[ScottGem]

OK, sure. Even though it's not relevant.

I was raped by my father's friend as a teen. My parents are religious and refused to let me have an abortion or give up the child. I didn't have the resources to have an abortion anyway. It was 1996, there was no internet (well nobody had it back then anyway), I lived in an extremely rural area, I had no transport, and no money. I had NO choice. My parents knew of the rape and did NOTHING, didn't let me do anything, and still remained friends with the guy. I was abused, OK? It's easy to say 'call the cops'...'tell someone'...but when you are abused like I was, that's not an option.

Yeah its relevant. It puts a whole different light on your predicament. It would have helped if you had shared it with us. However, I do have some issues. First, yeah you did have an option. You went to school, right? You had access to a phone, right? You had doctors monitor your pregnancy right? You had ample opportunity to tell someone you had been raped. And you said "as a teen". How old were you and what state was this? It is very possible he was guilty of statutory rape. In that case, unless your state has a SOL on statutory rape, you have a slam dunk case. All you need to show is that you were underage when you conceived and that he is the father (DNA will prove that). If that is the case, then he may still be able to be prosecuted.

The second question is why are you involved at all in the CPS issue? You gave up custody. The state has taken the child from your mother. Why are you involved?

[ScottGem]

And this hated child is the same child you are trying to get back into your home?

She has maintained, from the first. That she doesn't want the child. Considering this was a child of rape, I can see the possibility of getting a TPR.

[JudyKayTee]

She has maintained, from the first. That she doesn't want the child. Considering this was a child of rape, I can see the possibility of getting a TPR.

Then I've completely lost track of the nature of the dispute - let me read backwards.

I thought the concern was keeping the child away from her mother, rescinding the custody agreement.

EDIT: Okay, I've got it. OP wants her mother out of the equation. She wants to revoke the custody agreement with her mother because of her mother's lies, believing that will give custody back to her and then she plans to terminate her parental relationship with the child she hates.

I was on some other track - to nowhere.

[SmilingInside]

Yeah its relevant. It puts a whole different light on your predicament. It would have helped if you had shared it with us. However, I do have some issues. First, yeah you did have an option. You went to school, right? You had access to a phone, right? You had doctors monitor your pregnancy right? You had ample opportunity to tell someone you had been raped. And you said "as a teen". How old were you and what state was this? It is very possible he was guilty of statutory rape. In that case, unless your state has a SOL on statutory rape, you have a slam dunk case. All you need to show is that you were underage when you conceived and that he is the father (DNA will prove that). If that is the case, then he may still be able to be prosecuted.

The second question is why are you involved at all in the CPS issue? You gave up custody. The state has taken the child from your mother. Why are you involved?

The CPS issue was something totally different. I have 2 children who live with me, that I love and are well taken care of. My school-aged child said something that got misconstrued and as a matter of "mandated reporting", I got reported. The whole story is really stupid, all it was was a misunderstanding. I'm an organic gardener and some idiot took something my child said and somehow thought I was growing pot. STUPID. I wasn't, I don't do illegal drugs. Anyway, over and done, not an issue, I was cleared of any wrongdoing and the case was closed almost as fast as it was opened. The reason I asked the question about CPS is because I don't trust cops or authority and surely no one would advise talking to a cop without a lawyer, so I was worried about someone talking to my child without myself or a representative present.

As for the rest of your post, no, I didn't have options. No, I was not in school. Yes we had a phone but my parents checked the itemized bill religiously and if anything was out of the ordinary, there was an inquisition and beatings to follow. I was abused, K? When you're in that position, then you'd understand. Yeah it sounds so easy looking back from the outside but to actually be there, you just don't know what it's like. It's incredibly rude to blame a victim of abuse and rape, by the way. Why go there? It was 1996, I don't need a lecture or a would have, should have, could have. I don't think you understand the extent of the abuse I went through nor do I care to rehash it.

I have to go through the process of proving paternity because the foster care system wants support, so whatever happens there I guess we'll see. If he can be prosecuted, then maybe he will be. I don't know if I care to go through with that. I can't answer that with certainty right now. It would be like reliving it all over again and I'm not sure I care to.

[SmilingInside]

Then I've completely lost track of the nature of the dispute - let me read backwards.

I thought the concern was keeping the child away from her mother, rescinding the custody agreement.

EDIT: Okay, I've got it. OP wants her mother out of the equation. She wants to revoke the custody agreement with her mother because of her mother's lies, believing that will give custody back to her and then she plans to terminate her parental relationship with the child she hates.

I was on some other track - to nowhere.

Sort of... I just want my mother out of it all together. She can have the kid back BUT only under the circumstance that my parental rights are terminated, which is what I hope will happen with the upcoming court proceedings.

[JudyKayTee]

Sort of....I just want my mother out of it all together. She can have the kid back BUT only under the circumstance that my parental rights are terminated, which is what I hope will happen with the upcoming court proceedings.

I'm an adult victim of rape - not the same, of course, as being raped and having a child while in my teens BUT have you thought about taking action against your rapist?

