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matt1231 · Nov 20, 2007, 12:19 AM

Instant Messaging
There's quite a few people on here that use it. So what is recommended for NC? For either good or bad terms? I want the ex back

>Buddy Delete - so I can't see them but they can see me and I LOOK AVAILABLE (I will continue to be myself and leave happy and content away messages :rolleyes:)

>Buddy Block - so they can't see me, I LOOK UNAVAILABLE and maybe potentially discover I have blocked them? :confused: I just always thought blocking someone was childish...

needofhelp · Nov 20, 2007, 01:33 AM

Looks like you've answered your own question. NC means you do not contact your ex. NC does not mean that it will get your Ex back. NC is a way for you to heal with minimal or no reminders of your Ex.

Seems like your Buddy Delete is the option you are leaning toward.

Good luck...

matt1231 · Nov 20, 2007, 01:39 PM

My ex won't give me closure. We broke up a few months ago and terms are a little shaky. I asked her to say she didn't love me anymore and that she never wanted to talk to me again. She said she didn't know and didn't know what to say. She might have said "you have no idea." I asked her if she hadn't met the person she was seeing, while we were apart, if she would come back. She said that she would come back and reconcile but she cant. She misses me but she is happy where she's at. What the heck!! Do some people get trapped into what they start -like rebounds? Why won't she end things with me? This is so much worse than rejection! I went nc for a few weeks now. I'm getting better but seriously why would she do this?

statictable · Nov 20, 2007, 05:35 PM

I know you're feeling like crap as you described that very well. A couple of things to think about; most of us hate ultimatums and if there consistently used within any relationship things will heat up. Your logic though clear may not be the tool of choice at this time. Try to remember she is feeling as much pain as you are but her sense of that discomfort is much different than yours. Why? Because she's not you. Best to wait until all feet are back on the ground.

Jason8676 · Nov 20, 2007, 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by matt1231

my ex wont give me closure. we broke up a few months ago and terms are a little shaky. i asked her to say she didnt love me anymore and that she never wanted to talk to me again. she said she didnt know and didnt know what to say. she might have said "you have no idea." I asked her if she hadnt met the person she was seeing, while we were apart, if she would come back. She said that she would come back and reconcile but she cant. she misses me but she is happy where shes at. What the heck!!? do some people get trapped into what they start -like rebounds? why wont she end things with me? this is soo much worse than rejection! i went nc for a few weeks now. im getting better but seriously why would she do this?

Hey,
I'm going through a similar situation with my ex. We haven't spoke since Sept. 4, and when she has called me she never left a message to inform me of her intentions. She never visits with me anymore and that was one thing she did on a regular basis when we were together. I posted several days ago(Is No-Contact Appropriate In This Situation With Ex-Girlfriend?) and from the replies I received, it is better to just leave her alone. If she halfway cared about you, she wouldn't put you through this BS. If your ex won't end it, be the man and end it by cutting her completely off-no cards, flowers, text messages, letters, calls etc. Contacting her will only cause more pain-put yourself first and forget about her. She is not worth it.

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2007, 09:50 PM

Why don't YOU put closure on it? You can, you know. You don't have to wait for her. Take control of the situation.

madaman · Nov 20, 2007, 10:28 PM

Yeah it really sounds like you are putting all the onus on her to 'end things'. Do you really need to hear the actual words? I think her actions should be clear enough. She isn't going to say what you want her to because then she would be losing her 'backup' plan by finalizing it.

You need to take the initiative and just close this chapter... 'closure' or not.

WhitePolish383 · Nov 20, 2007, 10:33 PM

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. It hurt a lot for me to make that decision and I still think about him everyday. He was my everything. I'm not sure how your ex feels, but if she feels in anyway the same as I do, I can tell you that she probably still has feelings for you. Maybe they just weren't as strong anymore I can't sit here and tell you for sure how she feels because I don't know her. She is probably just handling the situation in a different way. In my opinion, I think that it was out of line for you to ask her to say something like that to you. Even though she has broken up with you, doesn't mean she hates you and never wants to speak to you again. She may not be ready to talk to you yet. I can almost say for sure that is if she did tell you all those things you would still not find closer. The heart takes time to heal. Depending on the time frame and how strong of a relationship you two had together can determine this for some people. For some they will never find closer. Quote in quote, my final advice is just give eveything time. Although you may not need anymore, she might. If you are feeling brave and want to role up jeans and brace the waves, you might try calling and talking to her. I really hope everything works out for you. :)

matt1231 · Nov 22, 2007, 12:19 PM

We parted and she found someone almost immediately. She stays with them 4 days a week. She used to say she loved me, wanted to marry me and have kids and move in with me. Now when I ask her if she could come back to me she says she is "content" in her current relationship. What do I do to bring her back? nc or do i remain a friend? she says she still loves me, misses me and would come back to me. I love her so much. What do I do? I mean she won't meet me because she says its not fair to him but last night (I broke nc) we talked for 3 hour and we had a good time. (Before that we haven't talked in weeks!) should I regain her affection with attraction over the phone?

starcrush · Nov 22, 2007, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by matt1231

we parted and she found someone almost immediately. she stays with them 4 days a week. she used to say she loved me and wanted to marry me. Now when i ask her if she could come back to me she says she is "content" in her current relationship. what do i do to bring her back? nc or do i remain a friend? she says she still loves me, misses me and would come back to me. i love her soo much. what do i do? I mean she wont meet me because she says its not fair to him but last night (i broke nc) we talked for 3 hour and we had a good time. (Before that we havent talked in weeks!) should i try to win her over with attraction over the phone?

I don't think her feelings was very real for you

Fr_Chuck · Nov 22, 2007, 12:47 PM

Let me see she is staying with him so many days a week?

It sounds like he is having her cake and the other desert also. Making sure you are miserable while having the time of her life.

NC is NC for a reason to get you over it, if you don't, you will never get over it and feel this bad forever.