[Miner1288]

Very good stuff, thanks for the advice. The reason I made the call to begin with is because I was beating myself up thinking I didn't work at the Long distance part hard enough. I felt better after at least making an attempt. I also wanted to make sure I knew why we were breaking up. I really think this is more of a situational thing, not a loss of interest. She needs some time apart before she decides how to proceed. That sounds incredibly pathetic, but I suppose that could be good or bad, but if she flat out didn't feel like dating anymore I wouldn't have a play at all.

I suppose I shouldn't even touch the jelousy stuff? (asking her about her life, telling her about mine, etc.) That probably goes w/o saying if I am going to act busy and uninterested. I just have a hard time being patient, but it sounds like that is my only option. I am having a hard time as well because I am a fairly social guy from KC in a small Iowa town where there is nothing to do. I'll just have to get creative. One thing I will say that I'm sure many will attest to. It is a hell of a lot easier to workout after a breakup. Seems like everysong on the iPod was written for this situation. I worked out for 2 1/2 hours today and it felt like 30 minutes. I suppose that is as good a way as any to pass the time. Anyway, thanks again. Drop a line if you have anything more.

[Miner1288]

Ok, Wildcat I just read your second post. I will respond:

3 1/2 years ending at the drop of a hat will make anyone a little nuts for a few days at least. You were wrong on just about every point in the second reply. Thanks for the effort and I can definitely see where you are getting it from considering you have nothing to go on, but these posts. Lost puppy - no. missed out on friends - definitely not. I see where you are getting at.

As far as getting rid of a plane ticket to Las Vegas for New Year's eve, that could be a little difficult to pass up. I will probably bring friends out there and I think we could probably find something to do if things don't work out. Her seeing me in person is not a bad thing especially if I play it right and not allow it to turn into a "friend zone" trip. I have been through a breakup with her before, but I did the break up. I played it well that time and things worked themselves out. This is definitely different though. Before we were in school and we could see each other with other guys/girls and it drove us both crazy until we finally got back together.

[smitty11]

I must say, I didn't think someone would come in and take over my post but it sounds to me like you need it and we need to hang out. Man I know exactly what you are going through, except the distance is a big difference in my situation. I at least have the luxury of driving there in like 45 minutes. It has been almost 3 weeks since my girlfriend and I have taken a break and I can say that the advice that these good people have given me, for the most part has been spot on. My girlfriend said she needed to have a life away from me basically, and for awhile at least, without me. Pretty hard to swallow I know, my stomach knotted up for like a week. The hardest thing in the world to do for me was to not call her when we had our set time to talk every day. But I hung in there and stayed strong, thank God for football and 3 hour practices. But I worked out extra, went out with friends, and had as much fun as I could. Yeah I thought about her and wondered what she was doing, that's going to happen, but don't let it get the best of you. I didn't talk to her for 2 and a half weeks. Didn't think I had it in me to be honest. Guess what though, we went to dinner 2 nights ago after she called and said that she really wanted to see me and it was amazing. We talked about things and I was finally able to understand what she is needing and what she needs from me. Once she saw me it was like she didn't want me to go. The hardest part of this for me was when I made the decision before I saw her, that no matter what I was leaving after dinner and she asked me to stay with her. I walked her to her door and kissed her on the cheek and said goodnight. No I love you's or anything. She has called every day now and even though she still needs time right now we are at least talking and progressively headed back to that amazing love that we shared before. Just remember its not going to happen over night.

My advice to you my friend, when you think that you have to talk to her or hear her voice, you really don't! Its tough, but anything that is that good isn't easy and it can be done. Stick with working out, best stress reliever known to man, and those ipods come in quite handy. But don't listen to those songs that talk about losing someone or heartache. Keep things positive and upbeat, enjoy being with your friends. If your anything like me, you let your lady take up most of your time and left very little with your friends. Its time to make that lost time up to your boys. Good luck bud

[Miner1288]

That is great news. Congrats on being strong and leaving, I've been there too. Sometimes I've been strong and did what you did and other times, well... we won't get into to those times. Interesting coincidence, I played football for four years, with smitty as a nickname. Those football practices are definitely great to get your mind off things. No choice really, you start moping about girls on the football field, you are in big trouble. Weird, this the first search I did and your post pops up.

I'm going to try my best on this to cut communication. It is going to be tough considering she is in Las Vegas and I am in Iowa. Its very easy for my mind to wander and probably a lot easy for her to stay occupied. But that's the hand I'm dealt so no point complaining about it.

I'm going to KU (Lawrence, KS) tonight for the weekend. My friends are throwing a party. If the sorority women of Kansas University don't put my mind at ease nothing will. I broke an impressive streak of not speaking to her last night, so that's a start. I already feel so much better than I did earlier in the week. Well, take care, and best of luck making things work.

