[letmeno]

I am engaged to be married in may of 06' to the father of my son. We have been together for 4 years, and I am in love with him.

The problem is that when I was pregnant with our son, he cheated on me. He asked for another chance, I gave him one, this was my fault because I had never forgiven him. I have reason to believe that he is still seeing this but he won't 'fess up to it. I can't prove it, I have never seen anything out of the ordinary. Women's intuition I guess. :confused:

To add insult to injury, he's never home and I had been feeling neglected and lonely. So about a year ago, I started having an affair with another man. It initially was meant to be some type of revenge thing, but the sex was so incredible with this guy! Ladies, ladies, ladies. This guy would not let me leave until I achieved SIX orgasms. This was not a one time thing, I would have no less than 4 to 5 orgasms a night. He had sexually taken me places that I had never been before. One night, I went to see the other man and there was another girl there. I was extremely uncomfortable about it and didn't want any parts of this freaky . Well... one thing led to another and I ended up having a treesome with him and this other girl. I am ashamed to admit that this was the most mind blowing sexual encounter that I have ever had in my life. :eek:

To make a long story short, My fiancé has made a 360 degree turn at home,and we are more happy now than ever. But this encounter keeps replaying in my mind. I don't see the other guy anymore but we do speak from time to time. How can I marry this man knowing that another man has sexually fulfilled me. I guess that I don't feel guilty because after all, he cheated on me first. But I do still have the urge to see the other guy and do the 3 way again. What should I do? :confused:

[Wildcat21]

Hey Letmeno, I know you're really smart about these things. You women go by your gut instancts and usually are right.

Unfortunately - I tned to go with 'once a chaeter, always a cheater'.

You made me pretty excited though over your encounter.

I really don't think the two of you should get married. You both cheated on each other.

But, That said - WHY can't woman communicate their sexual needs to their partner?? Why can't you tell your fiancé this?? Why?? Talk to your fiancé. If he doesn't fulfill you sexual then you either need to talk or break the engagemnent.

BUT, remember your son!

You won't ever have a healthy relationship with the other guy - if he so advanced where he is doing 3 ways then he most see a lot other woman = disese and other stuff.

[letmeno]

First of all, I want to say that I have not only one intention of being with this other guy period. If my and my fiancé were to break it off he is someone I would never have as a boyfriend. Besides the sex, great conversation, and a couple of fun nights out, there is nothing else. We all know that it takes way more than that in order to make a relationship survive. Like I said before, I was hurt that he cheated on me and I couldn't get past it. I never meant for this thing to carry on as long as it did.

I do know however that I can be faithfull... if given a reason to be.

I have not seen the other guy since.

I have given my guy the chance to get his own apt. and still continue to see each other, you know create some space to see if we really want this thing to work out or not. He wouldn't accept that at all. He made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to go anywhere, he wanted me and only me.

I guess what I am getting at is is this relationship salvagable? I go more by what you show me than what you tell me and what I am seeing from my guy is that he is head over heels in love with me.

I have tried talking to him about our sex life but I didn't want to seem like a pushy . Our sex is not bad at all, I guess I was looking for something new to add to it. I will take your advice and bring it up again, maybe when we are both laid back and relaxed. And take it from there thanks

[justjamestx]

I must agree with Wildcat on this one,, I tend to go with the once a cheater, always a cheater. Not saying people can't change, but does't really seem to be the case here.

I believe that you can only truly love one person at a time,, sure you can love more, but not truly love more than one other. If you are already having doubts of marriage, and both have had affairs, then the baggage is to dear before the marriage even begins.

A relationship takes two people giving, yet it only requires one to end it. Seems strange that people feel obligated to stay in something they know is not right. It is very difficult for a marriage to work and in your situation, it appears than instead of working on the relationship, you both find alternate solutions to get you though the rough times. In a marriage, one would hope that is your partner that you go to (or come to you) when trouble arises,, well before an affair occurs.

Just the same, I wish you the very best of luck. I have read many of your responses and enjoy your inputs to their posts.

Good luck!

[Wildcat21]

Yes - relationships are based on TRUST and RESPECT. It doesn't seem you trust him and it seems, from what you have said he does not respect you. He takes you for granted. Bad position to be in - it's awful. Am I missing something?

"I have tried talking to him about our sex life but I didn't want to seem like a pushy " - you have to talk about, BUT not before, during or after sex. Sometime when you both are relaxed and hanging out. Maybe like an early SUnday evening over a glass of wine. You CAN'T come across as being critical either. Tell him HOW WONDERFUL sex is, that he is a great lover, but you have some more needs to make the experience even BETTER!!