[wifey01]

It'll be much easier if only my husband cheated on me. I just don't know how to overcome this upset when my best friend became the other woman of some married men. Not only that, I have to force myself to face my sister in law which is a mistress of a rich guy. She is the youngest among the family members but my husband and her brother has to follow her order which I think is ridiculous. She don't respects anyone but demand for us all to respects her.
I just feel like running away. Can someone please advise me.
I need friends which I am so afraid of making. I am so afraid of going out.
I have no money for counseling. Is divorcing him the only way to get out of all this misery?

[shank005100]

Can you live by yourself after divorcing him? Do you love him? Does he love you? Can you forgive him for what he has done to you? Can you change him from what he is right now to a person who is dominant to his sister? Answer these questions yourself take courage and pray GOD... have faith. One day things will be all right and you will live the life you desire.

[joypulv]

Your husband has to follow your SIL's order? What does that mean?
Is the best friend the one you stopped talking to last March?
Can you please explain this story better, because I don't understand any of it.

[wifey01]

Your husband has to follow your SIL's order? What does that mean?
Is the bestfriend the one you stopped talking to last March?
Can you please explain this story better, because I don't understand any of it.

Yes my one and only best friend, we didn't talk anymore but her immoral doing haunting me until these day.
About my SIL, whenever we have all family members gathers to plan for a gathering she has this habits of wanting everyone to follow her plan. When invites her to any of other family members house she demand us to go to her place instead. She bought expensive gifts and gave money for all children in the family which parents already forbid her doing. When I planned something for the family. She wants me to switch to her plan. She wants it her way. I don't know if this kind of behavior came from being a mistress, she seemed want to snatch everything. And because her elder bro and my husband (2nd bro) wouldn't want to upset her, we gave in to her every time. And no we are not jealous of her, we rather not involve in anything she do. Seeing her , kept remind me of my husband's infedility.
I'm really thinking if I were the one to be blame for being abnormal or my husband and his family.
I need an outsider's view for a clearer picture.

[Fr_Chuck]

Why is her behavior bothering you ? I don't understand, why you can't be friends with her just because she is going out with married men ? Sorry her behavior has nothing to do with you, and no reason not to be friends with her.

Your family member who is a mistress, guess I don't see an issue, so what, she is still family and no reason to treat her with disrespect, She is still family and you should still love her as such.

Rich men often have a mistress, often is is allowed and accepted by the wife, it is normally not even about you really. It is often a status symbol, here in China it is estimated that in upper middle class and above households, 85 to 95 percent of the men all have mistress. Often the wife's help pick them out. It is like a new car, something to show off that you can afford it.

I am not saying it is correct, but in many cultures and it sounds like you may be from one where this is just the way men and life work, if they are richer.

At the club where my wife and I go, and the group of professionals we go out with, I am the only man that does not have a mistress. ( or a 2nd wife). Since the wife expects better "things" and to be treated better than a mistress, they see it as a good thing, to keep hubby occupied and a sign that they husband is rich enough to afford it.

So I guess having a mistress and the wife accepting it, just depends on where you are at and the culture you are in.
Where I live it is just normal and part of life,

[wifey01]

Why is her behavior bothering you ? I don't understand, why you can't be friends with her just because she is going out with married men ? Sorry her behavior has nothing to do with you, and no reason not to be friends with her.

Your family member who is a mistress, guess I don't see an issue, so what, she is still family and no reason to treat her with disrespect, She is still family and you should still love her as such.

Rich men often have a mistress, often is is allowed and accepted by the wife, it is normally not even about you really. it is often a status symbol, here in China it is estimated that in upper middle class and above households, 85 to 95 percent of the men all have mistress. Often the wife's help pick them out. It is like a new car, something to show off that you can afford it.

I am not saying it is correct, but in many cultures and it sounds like you may be from one where this is just the way men and life work, if they are richer.

At the club where my wife and I go, and the group of professionals we go out with, I am the only man that does not have a mistress. ( or a 2nd wife). Since the wife expects better "things" and to be treated better than a mistress, they see it as a good thing, to keep hubby occupied and a sign that they husband is rich enough to afford it.

So I guess having a mistress and the wife accepting it, just depends on where you are at and the culture you are in.
Where I live it is just normal and part of life,

You can't force me to think like your immoral society. If you hate my problem you don't have to reply I don't blame you. And reading your reply I know you haven't been cheated on before it explain truly how little your understanding on this devastation. Your reply doesn't help my healing process but worsen it.

[joypulv]

You feel like running away. I would! Do you love your husband, or do you feel that his unwillingness to go against his sister is a sign that he doesn't care about you? Have you not found one new friend? Do you have work, school, children, hobbies, interests, to keep your life meaningful outside of this social quagmire?

[wifey01]

You feel like running away. I would! Do you love your husband, or do you feel that his unwillingness to go against his sister is a sign that he doesn't care about you? Have you not found one new friend? Do you have work, school, children, hobbies, interests, to keep your life meaningful outside of this social quagmire?

Really happy to hear from you joypluv, yes I love him very much but I just don't know how to deal with my depress. He isn't against anyone either, just remain silence. I know it is really hard for him because he is in between me and his family. I don't easily trust anyone since. I'm a stay at home mom. I don't dare to find job. One of his reason for cheating was I don't want to marry him. Since the infidelity blown, I still married him. Getting over it is the hardest, it has been 2 years now. I would repeatedly asked myself what if I found a job and he used that as a reason for his cheating? I'm basically stuck and lost. I only can live day by day taking good care of my child and do what's housewife supposed to do. I know he's willing to do anything for me to recover but it's really hard since his mom won't understand us and want to glue all her siblings together and be happy for each other. I want to too but it has to be willingness on my part. What is the point of willingness but not happy about it?
I hate it when I torture myself this way but I can't help it. I put him in a difficult position. I want to know if divorce is the right decision when both still love each other and doing it because not wanting to destroy his family?

[talaniman]

I think what you need are friends of your own liking to be around and talk to and have good activities to share with each other. If I were as isolated as you and surrounded by the idiots you are, and don't like, I would be depressed too.

Take your child out to play, find out where other stay at home moms hang out, and be good to yourself in small ways every day. How old is your child? Do you have good neighbors? Everyone should have a life that makes them happy with friends and activities that they enjoy, just good clean adult fun.

Can you not just visit family on occasion with your child? The best way to cope with life's challenges is with a support system, people you like and trust, and someone to share, and care with. Friends so you won't have to feel alone.

Friend who give you strength when you do have to deal with idiots.

[Fr_Chuck]

First you have not answered some basic questions of the society you live in, attacking others is not going to help and perhaps you need to consider how you deal with others.

Hating others because of their life style if they are not hurting you is a very shameful way.
First this is no my life style, I am an American and I merely study other culture,

but in some countries you can not divorce, in some cultures men have 3 or 4 wives, it is a real issue for many Americans esp who want to judge the rest of the world by their values and morals. One of the reasons Americans are thought poorly of in many parts of the world.

But knowing where you are at and what culture you are from helps this,
In some cultues you accept it, or you would be beaten or even killed for disrepect of your husband.

How can I say leave him, if leaving him may cause your death. ( and it would in some cultures) and what you described sounds like some of the middle eastern countries where this happens)