[honeymustard]

I feel silly asking this question. I guess it's because of how love seems to always elude me.

I always feel that the guys I feel I can fall in love with, are not interested in me in the same way. Usually, these would be my guy friends and I guess that's why I always end up in complicated situations. And the guys that are interested in me are the ones I feel like I cannot fall in love with. It's... I don't know, just a feeling like I know it's not going to work out. I know this is the reason why people date around before becoming exclusive, so they can scope out the ocean before they find the right fish.

Believe it or not, I don't think I've ever gone on a date before. Of course I've been out with guys alone before, but they never explicitly called it a "date", so I guess those don't count?

I don't intentionally try to play hard to get, but when I do meet a guy that I seem to click with, I get scared and try to avoid having eye contact with them and keep asking myself "do I really like him? does he really like me? what if I don't like him? I don't want to be perceived as someone who fallings in love easily!" I think about these questions even more if I have the "guy I feel I could fall in love with" on my mind. Then after we part from our first meeting, I would kick myself for avoiding him. I know... maybe I think too much. I keep telling myself to relax and just have fun... but I forget all this once I tense up.

And as for the guys that I feel I can fall in love with but show signs that they don't reciprocate my feelings, it makes me sad whenever I realize (or be told by other people) that I have to give up on them. And of course, once the guy categorizes you in the "friend zone", it's over. The chances of him changing his mind and seeing you as a potential love interest is pretty slim.

And for guys that I meet for the first time, I guess new discoveries scare me. If these new guys happen to be one of those I feel that I can fall in love with, it might take me a while to feel comfortable and be able to consider a future. So I guess that's also why these guys tend to be my guy friends. I guess my timing is just different from most guy's timings. In my experience, these new guys tend to move on if it looks like I'm not interested.

I guess these are the reasons I still haven't found someone I love to love me back.

Sorry for blabbing. I feel like I'm writing a diary here. :p

[say cheese]

Like the guys who like you. It makes things a lot easier.

[honeymustard]

Like I said, the guys that like me are either guys that I feel like I can't fall in love with, or guys I have just met with all those questions and fears running through my head.

Becoming friends with the guy first without even thinking of the possibility of going out with them makes it easier for me to fall in love with him. I guess it's what they say... something about the heart grows fonder (I can't remember the exact words of the saying). But once we're in the "friend zone", it's hard to get into the "romantic/love zone" because the guy only sees you as a friend and nothing more.

I guess I need to be patient and I have 2 options: force myself to give the guys who like me a chance... or just wait for a guy friend to like me back.

[talaniman]

I think your just like the rest of us, always seeking, always searching. Be patient and be your own happy self, there is no hurry and things will happen when they happen. Enjoy what your doing and do what makes you happy. Someone will want to share it with you, when they find you.

[Jiser]

Just be happy and independent.

[George_1950]

I think you are describing something for which you need assistance; perhaps a trusted, more experienced female friend, or a psychologist or psychiatrist. I could tell you to get a new look and a new fragrance; and smile a lot more, especially at guys. But I don't think that is what you are writing about.

[aiyerrc]

U say you "feel" like you can't fall in love with the one you like. Half the reason I like some of the girls that liked me is just because of the fact that they do! U can't determine if you can "feel falling in love with someone unless you spend time with that person and give it a chance. You have to take chances to get what you want. Less questions, less hesitation, a few more risks, go out on a limb, and you will find what your looking for!

[honeymustard]

u say u "feel" like you can't fall in love with the one you like. half the reason i like some of the girls that liked me is just bc of the fact that they do! u can't determine if u can "feel falling in love with someone unless you spend time with that person and give it a chance. you have to take chances to get what you want. less questions, less hesitation, a few more risks, go out on a limb, and you will find what your looking for!!

Just wanted to clarify... I said I "feel" like I can't fall in love with the ones who like me... and I think this is what you meant to type... but thank you for your advice!

[MissingHim2Much]

I've never dated.. Or what people would consider dating. I've only ever gotten involved with guys I've known for long periods. The thought of going on a date with someone I don't know scares the bageeezas out of me. In my experience men that are friends also always think about woman friends romanticly at one point or another even if they are just friends... Try innocent flirting with your guy friends and the light bulb will go off in his head eventually... Has always worked for me.

[honeymustard]

I've never dated..Or what people would consider dating. I've only ever gotten involved with guys i've known for long periods of time. The thought of going on a date with someone I don't know scares the bageeezas outta me. In my experience men that are friends also always think about woman friends romanticly at one point or another even if they are just friends...Try innocent flirting with your guy friends and the light bulb will go off in his head eventually...Has always worked for me.

