[Shenjo]

OK October 21st I blew up on my exgf who I had dated for little over a month, and I said some nasty things as well as scared her completely and upseted her as well. Now I feel bad for this and said I was sorry numerous times, I was fustrated due to every one of her friends had told me a different story and I just snaped w/o meaning to on her. Now today on October 24 she told me there no chance of me and her getting back together, and that the real reason she dumped me was because she couldn't find that "click". And from what she said the only reason she doesn't want to give a second chance anymore is because I really scared her and upseted her that much so she just outright said no second chance and that she doesn't love me anymore. Think what she's saying is true? Or that she's scared or what?

[PrettyLady]

I was in an abusive relationship once. My ex-boyfriend was the jealous type, he use to get mad and slap me when guys looked at me or tried to flirt with me. He made it seem like it was my fault that guys looked at me, but I knew he was the one with the problem. One day I got tired of his behavior and walked away from the relationship. Verbal abuse is equally damaging, however, I know that you didn't mean to say those things to hurt her. A relationship is suppose to be based on trust and loyalty, if there's no trust then it isn't meant to be. When someone is verbally abused, they will feel upset and will not want to pursue the relationship any longer. She might be scared of you, or she has fallen out of love with you. You must learn to control your anger, if you get mad at someone, take sometime to relax, before you approach the situation. Because nothing good ever comes from anger. If you still love this girl, give her some time to breathe. If she doesn't forgive you or take you back, then you have to move on and learn from your mistakes.

[fredg]

Hi,
PrettynPetite has some very good comments.
Being an older man married for 28 yrs, I do know what anger, saying things one might not really mean, can do to a relationship. It takes some time for things to "cool off", even with someone you really love, respect, and care for.
You say you have been going with this girl for 30 days? I am sure you and she really don't know everything about each other in just that short of time.
She could be telling you the truth about not "clicking" with you, and you also could be making a true assumption that she is now afraid of you.
The only thing you can do is to wait. You have apologized, said you are sorry, and that's all you can do right now. The next move, if any, is up to her.
If she wants to come back to you later, she will let you know. But, if not, then try meeting new people, talking with them, and I know you will find someone else.
I do wish you the best of luck.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - you're blowing up on her after a month? Not good. You're supposed to be the fun guy her.

Of course she doesn't want anything to do with you.

I would go see atherapist.

PrettynPetite1 - WHY would you ever put up wit ha guy hitting you once?

[PrettyLady]

Hi,
PrettynPetite has some very good comments.
Being an older man married for 28 yrs, I do know what anger, saying things one might not really mean, can do to a relationship. It takes some time for things to "cool off", even with someone you really love, respect, and care for.
You say you have been going with this girl for 30 days?? I am sure you and she really don't know everything about each other in just that short of time.
She could be telling you the truth about not "clicking" with you, and you also could be making a true assumption that she is now afraid of you.
The only thing you can do is to wait. You have apologized, said you are sorry, and that's all you can do right now. The next move, if any, is up to her.
If she wants to come back to you later, she will let you know. But, if not, then try meeting new people, talking with them, and I know you will find someone else.
I do wish you the best of luck.

Thank you, fredg. You gave some great comments yourself.

Wildcat21, Shenjo doesn't need therapy, he's human, and humans will express their emotions. He knew what he did was wrong and it took a lot of courage for him to come here to ask for advice.

As for why I've put up with my ex-boyfriend's abuse, that's a good question. I was naïve and I thought he would stop getting jealous every time a guy looked at me. Therefore, I started to dress and look a certain way to please him, however, he grew more aggressive. Then, I realized that he wasn't going to change, so I walked away from the relationship.

If anyone is in an abusive relationship, I strongly advise you to leave the person that's abusing you. Because once they hit you, they will do it again and again. And don't think you can change them, you will only end up getting hurt. There's so many decent people out there. Eventually, you'll find someone that will treat you good. I'm now dating a great guy and he doesn't get mad when guys flirt with me.

