to have so much trouble trusting another woman because my ex, ex kind of cheated on me too.

In reality I guess its none of my business anymore what she does; and is all the more reason why I must stay no contact. Also why I want to america for a year or 2 and get away from it all lol. I hope I'm not acting to rash.

[George_1950]

You wrote: " If true then I'm gona have so much trouble trusting another woman cus my ex, ex kinda cheated on me too."

Please do not put your gf's problems onto the next women in your life. This is one experience that you can learn from and grow through, if you are willing. Those girls are tricky and like to test you. You need to work on relationship skills. Do some research, but do not settle on the first thing you find; check multiple sources.

[Maggie83]

By moving away your just running from your problems and the distance won't make them go away! I was similar to you I applied for jobs I didn't want just to get away but I quickly realised it wouldn't make a difference.

I also have had my doubts about N/C because I would still like to get my ex back in all honesty. I received a chain text from my ex two nights ago, now I don't know why she sent it to me but I ignored it and I've heard nothing since to say happy new year or anything but I'm happy if id replied id have got a few texts then been back to square one emotionally!

[talaniman]

Love those links George.

The time is past trying to figure her mind and motivations out. The thing to do now is allow the healing process to work. Love yourself, and be happy with who you are.

[wot2do]

Why am I still getting upset every day? I am revising, I am going to gym, going out every night - yet every day I get upset and keep thinking of the little things we used to do together like sing these little silly songs too each other. Im so worried about my exams :(

[Maggie83]

Worry about your exams, that's the most important thing right now. Your doing all of the right things I know I've been there when I was at uni/college but this is your future and your career don't let one person destroy what you've already worked so hard for!

In time you will see that you have no power to change things by getting upset, do what your doing and avoid contact where possible... or at least until your exams are over

[talaniman]

Why am I still getting upset every day? I am revising, i am goin to gym, going out every night - yet every day i get upset and keep thinking of the little things we used to do together like sing these little silly songs too each other. Im so worried about my exams :(

Its only withdrawal that your going through. Don't give in to the craving, and time will heal you. Its supposed to hurt, because you cared, and this is a great loss to deal with.

[wot2do]

Thanks for your support guys you've been great. I was wandering when you think I should start dating again. I mean how do I know when I'm ready? At the moment I feel rejected and kind of worthless. So I've gone abit crazy and registered for about 10 different dating websites lol just too see if I can get any interest or if it is actually me. I don't know whether I would go on a date yet but maybe I just want some attention. Is dating like this wrong? Ive never been in a relationship for nearly 4 years before so I don't know protocol. I still would take my ex back in a moments notice so I'm defintely not ready for another serious relationship but is dating OK?

[Maggie83]

I would give yourself a little more time, if you feel worthless then what do you expect you'll be like on a date! If your heart isn't in it don't do it, any dates will be horrible they'll go badly and you'll miss your ex even more!

I know you want to feel wanted and that you are attractive (im the same) but going on dates isn't the way to get yourself worth back the only person who can do that is you and you alone.

That's just my opinion others may take a different view

[talaniman]

At least you recognise your feelings for attention, but for now love yourself and be happy who you are, and let the healing process work. You'll know when your ready by how good you feel about yourself. People who jump into dating so soon after a break up, fall for anything, and rebound relationships usually end in disaster. Be patient.

[George_1950]

You wrote: "So i've gone abit crazy and registered for about 10 different dating websites lol just too see if i can get any interest or if it is actually me. I dont know whether I would go on a date yet.... Is dating like this wrong?...I still would take my ex back in a moments notice so im defintely not ready for another serious relationship...."
Developing 'coping strategies' is very important because you need some activities, some things to do. I think dating websites is a good place to spend some time each day, looking to develop friendships. As long as you are not trying to get acutal dates, you can make friends many miles away, only don't fall in love that way!