[aiyerrc]

Where are all my little trolls when I need them? Lol

[aiyerrc]

Bumpity bump bump...

[kuulski]

I read this post and was all intense till you said "She gives Good Head" LOL! I almost fell out my seat. First question is You're a virgin how do u know? I am joking obviously Looks like you have your head on straight :>) Don't contact move on and see what else you find out there. I am sure if she wants to work it out or if u desire too down the road there won't be any issue with it because you guys seem to be handling the situation right.
Good Luck

[aiyerrc]

Intercourse virgin lol... but yea, so you don't think I should contact her over the new years? Even though I said I would?

[Baby-_-Girl-_-19]

hey guys

LONG BUT PLEASE READ

for all of you who have been following my insane posts over the past few weeks, tonight me and my ex broke up via phone. i didnt want to do it this way, but the idea of being confused and not knowing just got me too impatient...

it was completely mutual, i pressed the subject, and she came out with it. she said she was going to wait until we got back to school, so we could talk in person, and i just couldnt wait until then, especially bc i pretty much already knew the outcome.

she said 2 of the last 3 nights we spent together before the break, she was trying to have sex, so she would see if that would make the relationship work out and bring us closer...unfortunately, bc i was a virgin, i wasnt ready...looking back, she said it worked out for the best bc if we would have done it, it would have only prolonged the inevitable, and made it that much harder when we did. besides, if a 2 month relationship at 19 has to be saved by sex, then im not sure it would of saved anything at all. plus, it would have been for all the wrong reasons.

so it was a mutual breakup, and we agreed to be friends and not let this be the last night we spoke...we ended the conversatin with some joking around, and poking fun at each other. it felt so good to not have the pressure of being "in a relationship". we could just be ourselves. we agreed to meet over new years in atlanta, so she could give me my birthday present. i said yea thatd be nice, and we left it at that.

as anxious and obssessed i may have seemed in my earlier posts, it was more me trying to figure out the situation than the fear of actually losing her as a girlfriend. yes i am a bit hurt, but i already feel better just knowing that this is what we both kind of wanted. it wasnt a nasty breakup, and we laughed and joked around here and there.

it just wasnt the right time for her to be in a relationship, nor was i ready to handle a relationship. she did cite that i may have pushed things a bit too hard too fast, but that most of the things i felt i needed werent that outrageous. she just wasnt ready to give them to anyone, it didnt matter how much she liked me.

we said we were going to remain close friends and still talk to each other, but of course many mutual breakups say that. i still do like her, and im just glad i finally got to understand the way she was eeing us, and thats all i ever really wanted. she said there may always be a chance of us being together, but at the current time, it just wasnt happening. we were trying too hard at a relationship that was barely even off its feet to begin with. when we were together, we were great together, but the true test of a relationship is how we acted when we were apart. i felt she acted the opposite, she felt i acted the opposite of how someone should act.

i would sometime like to date her again, but im not holding my breath by any means. the part i will miss most about her will be all the superficial wrong reasons..i.e. shes hot, she gives good "head", shes the envy of many other men around me, but like i said those are shallow and and unimprtant reasons for a relationship.

if we get back fine, i know i will understand how a relationship goes the second time around, but its just going to take her time that whatever knowledge i lacked, i made up for with care and affection.

i know NC should be the way to go if i want to "get her back", but i dont even know if thats what i really want. i mean right now, when u lose something, you want to find it or get it back...thats human nature, especially, if u were fond of the particular item.

should i contact her and meet up with her for new years?
should i be friends with her? and hope she comes around by seeing me as a nonrelationship bound threat and a person she can once again have feelings for?
or should i just go completely NC and forget about her altogether?

i know you may think im okay on the outside, but thats really not the case. i'm fine on the inside as well. i like her yes, but im not in love with her nor do i have any kind of infatuation with her. i would love to have another shot with her, but, like i said, im not going to hold my breath or wait for her.

i would like to say thank you to all the people who took the time to write thoughtful and insightful responses, however many different times and ways i asked the same question. this really helped me transition through the breakup phase, probably more than even i know. thank you especially, talaniman, matteus, cali, livinglife, george, phil, and anyone else i forgot for everything. i will continue to keep in touch..

Normally this isn't the way things are advised to go, but seeing as how it was mutual, and not a messy break up, I say just be friends with the girl, meet her for new years hang out with her, as long as its not going to be awkward for you.
If you decide you want her back, then maybe just being friends with her will help you figure out what she needs in the relationship, posibly even what you need.
If it makes any diffrence, I'm best friends with one of my ex's, and things work much better that way, it wasn't easy for us at first, but eventually things just fell into an easy routine.
I hope some of what I said helps...

[aiyerrc]

But your not back together with that ex obviously... I just don't know if the reason I have taken this breakup so well thus far is because I have some glimmer of hope we will get back together, or I just really wasn't that invested in the whole relationship as much as I thought I was or may have appeared. I still think about her a lot, but its doesn't make me upset or sad.

The way we left things after the BU, I think I should contact her, not because I'm going to beg and plead with her, but to show that being friends is okay and the relationship didn't effect me too bad.

As people always say, NC is for me, and since I don't really know or think I need ME work, I shouldn't do NC... ill think about it sometime more over the next few days, but right now my plan is to call her as planned.

