[tag020570]

Okay, I am hoping someone out there can help me put this in perspective. I am married to a man who several years ago carried on an innapropriate relationship with his step daughter from a previous marriage. The step daughter was definitely underage, and well lets call it what it is, child molestation. This went on for 5 plus years, they parted ways after I came into the picture and had no contact for about 2 years. We married and then I found out the truth about this entire mess. I left my husband and filed for a divorce. He since asked the step daughter for forgiveness and she has forgiven him. He has turned his life around and is truly a good, upstanding Christian man. The step daughter is now married and has a 3 year old child of her own, who calls my husband grandpa. Her husband knows everything and yet he chooses to have a relationship with my husband as well. They are one big happy family and although I am trying to find forgiveness in my heart for him lying to me about his past, I'm struggling worse than any of the rest of them. I believe she still carries strong feelings for him, however my husband says I read too much in to things. She sent him a father day card that went something like this - Daddy, I know we don't talk as much as we should but at least we both know the love we share in our hearts for each other and at least we have each other. She then went on to tell him how out of all the men in the world she thanks God that he gave her him as a Dad. This is a man who molested this child for 5 long years. She hated him with a passion up until about 2 years ago. She even signed the fathers day card with, love you always and forever. Does this sound innocent? Perhaps I'm making something out of nothing here. The girl doesn't like me and never has. I realize none of this is her fault at all. It's his fault for screwing her mind up at such a young age. I personally think she thinks they have some secret love between them that no one else knows about. It's all sick and twisted to me. I wonder, can people really change and be remorseful for the mistakes they make in this life? Maybe, I'm the only one that still has a problem with what he did and with having her in our lives. Even to hear her call him daddy just drives me nuts. She is a 23 year old woman. Why would she want to be a part of his life now? And to call him the best father in the world? Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated.

[krafteame]

My first concern is that this man is an admitted pedophile and is around young child and still has easy access to them. The reason this girl relates to him inappropriately to him is because when what he had been doing to her came out it sounds like the adults that should have been protecting her did not react the way they should have. He should have been been put in jail but instead it sounds like nothing was really done. It sounds like she was sent the wrong message about the situation. You are in a complicated situation for sure. My daughter was molested by her father(we were divorced already) when she was 13. This went on for about 6months before I was able to figure it out. I have tried to imagine what I would have done and how I would have felt if we were still married. I came to one conclusion, people would feel about how I do. I know the Lord can change anyone if that is his there is no way I could have stayed married to him. I know inappropriately is different but I believe most will. I don't feel that you are over reacting.His stepdaughter most likely has a lot of un resolved issues. I really don't know you cope with the fact that he has molested her and everyone acts like everything is supposed to be fine and dandy. The only thing I can advise ice you to do is watch the situation very very carefully not just for your sake but for any children he comes in contact with. To be to honest with you, what I really want to tell you to do is to run and distance yourself from this situation as fast as you can but Im pretty sure that isn`t the answer you want to hear. Please keep us posted. I hope something I have said may help. I hope everything works out for you.

[tag020570]

Thank you. I was hoping someone would offer some input or at least some thoughts on this. Honestly, I don't know why no one did anything. I called the authorities, I called CPS, her entire family knew about it but everyone just swept it under the rug. The authorities told me because she is an adult now, that she would have to be the one to press charges against him or report him. Even her previous step-mom offered to give her all the money she needed if she would take him to court but she refused the money and the help and turned away from what he did to her. Being married to him is one thing, but knowing right from wrong is another and if today he were to be arrested for his past mistakes, I would completely support the punishment and would tell all I know. I believe every crime should be handled accordingly and love has nothing to do with that. I guess I think this poor girl still has feelings for her dad and he refuses to see that she needs help. Instead he's just on could nine that he never had any consequences for what he did. Most men spend their lives in prision for this, he on the other hand gets a son-in-law and a grandson out of the deal and a loving daughter who thanks God for giving her a such a wonderful daddy.

[tag020570]

krafteame - I am so sorry to hear that you daughter experienced something like this from her own father. I don't understand the world we live in today, especially parents who are supposed to be protecting these children, instead their using them for their own satisfaction. Very sad...