[needofhelp]

The ex imed me after 4 weeks of no electronic communication and 2 weeks of verbal communication.. we have class together so we make small talk in class when need be. I did not respond to her. She asked how I was doing and what I've been up to. It caught me off guard since this sounds like small talk that we could have in class. I don't enjoy the small talk because I think its out of politeness. Should I not respond, knowing well that I will see her in class?

[Wondergirl]

Hmmmm, I think I would not respond. She dumped you, right? Romance counselors and life coaches are saying it would be very unusual to recapture what you two had, so move forward with your life. I would think it would be hard to be friends too.

[needofhelp]

Yes, she left me. I did not respond, but want to know why she would I'm me. She can make that small talk in class. Im trying not to make a big deal about it since if it was important she could call me. Im moving on, and its been a hard road. I was hoping if anyone would have an idea why she would I'm me. I should just forget it and see what happens in class?

[Wondergirl]

I'm a female. Females can't let go even if they are the dumpers. They realize there's an emotional connection even with the exes they didn't get along with much less the ones they loved, so it's hard to completely cut off contact. There will always be a piece of you in her heart and it's so very hard to say goodbye even if she's the one pushing you out the door. That's why she IMed you. She wants to let go but can't completely.

[needofhelp]

I was doing no contact except in person for the above reasons. One time she mentioned that I look like I was doing well. How can she expect me to be OK or doing well after what happened. Can this be clueless, or think that she didn't mean anything to me? Maybe I didn't mean much to her, and she moved on, but I just don't get it. How can we be on speaking terms like casual acquaintances?

[Wondergirl]

She WANTS you to do well sort of, but she really wants to hear that you are miserable without her. She doesn't want you to be OK. She wants you to be crying your eyes out and staring out the window thinking of her all day and all night. She KNOWS she meant something to you. You meant something to her too. Sometimes, and I was guilty of this, a girl will break up first, thinking the guy is going to dump her eventually anyway so she would rather have control of who dumps who and when. Or maybe she found someone else whom she wants to get to know better and she can't do that as long as she's with YOU. It's very complicated emotionally. And she thinks you two can be friends now and on regular speaking terms, but it doesn't work that way. You will then try to get her back and will tell her how much you miss her and want her, and that will be buying into her inability to let you go and move on with your life.

[br_hjs]

If you left her then I would say to talk to her a little bit to make her feel better but if she left you then if she just wants to talk a little bit and you don't want to, don't.

[needofhelp]

I know she wants to and is meeting new people (males) and I suppose it's human nature to want to see the person you dumped in shambles because it boosts your ego a bit. I don't want to be checked in on, knowing that she's with someone else. It just feels wrong that she makes small talk and does not truly know how I am feeling. It's like cutting me and coming back to rub salt in my wound.

2 weeks ago, I would have given it a second chance, but I don't want to get back with her. The trust has been broken and my it would reverse my healing process.

[br_hjs]

If she's talking to other guys now like that and if she's dating them or anything, then please find someone else. Don't worry about her or anything. She isn't worth it. She left you and she chose to do everything she's doing. And I know how sad it can be for you but I don't know exactly if you are really sad or not... some people can handle it and some have a tough time with it. But I hope you can find someone else and just forget about her. You can be happy . And hopefully she'll be happy with someone else and you can both just go your own seprate ways.

[br_hjs]

But you need to start ignoring her if she IM's you or anything.. And if she asks why your ignoring her just tell her the truth so she can leave you alone... unless she's one of those people that won't leave you alone and all that then just keep ignoring her

[Diamondstar03]

needofhelp, I know your pain man. It has been 3 weeks since I have had reply contact with my ex. Her last text was 4 days ago and I had not replyed to any of them for a week and a half. She hurt me so bad and expects me to let her still have control of me while she messes with my mind and knows she is doing it. Forget that crap. I will not even acknowledge she exists. There was no reason for the way she has done me. So I know how you feel man, and like Wondergirl said, she wants you to be sad. I know mine does. I will not even give her the satisfaction to know ANYTHING now. I would like to believe Wondergirl's statement about how girls that dump guys feel I wish I knew if she really did care, she can't let go? That is what she wanted and now she has been the only one to contact me for 3 weeks. I think I deserve better than to play games with the way girls do the dumping. It just hurts too bad. I am one of the ones that doesn't deal with it well, I have been WAY too emotional about it all, but I will never let anyone see it. I will just keep it to myself. I hope I feel better as the days go on, and I hope you feel better soon too since your class must be over soon and then you don't have to see her anymore. Keep being strong!!

[needofhelp]

It's been hard for me and I've just started making some progress. It's odd that people want to know how you are doing, or how bad you are doing. It's cruel in a way because why ask when you don't care. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing anything about my life. It was obvious she didn't want to be apart of my life, so don't ask.

