[Rhia1978]

He wants to take a break – is it all over?
Hello all,

I really like him – he is 34 and I am 33. We met online just before xmas and hit it off straightaway. We met in person less than a month back and the chemistry and connection and conversation was great. We got intimate on the 2nd date (please don't judge me on this I normally don't do this). We've had 5/6 catchups and during the last one which was 3 days back he even asked about valentines day.

He is normally the person to ask me out. The issue we've been having is with his online profile. He had taken it off after the 2nd date but I left it on since a few days later he mentioned he wanted 'something casual' so I wasn't sure. I did ask him if that meant we could see other people and he said 'not sure but am in no rush'. I had found a replica profile and had kept an eye on it. He had not logged into that since before we met in person. It had no profile pic either.

Last Friday I was shocked to see that not only had he uploaded his pic but he was active. So we talked about it and he told me his friend had told him on Wednesday that I'd been online a bit and he was shocked so he did this. I thought we had sorted it out. He told me he was a very lucky man to have a great catch like me – that his biggest fear is to miss the boat and not be married and have kids on time – that he liked me. When he was leaving I told him I'd miss him and he said 'I am already missing you'. Next morning I turned my profile off but I find him online. He had made his pic private though. So I ask him and he tells me he was online clearing his inbox to delete the acct. I left it at that. He wanted to meet that evening and I couldn't. But during the evening I checked and he was online a few times. I was upset and asked him. He told me he only goes on when he's bored, that there's no harm in emailing, that he'd been in relationships up until now and didn't want a 'full on relationship'. I activated my profile and let him know.

Next day we caught up and things were fine. We had decided not to talk about it. That's when he mentioned valentines day. He made plans to catch up on Friday.

Then I notice he was online by the hour and had made his pic public again. I was upset and went online myself but then just finally deactivated my acct – couldn't bare all this. I created a fake profile and contacted him – he responded saying he's interested and is looking forward to my email. I was so upset :( Later in the evening he texted me but I was cryptic in my answers. He finally said he thinks we need a break for a week or two since the last thing he wants is to hurt me and things were getting messy. Again he said he wanted something casual but this time he said there were no rules which meant we can date others etc. While I agreed in panic I also asked him if we were going to see each other and he said yes but he wanted to take it slow. I asked about this Friday and he said nothing. It was too late in the night anyway. I told him to sleep on it and let me know today. He has been online and hasn't responded yet.

My question is what should I do here? Is it all over? Do I assume this is a breakup? Sorry about the long post and thanks in advance. Please help and be kind – am hurting bad.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave him alone. He wants to play the field, let him.
Don't sit around waiting for him to contact you. Stay away from his profile and go no contact.

[Rhia1978]

Thanks Homegirl50! He contacted me the day after - 'Seeya tomorrow'. I didn't respond to that.. then later at night he texted 'I'll come over'... and bit later 'I'll come over'. I didn't reply. Next day I texted and told him I had other plans since I thought we were on a break. He responded rather calmly. He said he and his friends were thinking of heading back to the city in any case and that he'll go to the place we had dinner at on Monday since it was 'so so good'. I didn't answer. I had a dinner date that evening - my mobile went flat, I thought I was being stood up and went back to the pub but my friends had left. I gave the bartender the mobile to charge but left for home without taking it back. Yes I was tipsy. I came home and was upset when I realised I didn't have the mobile. I didn't remember where I had left it and was bawling my eyes out when I called him and realised he was still in my neck of the woods. He told me he'll be over. He came over, calmed me down and sorted the problem out - spoke to the bartender, took his number and confirmed that he'll drop the mobile the next day. He stayed over and in the morning not only did he give me a massage without me even asking... but he was making plans to head to the football with me once the season started. He also said 'this break won't happen I guess'. I didn't mention the online dating. I had told him the night before that I had a date. I cannot remember his reaction. In fact I don't think he reacted at all. In the morning I asked him what his plans for the weekend were - he said he was meeting his family and that's it. No mention of dates. He asked me about my weekend and when I hesitated about Sunday he said 'do you have a date?'. I told him I would be hanging with my best friend. I do have a date but I didn't want to tell him. After he left I got my mobile - so I rang him and thanked him and he said 'see no need to cry or worry'. It was lovely of him I think. Later in the day I sent him a text - 'thank you once more - you were there when I needed you. Y'day was special for me and I feel comfortable with you - I feel I can trust you :) Let me know when you are free - want to see you soon'. It's been over a day and I haven't heard back from him. Am not stressing about it much - just telling you. I have hidden my acct since I need a break myself. I am not checking his because I know that will hurt me. Not sure why he'd be that kind to me - I so needed someone to help me and he was there for me. My friends are very impressed with him but still the 'casual' and 'dating other people' business along with the online dating profile is bugging me. I don't want to scare him or push him. I will go on my dates but I rather just commit to him. Any insight? Thanks in advance!

[Homegirl 50]

Keep it casual, no overnights, no sex in fact I would not contact him. If he wants to talk to you let him initiate it. Don't chase him or appear needy

[Rhia1978]

Thanks once more! He's replied to my fake profile - 2 emails - one on Friday & the other on Sunday. I am thinking of testing him & seeing if he's up for a hook up. If he says yes then I'll let him know that I'd shown his pic to a friend of mine & she said she's with him. Then I will send him the following text:

Hey a friend of mine has told me she's met you online. I know you want to be casual but I can't do it anymore. I have principles & slipped because I really like you. I don't like this kind of an arrangement. If you change your mind and want a real relationship where we are exclusive and date seriously enough to decide whether we are right for each other, call me.

What do you think? Or should I just not bother anymore & go no contact to start moving on?

[Homegirl 50]

Leave it alone. You already know he does not want an exclusive relationship and you do. You already know he is communicating On line.
Start no contact and move on. Stop looking at his page. Spare yourself the aggravation. You two don't want the same thing.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just drop it and leave it alone. Most likely he got what he wanted ( sex) and now he is ready to move on to another victory.