[Jane9876]

I've been out with a coworker a handful of times but I am afraid we may have come to an impasse. He is a level above me, although I only report to him if my boss is out of town or unavailable (my boss is also his boss). He was the one to express interest and pursue me first, although he expressed some concern from the beginning (he said he was really interested in me but was not sure if he should ignore it since we work together or just go with his gut). We talked back and forth a great deal and eventually went on a couple of dates. He was resepectful and did not even try to kiss me. We have hung out 2 or 3 more times where we have kissed and cuddled but, he has not pushed anything on a physical level (initially this was at my request but recently he has said he does not think it is a good idea to get involved sexually because of work).

Our job is not a super-serious white collar job (it is mostly a side-job for artists and students in their 20's) but he takes it seriously as he would like to continue to be promoted to a more white-collar managerial level and it sounds like that could happen within the next 6 months). For me, the job is a side thing as I am building a business in another industry.

Initially he talked about a lot of activities he would like to do together like going out to eat, going dancing, etc. but he has been more hesitant to hang out lately. Last time we were together, he said he has been hesitant because of work.

He is also a tough emotional case because he is in his late 20's and has never technically had a girlfriend. He said he had a phase where he was physical with a lot of women but it felt empty. He has recently cut alcohol and sex out for a period while he is working on himself and trying to figure out why he was using those things as escapes. He was never a major drinker but still felt like the times he did it interefered with some of his ambitions/development. His last couple of situations with women were exclusive situations but he never put the girlfriend label on them. He said he is at a place where he could like something deeper with a woman but is afraid of losing his freedom. He wants to feel like he can devote himself fully to a woman before calling her his girlfriend (it almost sounds like he thinks of a relationship like being engaged, or at least takes the label highly seriously).

I have dated a fair amount and feel this man has a lot of qualities that are right for me. He is highly perceptive/attentive as well as self-aware. But I don't want to waste too much of my time if this situation does not have the potential to work out. This is obviously a tough case. Do you think his hesitation to hang out recently is due to a loss of interest (are work and personal development excuses)? Or do you think these could be legitimate factors? If they are, any advice on dealing with a work romance or on being patient with someone who is working through personal issues? He is good with communication, I am just not sure which questions to ask and how best to support him and still have my needs met. Thanks for your help!

[Homegirl 50]

He seems like a very focused young man now. His job is important to him as he has told you.
Leave him alone. Don't be a hamper to him.