[jenniepepsi]

So, this is actually really good irony. And I am so glad I can sort of laugh at it, instead of letting it get to me (though I would be lying if I were to say it doesn't hurt)

But I've been working with my therapist through the abuse I've dealt with most of my life. My parents, my daughters father, my rapist from a long time ago, and such.

This week we discussed my mother. And my therapist told me that all physical abuse aside, my mother sounds to be very very invalidating. She told me that everyone needs to feel validated, its not a selfish thing (even though I feel it is)

She told me that she wanted me to call my mother (im not ready for face to face yet) and talk to her about it.

Ok. So I felt I could do this.


Here comes the irony. Know what she said?

"Oh Jennie your so F---- stupid, why would you even listen to something like that, for crying out loud... '

Yeah... way to prove the point there mom.

I hung up on her so I have no idea what else was in her little speech.


A part of me feels so so so upset about it... but of course, as always, I am ignoring that (until I see my therapist again) and I am focusing on the hilarious irony in her comment. It had me in giggle fits for a while.



I just wish I understood. Why am I not good enough. Why does she feel its OK to just take a verbal crap all over me, and pretend/act like its no big deal.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening!!

[Wondergirl]

It's not you, jen, it's her.

It makes me wonder why your mom herself doesn't feel validated, doesn't feel good enough about herself and love herself so that she can reach out and love her daughter. Was she abused or raped or had emotional problems growing up? Do you know any of her personal history? I'm betting a dozen Dunkin' Donuts there's a story inside her, a story she may not even be able to put words to.

My mom's mom never hugged or kissed her kids, was just a "maintenance mom" washing and cooking and cleaning, never spoke to ANYone, and no one in the family supposedly knew why. After my mom's mom died, my mom went to her funeral. An uncle stood next to my mom at the casket and said, "She used to be such a creative and loving woman, and would have had such a good life if she hadn't been raped when she was a hospital patient years ago. There was no arrest 'cause we didn't know who had done it and no counseling available back then, so she just got through life after the rape like she was a zombie." My mom was floored, remembering all the times she was so angry and sad because she thought her mom didn't love her.

[jenniepepsi]

I know its her. Its hard to say it outloud even to myself. I have felt like it was me for so long.

I do know that my nana was abusive. Extension cords, broom handles, switches, belts, fists, she was knocked out a few times, put in the hospital, she was called a fat whore. No I love yous, no hugs, no parenting, no boundarys, she was promiscuous, and her mom didn't care, unless her mom wanted to fight about something. I did talk to her about it before, when I was still living with her, she was venting about it, and I listened so she could get it out. She does it every so often.
But when I talked to her about it, about the cycle of repeating, she maintains that my life wasn't that bad, because it wasn't as bad as her own mother, so it must not be bad.

Which I can understand why she feels that way. I have done the same thing with my daughters father. 'its not as bad as it could be, so its alright'

[Wondergirl]

And you realize the huge responsibility you have as a mother to A, right?

I'd love to talk with your mom someday. ;) I wonder if you empathized with your mom and let her vent, what would happen... Your therapist could invite her in for a session or two with you.

[jenniepepsi]

Oh absolutely. I have times where I lose my temper, and I know it. I'm not perfect. (I have never hit her aside from a few spankings when she was younger)
But when I do feel myself getting frustrated and angry, I, unlike my mother, can remmeber my own childhood, and force myself to walk away and take a breath (and a ciggarette lol) before talking to her about it. She comes with me once a month to my appointment too.

She is getting older, and hormones are starting to get nuts lol. Her and her friend, spent a good 30 minutes crying and hugging yesterday, over a little boy! They are 8! Lol. It was her friends boyfriend, and he 'cheated' on her (played with another girl instead of his 'girlfriend' lol) and they were just heartbroken. It was so hard not to giggle at them. :P but it also made me see, how kids are changing, and I'm doing my best to be prepared for it!

Thankfully, my temper is not NEARLY as bad as my mother, sister, or nana. And even as she gets older, and gets that teenage additude, it makes me glad I'm a younger mom, cause I can still remember being a teen, and I hope that makes it easier to see things from her side and not go 'nazi mom' on her :P

[jenniepepsi]

Oh I have asked my mom to come to my appointment with me before. She always says she is too busy to talk to quacks.

[Wondergirl]

The therapist (not you) should invite her. I've always been amazed at how quickly a negative-thinking person shows up when invited (by me, the therapist) to a relative's therapy and plans to tell that darn therapist a thing or two and then gets totally sucked into the therapy process.

[jenniepepsi]

Lol OK ill ask my doc to call her and invite her :P you sneaky girl.

[Wondergirl]

Make sure your therapist is the most charming he or she has ever been and "we have to pull together to help jen."

[jenniepepsi]

Hehe she is an older southern lady, she will definitely be charming :D