[kuulski]

Yea everybody is different I myself needed NC and I have been through multiple breakups this is the first time I have actually been able to maintain NC. Also me and my ex were together for 2 years so it is different. If you can handle it go for it. I know I couldn't :>)

[Baby-_-Girl-_-19]

but your not back together with that ex obviously...i just dont know if the reason i have taken this breakup so well thus far is bc i have some glimmer of hope we will get back together, or i just really wasnt that invested in the whole relationship as much as i thought i was or may have appeared. i still think about her alot, but its doesnt make me upset or sad.

the way we left things after the BU, i think i should contact her, not bc im going to beg and plead with her, but to show that being friends is okay and the relationship didnt effect me too bad.

as people always say, NC is for me, and since i dont really know or think i need ME work, i shouldnt do NC...ill think about it sometime more over the next few days, but right now my plan is to call her as planned.

You're right, I'm not back with that ex, I wouldn't have minded, he was a nice guy, treated me right, but we both reailzed that the relationship wasn't working, and salvaged what was left of a good friendship.
Maybe the break up isn't bothering you so bad, because it was something you needed for yourself...
No contact is good depending on the situation, you're not intending on begging for her back, you just want to be her friend, I say contact her... its better to be able to have a friendship with your ex, than have it be awkward every time you see her.

[talaniman]

Dude your going in circles. If the other posters would read ALL your posts, they would say the same thing. Its you who is confused and clueless.

[aiyerrc]

Dude your going in circles. If the other posters would read ALL your posts, they would say the same thing. Its you who is confused and clueless.

How can you say that? Going in circles? Can you elaborate? I have felt more clear and better today than I felt the entire break before we broke up...

[Baby-_-Girl-_-19]

Aiyerrc, I think he was talking about me...

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2209193

The whole sordid mess.
You due to insecurity and confusion, can't get along with this female, and get to tripping when she is away on holiday break, mind you everyone says be cool. You still get mad because she doesn't call/text enough, so you cool off text less and then break up. Now your wondering if you should call her for New Years and want her back. If that ain't a big circle?? You had the girl, and ran, now same day you want her back. Just so you know, she went along with you, and everything you said and agreed to break up because she figures that's what your crazy confused a$$ wanted. So now here we are again answering the same a$$ questions but a week later. Leave this female alone and get your head screwed on tighter before you run everyone crazy. Just my opinion, of course.

[talaniman]

Bumpity,bump,bump??

[aiyerrc]

Tal, you have got this story backwards... if you want to get technical she was going to break up with me when we got back from break... when she says something like," I was trying to have sex so maybe we could salvage a relationship that was less than 2 months in, then I'm pretty sure its over, especially because we didn't have sex... exactly what I thought she was going to do, do it in person because she didn't want to do it over the phone... but I was so fed up with being in lala land as far as her and me happily dating, I couldn't go through another day of waiting for her to breakup with me, WHICH SHE WAS GOING TO DO.

She didn't just agree with everything I said, we understood each other point of views... yes I may have lost her because I pushed too much too fast, but the more I think about that, the more upset I will be... I may have lost her because I'm not experienced enough in a relationship, and while I hate the fact, it'll make me learn for the furture.. she wasn't ready for a relationship, especially with me, someone who was looking for something serious. Yes it may be my fault, but I'm happier now, broken up, than I was not knowing what to do at all at the point in the relationship that we were at...

It was mutual, I'm satisfied... did I lose a good girl? Possibley... am I heartbroken? no... am I upset? Maybe a bit... am I confused anymore? Hell no... the only thing I'm trying to determine right now is what way to go in terms of NO CONTACT

Tala, you are the most avid proclaimer of no contact is for yourself... well I feel better now than I have in almost a month... I don't need time for myself...

Could she have been just blowing smoke up my a$$? Saying there may be a chance for us down the road? There's a good chance... but honestly, I want to stop worrying about every move I make towards her... we broke up mainly so I wouldn't have to do that anymore...

[aiyerrc]

By the way, that link goes nowhere...

[talaniman]

should I contact her and meet up with her for new years?

Does this sound familiar, does it make sense after breaking up, TODAY, and going no contact??

The link is fixed. Ooooops!

[talaniman]

Yes go no contact!

[aiyerrc]

The thing is though tala, I don't hate her, I don't love her, I'm not at a great loss over her, we broke up for good reasons... I had mine she had hers... was I willing to work on it as hard as I could? Yes, because I don't give up on things so easily, but that's besides the point. Being in a relationship was too difficult for us, and after it only being 2 months, and already this stressful, we both thought to oursleves, is this worth it?

The only reason I would contact her is to show her that the breakup didn't really affect me... its not for a chance to get back together with her at the first chance. Its to show, I still would like to be an aquantince(sp?) of hers. NC would solve nothing, imo.

Maybe, I'm just missing the point entirely... lol

On a different note: is it weird, that I genuinely(sp?) don't feel upset at the breakup? Is it weird that I have felt less pressure and stress today than I have felt the last 3 weeks? Is it weird that no part of me wants to contact her at all? Maybe its shell shock, but I really doubt it...

[talaniman]

Relax and give it a week, then see how you feel. No need to do anything now right?

[aiyerrc]

Well, new years is in 4 days!! Lol