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Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 12:35 PM

This is all I will do. Your friend must write his own story.

The horse stood on hind legs, snorted, and burst into a fury of speed that was the loveliest thing I have ever seen. Heer hung on tightly with her arms around the horse's neck. Her beautiful long hair blew free in the wind behind her.

Rajha remembered seeing this same girl yesterday when she was picking flowers in the meadow next to his house. The sunlight on her hair made it shine, and her eyes sparkled as she created a beautiful bouquet. He gasped as she glanced up from her work and noticed him staring at her.

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 7, 2012, 12:37 PM

Hello WG are u there?? I am not getting your reply...

Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 12:41 PM

Can you see this thread? My reply is on it.

Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by Naveen Agrawal

no, no. he is not intrested in this.... he said about this... i felt that i m intrested in this so i am doing it for him or say for my intrest.....

Is this for homeschooling?

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 7, 2012, 12:44 PM

Can you make this story larger... please for us... please...

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 7, 2012, 12:48 PM

Yes this project is for his school...

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 7, 2012, 01:02 PM

Sorry WG... I have to go for sleep... its too late... sorry... I am going... may I go? Thanks for your help... I need a larger story than this... I need your help for this... I will come tomorrow... good night

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 10, 2012, 07:53 AM

Thanks wG for your kind help... thank you very much...

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2012, 07:59 AM

So did you finish this?

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 10, 2012, 08:15 AM

Yes wG I had finished this with your kind help... thanks for it wg...

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2012, 08:17 AM

Please send me the final draft, so I can see what you did with it.

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 10, 2012, 09:32 AM

Sorry wG my english is a little bit weak, bt I tried, and sending u the final draft... "after that HEER and RANJha fall in love with each other, Ranjha started to come daily in that park and HEEr also to see Ranjha, they saw each other with a lot of love in their eyes, and in this way their love rose... one day ranjha praposed heer and she accepted his praposal. They started dating daily in the park, ranjha sat under the tree with Heer in his arms.. one day father of Heer saw both of them sat like this and looking each other with love... Heer's father was king and Ranjha was a local man of other state. Heer's father became angry when he saw Heer in Ranjha's arms.. His army caught both of them and took them to the court of the king(heer's father). There in front of all the pupil of the state and all the family member, the king gave them the punisment of death... both Heer and Ranjha had been closed with bricks all around them... thus they die with each other but their love became emortal... their name will always be rememberd in history of love... thus the story had a sad ending...

Kahani Punjab · Jul 10, 2012, 09:39 AM

Naveen,

Let me add something to your (rather WG's) story. Now the story in your hands is as follows (with some additons by me) -

The horse stood on hind legs, snorted, and burst into a fury of speed that was the loveliest thing I have ever seen. Heer hung on tightly with her arms around the horse's neck. Her beautiful long hair , trimmed nicely at the ends, blew free in the wind behind her.

Rajha remembered beholding this same girl yesterday when she was picking flowers in the meadow next to his house. The sunlight on her tresses made these shine, and her beautiful pair of eyes sparkled as she created a beautiful bouquet. He gasped as she glanced up from her work and noticed him staring at her.

He kept on looking. He wanted to make her stop, talk to her a bit and propose her... a series of things flared up in his mind quickly. As if it were a dream, the girl pulled the reins of the horse and stopped.

Is it a reality? Or a dream? A daydream? Plenty of queries crossed his mind, in a split second. (Now this way, try to weave the story. I am here for your help, Naveen)

After that HEER and RANJha fall in love with each other, Ranjha started to come daily in that park and HEEr also to see Ranjha, they saw each other with a lot of love in their eyes, and in this way their love rose... one day ranjha praposed heer and she accepted his praposal. They started dating daily in the park, ranjha sat under the tree with Heer in his arms.. one day father of Heer saw both of them sat like this and looking each other with love... Heer's father was king and Ranjha was a local man of other state. Heer's father became angry when he saw Heer in Ranjha's arms.. His army caught both of them and took them to the court of the king(heer's father). There in front of all the pupil of the state and all the family member, the king gave them the punisment of death... both Heer and Ranjha had been closed with bricks all around them... thus they die with each other but their love became emortal... their name will always be rememberd in history of love... thus the story had a sad ending...

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 10, 2012, 09:45 AM

OK

Kahani Punjab · Jul 10, 2012, 09:47 AM

Do not make it a sad ending. Just fill it with a number of incidents. Their going together, their courting each other, hugging and all.

Take Heer to beauty parlor. Or, make Ranjha a person who likes short hair on girls. Heer is a traditional sort of girl. She does not cut her hair short, just trims it once in a while. Ranjha likes modern girls, with bobs. He takes her to a beautician and asks her to give her a makeover.

He also suggests her to wear jeans and sleeveless. Heer says that her armpit hair will be exposed, and he expresses surprise and then.. /..

She feels the touch of blade going against the fluffy hair in her underarms and feels so wow!

Add all such stuff... does it help. Try to weave in this way. I am here and will keep on giving more details. Right?

Naveen Agrawal · Jul 10, 2012, 09:54 AM

Thanks for your help... you are nice...

JudyKayTee · Jul 10, 2012, 09:54 AM

Sorry but I'm having trouble with this - "Her beautiful long hair , trimmed nicely at the ends, blew free in the wind behind her."

"Take Heer to beauty parlor. Or, make Ranjha a person who likes short hair on girls. Heer is a traditional sort of girl. She does not cut her hair short, just trims it once in a while. Ranjha likes modern girls, with bobs. He takes her to a beautician and asks her to give her a makeover.

Heer says that her armpit hair will be exposed, and he expresses surprise and then../.. She feels the touch of blade going against the fluffy hair in her underarms and feels so wow!"

Take her to a beauty parlor? How does this add ANYTHING (other than confusing details) to the story?

Trimmed nicely at the ends? Expose her armpit hair? A blade against your armpit (fluffy armpit hair, that) feels so wow?

This sounds more and more like some sort of hair fixation.

Again, maybe it's a different culture but this is, for lack of a better phrase, very difficult to understand.

Honestly, WG knows what she's doing - and she's good at it! I'd leave the story alone and not "tacky" it up.