[Homegirl 50]

She contacted you and said we need to talk. Let her contact you again when she wants to talk. You should not initiate contact at all.

[talaniman]

Sometimes the best lessons are learned painfully.

[J_9]

Tal, does this remind you of a member we had a few years ago? I think he had Blue eyes,

[jj2014]

Sometimes the best lessons are learned painfully.

I'm grateful for your help but let's not get negative there might be a good outcome she is a very loving and understanding person and she might not end things but we will see

[J_9]

You just don't get it do you? Or are you just naïve?

In woman speak "we need to talk" or "we need to speak" means... I have something to tell you that might hurt your feelings.

[jj2014]

You just don't get it do you? Or are you just naïve?

In woman speak "we need to talk" or "we need to speak" means... I have something to tell you that might hurt your feelings.

I do get it but honestly people why always go negative she might of just had a really stressful week and she might just shut off as her way dealing with the stress. Why go into a relationship when there is a lot going on in her life ?

[J_9]

why always go negative she might of just had a really stressful week and she might just shut off as her way dealing with the stress.

We aren't being negative, we are being realistic.

If you haven't read before, I am a woman. I know how a woman thinks. When we say we "need to talk/speak," that means we are going to say something that you won't like, or don't want to hear. It's just our way of communicating and letting you know that there is something on our mind about the dynamics of the relationship.

I do get it

You don't get it.

Why go into a relationship when there is a lot going on in her life ?

Three months isn't a relationship. Three months is the "getting to know you period," especially in a long distance relationship.

[talaniman]

Its not negative to accept a female doesn't have time for you. It's realistic, and with one date and no future one set getting all excited is NOT realistic. Having a Plan B is.

Pinning all your time and resources on such a female is crazy. Not over a few texts.

[jj2014]

Sorry I have not got back to you sooner but me and the girlfriend have just taken a break to chill.

I found out through her parent that the situation was more complex then what the girlfriend told me.

It appears that there has been family issues that have occurred over the past few years from legnthy parental separation whilst studying at both higher and further education then that was followed by several close bereavements and also she has not taken a break from education and then went straight to been a trainee teacher where the school is in special measures and she is not receiving the professional support necessary. She is only 21 and found out this is her first proper relationship so is a bit naïve so she the reason she is confused is that she is still making sense of the past few years, her job, personal life and so it has been agreed to give her the time to grow and once things are calmer then maybe try again. I was told that she has been quite ill and is crying for no reason and she feels it's impacting on her work as she only gets one shot at her teaching qualification.

So I'm only texting her and leaving the calling to her when thing's get better so I'm going to use this time to work on myself and see what happens

[dontknownuthin]

I don't want to be negative but do want to point out, we can't clear our lives and schedules for our relationships. If the expectation is that the relationship is on ice until everything is neatly tied up with a bow in our lives, it never happens. I believe a person who is new to a demanding job likely will be very busy . However, they will also find some time for a date if they want to go on the date. It sounds like she gave you do many crisis situations, there will be no end her store of excuses. I would stop texting and let her know, "if things change and you have time, give me a call".

[Wondergirl]

So I'm only texting her

Doesn't that obligate her to respond? What if she doesn't text back?

[jj2014]

Doesn't that obligate her to respond? What if she doesn't text back?

She can respond to texts when she wants to but she git a lot to cope with and this is her first proper relationship so I'm I'm just letting her respond when she is ready

I don't want to be negative but do want to point out, we can't clear our lives and schedules for our relationships. If the expectation is that the relationship is on ice until everything is neatly tied up with a bow in our lives, it never happens. I believe a person who is new to a demanding job likely will be very busy . However, they will also find some time for a date if they want to go on the date. It sounds like she gave you do many crisis situations, there will be no end her store of excuses. I would stop texting and let her know, "if things change and you have time, give me a call".

This is her first proper relationship so I said to her she can call me when thing's are a lot calmer in her life ! I'm just getting on with life and she can get back to me when she is in a better place mentally the fact that she is not sleeping and eating properly and crying for no reason suggest that something is not right she did say that she did not really want to do this but she feels it's not fair on me and needs to sort stuff out

[Homegirl 50]

If she is under stress, she does not need you texting her every either. Leave the woman alone. If she wants to talk or text you she will. I think you are taking this way too serious.
This is not a proper relationship, you've been talking and texting for 3 months and you met once. Is this your first relationship? Leave her alone.

[jj2014]

You don't need to be texting her either. Leave the woman alone. If she wants to talk or text you she will. I think you are taking this way too serious.

Okay I think she probably will talk again she needs to get herself together and she is not in the right place at the moment

[J_9]

If her head isn't in the right place right now, don't add to her confusion by sending texts. Give her some time to recover and sort herself out without feeling obligated to respond to texts. You are starting to come off as stalkerish. If she were my daughter, and I do have a 20 year old daughter, I would have her number changed so that you couldn't contact her. Don't force her to take such drastic measures.

[jj2014]

If her head isn't in the right place right now, don't add to her confusion by sending texts. Give her some time to recover and sort herself out without feeling obligated to respond to texts. You are starting to come off as stalkerish. If she were my daughter, and I do have a 20 year old daughter, I would have her number changed so that you couldn't contact her. Don't force her to take such drastic measures.

I left her a text yesterday morning just apologising for the night before and saying "If you want to chat once you are better and things are calmer for you thrn that be great and I'm always here for you"
I did not realise that there were deeper factors and plus her mum does protect her instead of letting her find out for herself she is a lovely girl but just needs to grow like all of us to be honest

[J_9]

Leave her alone! Stop stalking her.

You sound very much like the boy my daughters used to date. You know what happened? Her number got changed and he got slapped with a restraining order. That's not what you want? Is it? You ARE going down that path.

[Homegirl 50]

I left her a text yesterday morning just apologising for the night before and saying "If you want to chat once you are better and things are calmer for you thrn that be great and I'm always here for you"
I did not realise that there were deeper factors and plus her mum does protect her instead of letting her find out for herself she is a lovely girl but just needs to grow like all of us to be honest

You need to leave her alone. I think you are acting rather childish.

[talaniman]

Cool, now leave her alone as obviously you have no clue what you are dealing with, or how to deal with it. Go about your own business and maybe more will be revealed later, or better yet, you will lose the obsession and gain a better understanding of this situation.

How dare you judge her and say what she needs to be doing, and you have yet to do for yourself. Don't mean to be harsh, but that kind of assumptive thinking is way beyond your control. The urge of wanting to help and pursue your attraction is what keeps you from seeing a bigger picture, and you do more harm than good for you both.

What mom with a dependent child would allow a stranger to influence their child's future adversely? Oh you say you care, but are NOT the one responsible for her. Mom is, and you have said your peace, now leave her alone.

[jj2014]

You need to leave her alone. I think you are acting rather childish.

I have left her alone and it's down to her once she is in a better place things won't seem clouded as they are and time is a great healer too