I realize you have other children. Is there any way your rapist can harm them OR other children - if that's his sexual interest?

My concern was that my rapist NEVER touch another woman.

[ScottGem]

It's incredibly rude to blame a victim of abuse and rape, btw. Why go there? It was 1996, .

Who blamed you? Certainly not me. And while I have never undergone the type of abuse you talk about, I do have some understanding. I know an abused child often thinks they deserve the abuse. Not that it was true, but that type of feeling fosters a cycle of abuse.

I don't know what you were like in '96. I can understand that you felt you had no options, but you did. And you need to understand that. If you parents were religious, didn't you go to church? Wasn't there a clergyperson you could talk to?

As to "why go there", because a rapist generally doesn't do it once. There is no telling how many others he might have raped or might still rape. It will also give you closure and help you heal. If you tell us what sate you were in and how old you were when you conceived we can tell you whether there is a chance of still prosecuting.

Finally, I was referring to the CPS case regarding this child. If the child was place in foster care, there is a CPS case. Are you saying you are involved in that case because the state is seeking reimbursement?

[SmilingInside]

Who blamed you? Certainly not me. and while I have never undergone the type of abuse you talk about, I do have some understanding. I know an abused child often thinks they deserve the abuse. Not that it was true, but that type of feeling fosters a cycle of abuse.

I don't know what you were like in '96. I can understand that you felt you had no options, but you did. And you need to understand that. If you parents were religious, didn't you go to church? Wasn't there a clergyperson you could talk to?

As to "why go there", because a rapist generally doesn't do it once. There is no telling how many others he might have raped or might still rape. It will also give you closure and help you heal. If you tell us what sate you were in and how old you were when you conceived we can tell you whether there is a chance of still prosecuting.

Finally, I was referring to the CPS case regarding this child. if the child was place in foster care, there is a CPS case. Are you saying you are involved in that case because the state is seeking reimbursement?

I am not aware of any CPS case with this child. If there is, it's just regarding his behavior and involvement in probation. Maybe I don't know about it since my mom has custody, BUT the court documents did say that there is no ongoing CPS case (because she's listed as a resource, so they check into that). They checked me too, because I'm a potential resource still as I haven't terminated my parental rights so they still see me as a potential resource at this point, and there's no open CPS case against me either.

As for my parents, they were alcoholic religious freaks. No, we didn't go to church. They kept us isolated, completely. We couldn't leave the home, we couldn't use the phone, we didn't go anywhere without them present. It was my life, I didn't know if it was normal or not because how could I know? I didn't know how other people lived. I figured it was a little strange but I didn't know. Anyway, it's been 16 years, I'm not interested in rehashing it. There's no way in hell I'm going through a rape trial. I was sexually assaulted as an adult (not fully raped, just sexually assaulted) and I did go to the cops and they treated me like complete garbage, and I just dropped it. I wasn't putting up with that. Not going to now either.


And heck no, this person, or ANY person for that matter, has any access to my children. I am vigilant about that. They've never even been babysat their whole lives, I trust no one when it comes to my kids. It makes me sick that my parents just didn't care and still remained friends with this scumbag, I wish I knew why. If I had one wish it would probably be to know WHY.

[JudyKayTee]

And heck no, this person, or ANY person for that matter, has any access to my children. I am vigilant about that. They've never even been babysat their whole lives,. I trust no one when it comes to my kids. It makes me sick that my parents just didn't care and still remained friends with this scumbag, I wish I knew why. If I had one wish it would probably be to know WHY.

So your parents knew you were raped, knew the person - and did nothing? And remained friends with him?

Honestly, I'm beginning to understand where you're coming from a whole lot better.

If I can ask another question when you had the baby, why didn't you put him up for adoption?

Okay, two more questions - if someone is looking for you as a source of income and also your mother, what about the father?

[ScottGem]

If I can ask another question when you had the baby, why didn't you put him up for adoption?

She answered that, her parents wouldn't allow it.

I am not aware of any CPS case with this child.

Then I don't understand. Who is looking at either of you as a "potential resource"? If the child was taken away it had to have been done by CPS or some other government agency.

As for my parents, they were alcoholic religious freaks. No, we didn't go to church. They kept us isolated, completely.

Then I have to ask; who took care of you during the pregnancy? Where was the child delivered? When did you finally understand that your life was not normal? What did you do about it then?

[JudyKayTee]

She answered that, her parents wouldn't allow it.

I'm thinking she was in the hospital, in her teens, social workers around, maybe a chance to say something to someone. Her parents didn't have to allow it. And then she went "home" to live in the same house with parents and child before she made the break, got married, had other children.

[SmilingInside]

She answered that, her parents wouldn't allow it.



Then I don't understand. Who is looking at either of you as a "potential resource"? If the child was taken away it had to have been done by CPS or some other government agency.



Then I have to ask; who took care of you during the pregnancy? Where was the child delivered? When did you finally understand that your life was not normal? what did you do about it then?

