[dcutaia]

I am in a marriage that the sex has kind of dried up emotionally. We still have occasional sex but afterwards I feel dis-satisfied. She is 51 and off the pill so I have to wear a rubber. I am 41 and think if I loss weight there might be another woman out there for me. I'm not sure If I love her anymore. If I do divorce her I will feel lonely until I meet someone new. Has anyone else been at a crossroads in their life. Where one fork leans towards a life of continuing ignorance or the other fork towards the unknown. Which path should I take? How do you know when love is gone. For me, it is uncertain love.

DAC

[J_9]

You are a very very selfish man. The only reason sex "dried up" was because she came off the pill for medical reasons and you are too selfish to get fixed or wear a condom.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...me-147430.html

Divorce her, you don't deserve her, she's so much better than you. You're don't love her because she won't go back on the pill (which she shouldn't, and she won't do anal).

Is your penis that important to you?

[peggyhill]

I wonder if you ever were in love with your wife if you are seriously considering leaving her because the sex is not as good for you as before. Maybe some counseling will help you get your priorities straight. As far as finding someone new goes- I think you will have to lose the selfish attitude toward sex, not just the weight. What if you developed erectile disfunction and your wife left you over sex? How would you feel? If you truly feel this way about it, leave the marriage. She deserves better than you. You might find someone willing to hook up, but I doubt anyone will want a relationship with you, if continue thinking with that part of your anatomy.

[shygrneyzs]

My question to you - did you ever move out of MN and move to California? What all happened with that? If you are still in MN, could your feelings for your wife now be tied into staying in MN? She is 10 years older than you. She is not out of her prime and neither are you.

You asked about losing weight. Lose some weight, but not to attract a sexual partner. Do it for your health and well being. Perhaps your outlook in the marriage will be for the better. You will feel better at least.

Before you jump over that crossroads you are talking about, have you talked to your wife about going to couples counseling? Tell the therapist what you feel and you will hear from that person that you are being selfish, as far as your wife is concerned. To expect her to continue the pill so that you do not have to use a condom is very selfish of you.

[N0help4u]

Love is about commitment and not the school kid mushy gush feelings.
You can leave if you are that dissatisfied but I am warning you ahead of time there really ain't nothing out here in the singles world but a bunch of superficial people. How many girls do you think you will go through before you change your mind and want her back.
Once you find out the grass ain't greener and want her back you may have made an empty bed for yourself cause she might not want you back.
Your alternative is take the initiative to put the spice back in your marriage.

[RubyPitbull]

Wow DAC. I was just reading through all of your posts and there is so much more going on with you than just your sex life with your wife. I think Shy has hit on it with the MN & CA move. Did you ever go to CA to look around? I am wondering how well you would do with job interviews. You say that you freeze up when dealing with clients. Are you sure that won't carry over to your interviews. California is very different from most other states. Business dealings are totally cut throat and there are a lot of phony people out there. If you don't have "the look" or the money, you will be stepped on or ignored. The computer industry is particularly difficult. There are lots of programmers there vying for the higher positions. It is a very fast paced environment. Do you think you can cut it in a high powered world like that?

Something is driving you to search out a different life. What is going on? Are you feeling as if you are missing out on something? Do you feel as if your life is passing you by? Dude, it sounds like you are going through some sort of mid-life crisis. I think it would be a very good idea for you to find a counselor to speak with. You might want to seek out a marriage counselor and go alone. Later if you feel that you want your wife to join you, you can. A marriage counselor deals with sexual issues and knows how to help you to figure out what direction you want to go in. He/she will be able to give you advice on what you need to do if you want to move to another state. Here is a link to help you get started. The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory I strongly urge you to do this for yourself. You are not going to find the answers or help you are looking for on this web site.

[dcutaia]

OK, I was feeling kind of down on myself today and your answers brought me back to my senses. Thanks everyone. I guess I will have to enjoy sex with a condom for a while longer until she goes through menopause.

Thanks to everyone who reply.

DAC

[RubyPitbull]

dcutaia, did you read my post above yours? I think you really need to find someone to talk with. You need to figure out why you are feeling the way you are and find some positive way to deal with it. You don't need to be going through these ups and downs. You can find some happy middle ground here if you are willing to try.

[shygrneyzs]

Man oh man, you are not up to speed on what you should consider. Please get into some couples counseling - if not for the marriage, for yourself, so that you can be a better partner in the marriage and feel more human. So now you are going to martyr yourself to wearing a condom - rolls my eyes - wake up. Go and talk to your doctor about the vasectomy. It will not rob you of any manhood - you already have robbed your manhood by your own behavior, from reading all your posts.

Did you make the move to California? If not, are you still resentful to your wife?