Diamondstar03, we all feel that we have been wronged, and everyone deserves better. This point going forward, we all must know that we deserve better. We are caring people, why else are we on this board. It's OK to be emotional, but it's good that are able to say that you have been TOO emotional. Recognize that and use that to stay strong and keep yourself moving forward. One day we will look back and ask why was I so distraught and have a laugh.

The semester is almost over, but it's not coming soon enough. I'm hanging in there and trying to keep strong.

[ashleynbrett88]

The ex imed me after 4 weeks of no electronic communication and 2 weeks of verbal communication..we have class together so we make small talk in class when need be. I did not respond to her. She asked how I was doing and what I've been up to. It caught me off guard since this sounds like small talk that we could have in class. I don't enjoy the small talk because I think its out of politeness. Should I not respond, knowing well that I will see her in class?

Yes, who cares if she says something to you in class ignore her in there too. Now I don't know the story behind yall's break up but if she was the one who did something wrong and hurt you and you don't want to talk to her anymore well then don't Eventually she will take a hint and hopefully a hike as well.

[Diamondstar03]

Diamondstar03, we all feel that we have been wronged, and everyone deserves better. This point going forward, we all must know that we deserve better. We are caring people, why else are we on this board. It's OK to be emotional, but it's good that are able to say that you have been TOO emotional. Recognize that and use that to stay strong and keep yourself moving forward. One day we will look back and ask why was I so distraught and have a laugh.

Hey Needofhelp, I am trying to stay strong. I do know however it is not all her fault. I had my mistakes I made to make the relationship breakup, however I would have not taken it to this extreme its just cruel. I am a sensitive man and even one day looking back on this I will never have a laugh. I just won't acknowledge it. I am that upset with the situation that I didn't deserve but will not stoop to her level and be mean. I am just going to be indifferent and worry about me. That is all I can do, I hope you are going to be able to hang in there to. Stay strong my man!!

[needofhelp]

I'm continuing the no contact thing, its actually not that hard. There's nothing really that we would would talk about. Plus she's with someone else and that shows me the type of person she is.

Lately, some memories still creep in and get me depressed and lonely. This just doesn't feel right. In a way I want her back, but I know that she's not the one I once loved. I'm trying to be at peace, and it's hard... getting rid of all of the memories is challenging, and I don't want to live in the past.

I'm not sure what stage you would call this.

[jolienoire]

I'm continuing the no contact thing, its actually not that hard. There's nothing really that we would would talk about. Plus she's with someone else and that shows me the type of person she is.

Lately, some memories still creep in and get me depressed and lonely. This just doesn't feel right. In a way I want her back, but I know that she's not the one I once loved. I'm trying to be at peace, and it's hard...getting rid of all of the memories is challenging, and I don't want to live in the past.

I'm not sure what stage you would call this.

Of course you will have memories, but those are far behind what she once was she is no longer... Being lonely is a temporary feeling usually from being bored, hell you could be lonely even being in a relationship with someone.. Continue the NC and forget about her.. You don't have to get rid of the memories, This is what makes us stronger.. This relationship was a lesson and you will have more to prepare you for this wonderful journey called LIFE,. keep living and keep smiling... someone will fall in love with you again. THis time you will be prepared..

[enigmagnetic]

I'm continuing the no contact thing, its actually not that hard. There's nothing really that we would would talk about. Plus she's with someone else and that shows me the type of person she is.

Lately, some memories still creep in and get me depressed and lonely. This just doesn't feel right. In a way I want her back, but I know that she's not the one I once loved. I'm trying to be at peace, and it's hard...getting rid of all of the memories is challenging, and I don't want to live in the past.

I'm not sure what stage you would call this.

You know I really can relate to how you're feeling. Don't focus on what stage your on and where you are "supposed to be". Everyone's different. It isn't hard if you stay busy. The busier you are the less difficult it becomes. Especially over time. I started running and hiking it would take up loads of time. I remember when I first got through 5 miles of running without being winded for the first time since I was a teenager. It felt like a huge rush and for that whole day I didn't even think about my ex. I realized it the next day. I got through a whole day without thinking of her. Now it's less and less. When I have memories of her I immediately try and think of things that make me happy. Positive things in my life. Like my job or being in shape, or how I've picked up the guitar. It really does dull memories of her. You're on your way. You're beginning to accept it. Good luck.

[needofhelp]

My ex called, but I missed it. She then emails me and says I did it on purpose. Then goes on to saying that I'm thought of everyday, but not the old way, and she's not dating anyone in particular. Then goes to saying that I can't avoid her all the time. To wrap it up she says that she just wanted to see how I am. What should I make of this? HOw do I reply?

[needofhelp]

Ex keeps asking how I'm doing. I haven't answered. Is she asking because she wants to know Im doing horrible to make her feel better? B/C she wants to know if I'm doing horrible like she is, and may regret the break up? Why does she want to know? She says that I look like I'm good, but wants to hear it from me. Why? How should I answer