[talaniman]

A Stone's Throw

A vacationer called a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."





Toronto

A man was strolling along the Beaches area in East Toronto when he spotted a bottle floating in Lake Ontario. The bottle drifted ashore. He picked up the bottle and opened it, and out popped a Genie. "Master, you have released me from my bondage in this bottle, ask any three wishes and I will grant them to you."

The man thought for a moment and said, "I would like the following three things to happen this year -- The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title."

The Genie thought about this for a moment and jumped back into the bottle.





Deep Thoughts

- Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

- Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

- How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

- Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

- Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

- Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?





For The Kids...

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.