[s_cianci]

Losing your temper is never a good thing. She probably is scared at this point and I can't honestly say I blame her. Verbal abuse almost always leads to physical abuse and any prudent female is going to take whatever steps are necessary to protect herself from ever getting in such a situation. I think that you have some emotional issues that you need to confront before you can ever hope to have a successful relationship with anyone. Talk with a counselor or therapist who can help you deal with these issues and lead you on the path to building healthy relationships with people.

[s_cianci]

Wildcat21, Shenjo doesn't need therapy, he's human, and humans will express their emotions.

PrettynPetite, I have to disagree with you on this one. Shenjo does need therapy. To say that "he's human and humans will express their emotions" only enables such behavior. You of all people should know that, having been in an abusive relationship yourself. If he got so angry with his girlfriend that he actually frightened her, then he did a lot more than "just express his emotions." Although posting in this forum may have been a step in the right direction as you suggest, he needs to go further and seek professional help. He will never be happyor be able to make anyone else happy until he does.

[Shenjo]

PrettynPetite, I have to disagree with you on this one. Shenjo does need therapy. To say that "he's human and humans will express their emotions" only enables such behavior. You of all people should know that, having been in an abusive relationship yourself. If he got so angry with his girlfriend that he actually frightened her, then he did a lot more than "just express his emotions." Although posting in this forum may have been a step in the right direction as you suggest, he needs to go further and seek professional help. He will never be happyor be able to make anyone else happy until he does.

Sorry to say no I don't need professional help on my anger, if you had 20 warped stories why the girl dumped you then you'd proboly get a little pissy as well. And that's the professional who I went and saw for a issue that had to do with life said. Sorry if I'm sounding like a A** there but it's true.

Right now the exgf is freaking out every time someone tells her I have a girlfriend, and when someone told her the wrong information and said I was dateing her bestfriend(which I wasn't) she had enough nerve to say her best friend was out of my league though me and her best friend laughed. Everyone keeps saying that she does this when things get to good for her or she finds a guy that'll emotionaly hurt her and that way she's prepared for it. Now she spews on about how I Lied to her when I gave her the Jist of what I did in the military(because I have bad memories of it and I really don't want to talk about it) and I don't think I lied when I told her the jist of the job, I thought if I told her what I really did she'd proboly run of though now she said if I told her she wouldn't have cared, though I did care that I told her she's not like it.

[Wildcat21]

Yes - you need help. You're losing your temper after only being with a gal for 1 month? You don't get it.

After 4 months you don't even know that person.

[lylcoop]

Yes I think she's scared. Did you hit her when you blew up, or just snap yelling etc... not that that makes a difference.
Did you even ask her about what her friends were saying, or did you keep all of it to yourself until you were confused and frustrated and then took it out on her?

Petite is correct, it is a matter of trust. Maybe she feels she can't trust you.
Maybe, she feels that since you obviously don't trust her, than you aren't the kind of guy she at first thought you were. We are all on our best behavior at first, but after the "honeymoon" is over our true colors come out, and we start being our true selves.

Maybe, you really are a good person and she is untrustworthy, and you deep inside didn't want to acknowledge this and you let it build up until you couldn't take it anymore. Only you know. And if this is the case, I say follow your gut instinct. Not your thoughts. Follow your gut, and you'll know.

If you have an anger problem, and reacted wrong to what her friends were saying, and now she doesn't want you than you blew it. And you will keep on blowing it until you learn to deal with WHY you get so mad. Either way good luck, I hope it works out...

lylcoop

[JoeCanada76]

After ONE MONTH,

Sorry to say this but love and growth of a relationship takes longer then a month. If I were you I would stay away and move on. She probably did not really care for you in the first place. Her friends sound like they were messing with you for a reason. Because she wanted them to help her with getting you to leave her. Do not worry about it sounds like the wrong person for you and as the old saying goes. "There are plenty of fish in the sea".

Joe