[chris_in_orbit]

Well I've been friends with ths girl for 4 years now. I've never seen her as more than anything but a friend and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. At the beginning of the semester we both met this guy. I was nice to him and let him talk to us and the three of us began to become really close.
We go to the movies and all those things, but recently there has been a problem. I've realized that my old friend and this new guy are getting really close. I've been getting all these emotions from as far as anger to jealousy to plain hatred. The biggest problem came up when I planned for us to go the movies, this Friday. I'm starting to realize that I'm being shoved into the third wheel role and it makes me upset and makes me not want to hang around either of them anymore.
I know I am being a bit selfish and I don't mean to be. I just wish they would be more conscious about how the situation is making me feel. I've been friends with this girl for so long and a guy comes in and in literally less than 3 monthes she likes him better than me. The worse part though, is that after not knowing my place for so long I finally thought that I found the friends that I would have for the rest of my life. If they become more than friends then I'll be left out in the cold and back to where I started, and I'm tired of feeling alone.. Should I just give them their time together alone and go off my own way or what? When I think about it that seems like the most logical explanation because one day I might explode and then I'd really not have them as my friends anymore. Please give me your opinion on the situation.

[kp2171]

Life is about developing relationships. Which means getting close, backing off, and getting close again, or not.

I have good friends that I've "lost" to a new relationship. It happens. And then, in time, usually the friendship finds a new place. Maybe its not the same as before. Its not supposed to be. Likewise, I know friends who felt like I lost touch with them when I made a new friendship or started a dating relationship.

You don't act like they are dating... that they are just getting close. Is there the potential for dating?

I know it sucks to feel like you are being delegated to a back seat. But it does happen. Most of us find new relationships along the way and in the process it takes energy away from other relationships. Its normal.

Its also normal to feel left back. You also need to be developing other friendships. My best friend from college is a lifelong friend... one that id trust with my life... but he's gone his way and I've gone mine and we focus on other people most of the time. Its OK.

Now... this doesn't mean you need to leave them behind... but you do need to let go a little. You certainly can tell your friend that you don't want to be upset and angry, but you do feel left out and a little jealous. You're entitled to say it and she should know.

I've had some great friendships fade and I've had some stick. And along the way sometimes you feel a little left behind. And then sometimes you are the one occupied with someone new and someone else gets left behind.

So... talk to her. See her some. Pull back a little. And try not to get too ticked off. Again, its normal to make new friends and sometimes in the process to leave other friends by the side of the road, if only for a while.

[Secret_J]

Similar situation happened to me and my boy (friend) for 6 years. We went everywhere together, did the same things and suddenly this new girl comes along and we both wanted to be friends with her but as time went on, they seem to get closer by the minute and leaving me out of the picture. I felt infuriated!

I came to realize that I was always getting hungry for attention from my boy (friend), and kept on nagging him about all sorts of things. The more I nagged, the more he thought I was being selfish, the more he drifted farther away and didn't really want to spend time with me. I knew I was being childish and just let the situation go for awhile. I started hanging out to those who weren't my close friends and wanted to get to know them better, started doing "my own thang," As time flew, and the excitement of this new girl faded away, my boy (friend) started to call me back more and wanted to hang out, saying that he missed me and stuff.

Now we're all peachy. This may be just the excitement phase. Someone new comes along that's different from the regular stuff, and your friend is amused by it. One thing is for sure though that friends last forever regardless of who ever new comes by, and she'll soon get the urge to call you and ask if you want to go watch a flick or have some dinner out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. And she probably doesn't think anything of it.

It might also be that things are deeply more involved such as your friend and this new guy liking each other, and you can't help that from happening. If that's the case, you've got to give them space. If she is a good friend, she won't forget you and if you're a good friend you'll let her seek out this new relationship.

Either way, try to do your own thing for awhile. Seek out company of acquaintances that could potentially be new friends. Sooner or later your girl (friend) will see that a seat in the movie theatre beside her doesn't have you in it, and will give you a call asking why.

Good luck!

[talaniman]

Remove yourself from this situation and give them space to explore each other. Don't be selfish or jealous as you need to find your own things to do, and be glad for your friend. You cannot depend on any one but you to make you happy and now is a good time to start. People come and go through our lives as long as we live, and if you cannot accept the fact that life changes all the time, you will be left behind miserable. Do what makes you happy.