He wasn't "taken away" per se, we went through 2 years of him having major behavioral issues (well, more like a lifetime, but at least 2 years of serious and legal trouble), being on probation, drug use, and being in PINS program. Everything that was tired to help him had failed, so the last option was to voluntarily place him in foster care. I had to sign papers to put him into foster care because the custody agreement I have with my mom didn't allow her to do that.

Now, I have to go to court for several things: support, establishing paternity, and terminating parental rights, and I'm not sure what else at the moment. I have literally reams of court papers, I don't remember what everything in there is.

The aim is to return the child to family (or someone), not to keep him in foster care. THAT is why people are listed as possible resources-for the purpose of getting the child out of foster care. In order for someone to be a resource, they do a background check to make sure you're not wanted, or a sex offender or have any CPS cases open or that have been founded. Myself and my mom are listed as potential resources, and we have both been cleared.

[SmilingInside]

I'm thinking she was in the hospital, in her teens, social workers around, maybe a chance to say something to someone. Her parents didn't have to allow it. And then she went "home" to live in the same house with parents and child before she made the break, got married, had other children.

You have to understand how I grew up and the extent of the abuse I endured. I don't know why you're being so cruel, but please stop because it's very offensive. Would you say the same things to Jaycee Dugard? I spent a lifetime of being conditioned and abused. It's easy for people who had normal lives to think 'oh, why didn't you just do this or that'... it's NOT that easy. I had no one, I had nowhere to go and like I said, I was so conditioned... even when there were times I could've technically told someone, I had this huge fear of my parents, and not only that but I knew they'd deny it and all my life I believed that no one would believe me over them because they were adults and I was just a dumb kid... this is something they instilled in me. I honestly thought that if I had come out with anything related to the abuse and rape, that they'd kill me. That's how scared I was. We knew as kids, you better keep your mouth shut OR ELSE.

[ScottGem]

But that still means that he is in the system and being monitored by CPS or some govt agency.

[SmilingInside]

But that still means that he is in the system and being monitored by CPS or some govt agency.

Well yes, he has a caseworker, all I'm saying is that he wasn't forcibly removed and that I nor my mom is under any CPS investigation. It was a voluntary placement. No one is in trouble besides him.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=SmilingInside;3233540]You have to understand how I grew up and the extent of the abuse I endured. I don't know why you're being so cruel, but please stop because it's very offensive. Would you say the same things to Jaycee Dugard?QUOTE]


You are comparing your situation to that of Jaycee Dugard?

No one is being cruel. You came here and posted. You omitted a lot of information. If you don't want to address this any longer, then retain an Attorney instead of seeking advice here and stop posting.

I realize it is important to you to remain victimized in your own mind. Maybe that works for you. I don't know.

Cruelty would involve copying portions of your other threads, and no one has done that.

So - your attacker is still out there, perhaps attacking other people, perhaps endangering children. You got pregnant. Your parents thought it was your fault. You lived in the same house with your child, escaped - and left him behind (because you hate him).

You have got to agree on some level that this is very hard to understand.

Back to Jaycee Dugard - didn't she escape with her children, the children fathered by her rapist?

[ScottGem]

Well yes, he has a caseworker, all I'm saying is that he wasn't forcibly removed and that I nor my mom is under any CPS investigation. It was a voluntary placement. No one is in trouble besides him.

I never said there was. But you kepot saying there was no CPS case when clearly there is. A CPS case doesn't mean someone is in trouble. It means that CPS has intervened and is monitoring the situation or taking some action.

[ScottGem]

You have to understand how I grew up and the extent of the abuse I endured. I don't know why you're being so cruel, but please stop because it's very offensive. Would you say the same things to Jaycee Dugard? I spent a lifetime of being conditioned and abused. It's easy for people who had normal lives to think 'oh, why didn't you just do this or that'....it's NOT that easy. I had no one, I had nowhere to go and like I said, I was so conditioned....even when there were times I could've technically told someone, I had this huge fear of my parents, and not only that but I knew they'd deny it and all my life I believed that no one would believe me over them because they were adults and I was just a dumb kid....this is something they instilled in me. I honestly thought that if I had come out with anything related to the abuse and rape, that they'd kill me. That's how scared I was. We knew as kids, you better keep your mouth shut OR ELSE.

First, I don't see where Judy was cruel in the response you quoted. She was simply stating her understanding.

Second, no I wouldn't say the same things to Jaycee Dugard, but then her situation was different. She was kidnapped and held prisoner. It was only the stupidity of her kidnappers that led to her recovery.

The thing that bothers me, is I can understand why you remained in that environment until you learned better. What I don't get is that once you came to understand that you had not led a normal childhood and that you had been abused, why then did you not do something about it? Why is your mother being looked at as a resource when she abused her own children? Why isn't she in jail or at least not allowed around children?

[SmilingInside]

There has been a new major development in this case and I'm wondering if I should post it here or make a new posting? It's of extreme importance.

[JudyKayTee]

There has been a new major development in this case and I'm wondering if I should post it here or make a new posting?? It's of extreme importance.

If it's a continuation of this problem it goes here so people don't have to search out this thread in order to find the background.