So far, it hasn't worked for me at all. The failure rate has been 100%. I've told 4 guy friends that I liked them and tried to drop hints on a few others. The result has always been painful. I don't think I can ever tell another guy that I like them. Although they wouldn't know about my past experiences, it makes me feel like I fall in love too hard too easily.

And the hard part is, my girlfriends seem to like the guy friends that I like too. Or maybe I notice that they are flirting with the guys only because I've developed an interest in the guy so I wasn't aware of it before. Or maybe my girlfriends have suddenly up'ed their game because they notice that I like the guy too. I know it's just a fact of life that there's competition everywhere, but it hurts to watch my girlfriends flirt with the guys I like. It hurts even more when one girl has flat out asked me if I like this guy and promised to help me shoo away all the girls for me and ended up shooing me away from him too!

Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. Maybe I should force myself to take this all lightly and just enjoy life. If the guy ends up liking my friend more, maybe he isn't the one for me and I should look elsewhere. But giving up on the guy isn't easy. It just sucks that no matter which guy I like, there's always competition and I'm tired of fighting for my guy. And if it's meant to be, I shouldn't have to fight for him right?

[MissingHim2Much]

Ok I think maybe the mistake is telling the guy you like him... If you are friends and you want it to be a more romantic thing I think you have to be less obvious. Flirting goes a lot further in making them notice you in a different way then straight up telling them how you feel. If you tell him you like him he will probably go straight to intellect and think she's my friend I can't go there. Flirting on the other hand may stir his hormones before he has a chance to think it through... Does that make sense?

[honeymustard]

Thanks Missing. Yes, it makes sense. But eventually, the guy should know? I guess if after a lot of flirting and his hormones still haven't started acting up yet, then maybe there's no point in telling him anyway?

The last time I told a guy was after 2 months of getting to know him better. Because of the perceived competition, I was dropping strong hints and flirting so much with him that it felt like I was making a fool of myself. Yes, I know that was already a huge mistake. But seeing that I was so miserable, all my friends told me to just tell him straight up -- that we're mature adults so we should be able to talk about these things, and that he should be able to handle it maturely. He didn't take it very well as he was still emotionally attached to his ex-gf. We still hang out together with our friends, but I'm aware that he's intentionally aware of my emotions. He flirts with the friend who promised me that she'd shoo all the girls away from him for me. But I guess that's the way he is -- he's always hanging around a bunch of girls so he feels like he's a girl around them. But he wouldn't flirt with me anymore, I guess he's afraid that I would take it the wrong way again. But it makes me feel sad that we aren't the way we used to be anymore.

The last guy before that, it took me many years before I told him (please see link below).
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nt-164705.html

Right now, I like this guy friend but I think another one of my girlfriend likes him too because she seems to be flirting with him a lot. These love triangles suck, especially since they are all friends.

I guess the lesson to be learned here, is to just be myself -- don't worry so much about competition and see flirting as some bubbly fun.

[talaniman]

I think it would help to stop hunting in a pack, and do something's alone. Get out and be around different people, and see if it brings different results. Get away from the group thing and find what your thing is.

[lavenderly]

How do people fall in love?

Well, like they say it, they just FALL in love. Can you plan when u want to take a fall? Can you force others to fall down and possibly get hurt?

Love comes when it is most unexpected. I used to think that whoever said this is silly, but now that I've experienced it myself, I know there is real gist behind the saying. Do not seek for love so desperately that u hinder love from finding you.

Just be yourself and be happy without depending on others for your happiness. When u can do this, u will radiate from within and attract the love u've always wanted.

[macman11393]

I think your just like the rest of us, always seeking, always searching. Be patient and be your own happy self, there is no hurry and things will happen when they happen. Enjoy what your doing and do what makes you happy. Someone will want to share it with you, when they find you.

I think everything he said is great and I agree with it all

[honeymustard]

Sometimes I really wonder if the saying is true... that there is a somebody for everybody, just be patient.

When I look around, there are many older individuals who are still single... is there REALLY a somebody for everybody?

It kind of scares me to know that I'm getting older as well... and I still haven't found that somebody yet... sigh...

[George_1950]

OK, honey, this is just for fun, but go do it (and smile): Flirting - Tests and Quizzes - Flirting Quiz - HOW to Flirt

[Simple Asian]

Likes the one that likes you.. dont like the one that don't like you back,.

Sometime it sad but it true

[nicespringgirl]

Just force on your personal goals, the rest will all come along...
Don't look too hard, let it happen naturally.:)

Tell yourself you don't need others to make your happy, that is YOUR choice to be happy, IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF! :)