[ZCR]

I am currently dealing with a lot of rules and stuff at my dorm... And I am getting myself to deal with the fact that I will not be able to go out to every event or competition I want. Major self esteem issues... Each time my guy sees a hot chick, I feel the impulse to whip out my phone and do something that looks important; there have been few occasions now when we have actually spent much time together: phone or otherwise. I end up feeding that impulse and this is getting too common now. We have a lot of common friends (he knows more people over the country, way more than I do) and him not replying to messages, not calling back, it makes me feel unwanted and unimportant.
There have been times when I have brought this up with him and he has apologised, telling me why he couldn't call. But his habit of not responding gets to me. SO much now, that I'm handling severe mood swings and cannot enjoy the time we spend with our friends.

Another thing that bugs me is the status of our relationship: we initially did not want to discuss just how serious things were between us and I was like, okay. This is new and we can take all the time we want. It will be a year now and I sometimes feel hurt how we act as friends and he in no way acknowledges us. And then randomly, he called me his girlfriend the other day. I cannot describe how long I have waited to hear him call me that.
I don't mind him not calling me his girlfriend in public or anything, sometimes. I walk right ahead and flirt like I do with people: normal friendish flirting and sometimes we feel a hint of jealousy in his tone which only makes me glad that he does have feelings for me...
He is not clingy, he's the kind who respects space and I love it. But sometimes, I don't think he can really hear me ask for a bear hug or a cuddle or just plain conversations on phone.
I do not have too many friends and I'm cool with it, that is exactly the way I want it. But with him, I don't even know what he's thinking.

I want to be loved, adored, pampered, paid attention to. Not all the time, but sometimes?

I have decided to focus only on work and not expect his calls, so when he ever does, it is more of a pleasant surprise than the end of an agonizing week day.

He is an amazing guy, we fit like hand in glove and I know he loves me, I love him. Where is it going awry? What is it that I can't see?

[samcreed]

Hi,
You do have some things you need to talk about with a counselor, in person. There are dorm counselors also. Why not try talking with them? I think you and your boyfriend are not right for each other. If he is causing you all this worry, and thinking, I would look around for another friend. There are many, many boys at dorms and colleges just waiting to meet girls. Try meeting new people.

[talaniman]

I think what you miss is how to make adjustments and not be impatient, and how to express yourself and get answer to your questions.

He doesn't want to talk of your relationship status, but you are so happy he refers to you as a girlfriend. Insecure? Needy? Lonely? INEXPERIENCED? Doesn't matter really all that matters is stay in control of yourself, and express your thoughts and concerns calmly, and don't just settle just to have a boyfriend.

And be more objective where your needs are concerned, Focus on what you can do for yourself, and observe what he does for you. If its not enough, say so. If he doesn't' answer your questions say so. If he dismisses your questions and concerns,dump him because that's not a healthy love. Its dependence.

[ZCR]

Lonely? Sometimes. I'm finding myself increasingly unable to focus on things to do and work to be done and over with.
I write for blogs. I haven't been able to write one decent article in a month now. I see my papers piling up and I see myself wanting to reach out to someone who can give me some time. I have a best friend. We dated once and then opted out of it because stuff happened...
Essentially, sometimes it seems I'm being selfish by talking to him about all the craziness. And then he isn't always there.
I have never acted like this before. I have never been needy-clingy-moody and I hate what I am becoming right now and I want it to stop.

I've been on both extremes; one relationship where I screamed from rooftops that I loved the guy and the other where almost no one knew. I want to have a balance her. Somehow, him not saying anything and not replying and all makes me feel unwanted at times. Unattractive.
I am scared because I love him and I do not want this to fall apart. He loves me too.
Sigh.

[talaniman]

You shouldn't have to beg or wish for healthy attention, or obsess over it so much you cannot focus, and function. You need a healthy break from worrying about love, and trying to work.

Love yourself and do what makes you happy for YOURSELF for a few days... or a week.

[ZCR]

I have been dating a guy since last April. Over time, I feel that he is unable to give me as much time or emotion as I'd have liked. I see worse days when I feel unloved and even insecure. He says the matter of us isn't trivial to him.. There are times he doesn't have time and I understand. It has become way to frequent for me to handle. In a turn of events, I met a guy who seems interesting. We later got high and really close to each other. I think I should step away from my date till I'm sure and have made up my mind. Should I? And if yes, how do I go about it?

[marq123]

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do but yourself. However in my opinion, if you are wanting someone else, you should at least give your boyfriend enough respect to break up with him before you start something with someone else. What would you want your boyfriend to do with you if the situation were reversed?

[joypulv]

You aren't married. You don't have children (I assume) with him. It doesn't appear that you are living with him. Therefore I think your obligation is somewhere below the usual 'hands off' level as long as you don't start an affair. Maybe 2 or 3 small day times just to walk and talk or get a coffee. Tell new guy the truth, but hold off on breaking up until you have a better idea of how you feel. Getting high can be a terrible indicator of what a relationship will be like. Meanwhile, it's time to examine your current relationship separately. It may be time to break up anyway.

[samcreed]

Getting high means you would probably have a good time with a monkey, if you got high enough. That's never a good way to meet anyone!
If you are not happy with your boyfriend, or date, or whatever, what is stopping you from leaving him? Life is full of good things, and we do make our own luck many times. You take charge of yourself, and do what you want to.
If I were unhappy with someone, and not married to them, I would find someone else who respects me, is honest with me, and really likes me. Good luck.

[cutegirlme]

Yes you should.

Clearly, your expectations outweigh the bond that you share with him. At times as girls, we tend to involve ourselves too much in our boyfriends.. Take some more space for yourself to be independent and self-reliant. Also, he may have realized you are always going to be around at his beck and call.. hence the coldness in his behaviour. Some men just don't know how to express feelings. You either live with that fact or look out or someone new (depending on how deeply committed you are)

Don't unecessarily wreck your head in trying to change him or his behavior. You either make peace with it or just move on!