[Wildcat21]

Sorry for the tough love - BUT, I want you to change yesterday. I want you face the reality of what is happening here. This is no flowery plan to happiness in a relationship.

You turned her off - she wants a man and bet a lot of money you've been the SOFT, sensitive guy - because you THINK that's what she wants - nope!!

Most women want the Marlboro man - not her gay friend.

[Wildcat21]

I now it's hard to admit - Miner - but I am sure you did those things.

I know about 99% of the time why women leave.

[Wildcat21]

Smitty my man!!

"I walked her to her door and kissed her on the cheek and said goodnight. No I love you's or anything."

AWESOME!! JUST AWESOME!!

Re-building attraction.

No I love you's for A LONG time. You sholdn't say them a lot to begin with.

[talaniman]

You need to get a life and enjoy your youth.Everybody changes and grows.You can waste your time wondering and hoping or you can explore this big old world and find your place in it.Get busy if you are meant to have it you will get it.

[Wildcat21]

Yeah that's good advice. Nope. Just blow off a woman he loves. No way. Terrible advice.

You're handling it right Smitty - this is a marathon. Take your time. Make her chase you.

[talaniman]

Love is a two way street ,not a marathon .Trying to convince someone that you're the one might make her feel good but you'll regret wasting time while someone else thinks about it.How about this,work on yourself and get your act together and let people get themselves together before you make the mistake all youthfull in love people make babies and divorce then everyone ends up miserable.

[Wildcat21]

Sorry talaniman, your advice sucks. Not real world. People would be very lonely if they listened to you. These are RELATIONSHIPS, not dating. People have to learn how they work, improve, change, work to learn and deal with people. Relationships aren't easy. You'll never be in one with that attitude.

[talaniman]

After a lot of girlfriends ,30 years of marriage ,2 kid and, 5 grans iIhave seen and done a lot. Some relationships make you better some don't.Some are poison from the get go, but we are sooo in love that we don't see things clearly.If people are so in love why do most of them end up hating each other?come on at 22 most of us haven't got a clue about love we just know we want her.Any relationship should bring joy as well as pain. Both of you have to be committed to the process and whatever it brings for you both to be happy and fulfilled that's why I say enjoy your youth and work on yourself so when the time comes at least you can bring something to the table We all walk through life at are own pace take care of yourself first or you can never take care of someone else.

[Wildcat21]

Yeah, 30 years of marriage - yep - you know the dating scene today. Nope. Lots changed in 30 years - women are completely empowered.

And you have to work on relationships - not just give up - as long there was no cheating, abuse, lies.

[thomas27]

Wildcat is right again... a lot has changed. Women are going out of their minds compared to "back in the day".

[Wildcat21]

Yep - that's a good way to put it.

They flirt more than ever. The clothes reveal more. They hook up with more than one guy. The act like guys more than ever.

Guys have to be more confident and in control and a challenge more than ever. AND these days women say they prefer certain things - but it doesn't matter - they REACT on their feelings more than ever.

[talaniman]

I had my fun I hope you enjoy yourself as much as I did-go for what you know

[Katiy]

With your schedule, I'm surprised you have accomplished as much as you have. It's very difficult for you to keep up with what you have going on. There are some men that are available, if you are the one willing to do all the work. If you think it's bad now, it's worse when you become a pro football player. My friend dated one, and split because, she was doing all the work. There are some women that will like doing all the work to be with you. Just make it clear, you are a lot of work. Besides which, she has a lot of interns to contend with. Don't rob her of that. People meet up again in the future, and if it wasn't so bad in the past, it begins again even better.

[expertinlove]

Well this is deff. A difficult situation. Because none of us know what she is feeling or why she is wanting to take a break. Id say give the girl some space. Let her see what she what she wants, and what she is looking for in life. Sometimes we all need our space. Maybe she really doesn't want to break up, She just needs time to think. Getting engaged is one step closer to a life long commitment so maybe she's needs time to think about it all. Commitment is a big step and its not as easy for some people. Im sure it doesn't mean she wants to meet new people or anything it just means she needs to make sure this is what she really wants. After all being committed to somebody and being married isn't easy. Maybe she's just not quite ready.
Hope I could help.

[Toomai]

Wow, I'm glad I found this! My girlfriend of almost two years has also said to me that she needs "space". She also told me that she will never love anyone like she loves me but right now she thinks time to herself would help us out a lot. She feels "cornered" and "constricted". We love each other very much, but I find it SO hard not to talk to her. Right now we're on day #1. I'm feeling very sad right now; I hope everything will be OK.

[talaniman]

If you have read this thread through and thought about it every thing probably will be all right.