[Bigboy40]

We are both in our forties and both straight but we joke around sometimes about gay sex with each other. The first time he said something to me I was bending over next to him picking something up I dropped he said, while you're down there do me favor. I'm not gay but when he said that it sparked something inside of me and it stuck in my mind all day and later that night when I was alone I found myself actually thinking about what it would be like to have gay sex with him and ever since then I have been having fantasies about having sex with him and it has become something I think about a lot and exspecially when we spend time together. My fantasies seem to have taken over me. Now when ever I see him I find myself checking him out and I now know I am attracted to him. And I want him but I am so scared to say something and loose his friendship. That would devastate me. Am I reading too much into his gay joking ? How can I tell? Is he really attracted to me to and if so what can I say or do to get him to make the first move ? We both have been straight all of our lives and both have children in their 20's were both single now. I'm so frustrated and scared and just want him to make the first move ! Please help !

[Fr_Chuck]

I think you have made way too much out of a joke that most men would make in the locker room

And if you desire this, you are at least bi, or gay, since a straight man would not have sexual desires for another man.

[WisperWill70]

It could be that you're both having a sexual attraction to each other (and does it matter what label we use here? Who cares?) If he's comfortable joking about sex, there's a chance he might have similar feelings because there's a little truth in every joke. A lot of guys joke about things like this but have NO intentions to ever follow up on it.

If you've known each other that long maybe you can discuss it or ask him if he's ever had thoughts/feelings --- I personally know people who can have frank conversations about things like that without embarrassment.

But watch out... your obsession could ruin your friendship and how you choose to proceed can have ramifications on other parts of your life. Right now you're caught up in a fantasy you might not have thought out. Do you have emotional feelings? Do you just want sex? What if he finds someone down the line and you've "experimented" how will THAT feel? What if he totally loses his gob and doesn't even want to be your friend? Don't proceed unless you know him well and understand what it might mean for both people. If he says he doesn't want to explore that part of his sexuality or doesn't share those feelings BELIEVE it and move on.

If you're single and you have grown children... are you turning to a stable friendship you've had for a long time for fantasy-fodder because you're depending on him when maybe you could be exploring these needs elsewhere (or finding someone to be in a relationship with)... maybe it's time to get back in the dating game or have "fun" and enjoy your life.

Be careful.

[andrewjg]

Hi mate,

It sounds like you are reading into the joke too much.

Andy

[smoothy]

Definitely reading way too much into an off the cuff joke like the others have said.. it is nothing more than a locker room joke that guys have been telling each other for a very long time... I know I remember hearing it in middle school as far back as 40 years ago and I'm certain its been going on a lot further back than that. And by perfectly straight guys without any desire to polish another flagpole. Meaning... if you tell him this... odds are its going to end badly.