[blackdog85]

I have been with my girlfriend for over 6 years. We got together in college when I was 19. I'm 25 now and she just turned 27.

She's wanted to get married for the last 2 years but we never really talked seriously about it until this February (4 months ago). She came to me and said that she was thinking of moving on unless we were going to get married. I honestly thought we would get married for a while before this, but I still felt like we were young and I wasn't in a huge rush to get engaged. I took the time to look at my own situation and why I hadn't proposed and basically agreed that we would get married.

She got really excited after that. She immediately began searching for venues and we even had a date picked out for the wedding.

We had a trip scheduled for September to go with her family to Florida and I had a plan for a proposal there. However, I think that Valentine's Day and her birthday went by and I didn't propose which made her angry and upset. She said that she didn't want me to propose just because I was afraid of losing her. Honestly I do love her and I do want to marry her.

After I figured out how upset she was, I took the day off work and drove down to her parents' house in another state where she was staying. I didn't have a ring but I asked her to marry me and asked her to say 'No' so that I could keep asking her as many times as it took for her to believe that it was what I wanted too. I thought it was romantic at the time, but hey.. probably a miserable proposal in retrospect.

Anyway, she seemed to take the "say no" proposal pretty well and told me to 'keep asking her' in a sort of playful tone.

I was ready to give her a ring last weekend and she started the conversation by saying that she was really bitter and hurt about the way our semi-engagement had progressed and that she needed some time and space to figure things out and get over those bad feelings I guess. I didn't get a chance to propose/show her the ring and my family thinks that I need to show her the ring to let her know that I'm for real. Its been one week since she asked for space and I haven't contacted her at all.

I don't want to push her away, but I also know that 9 times out of 10, the 'need space' thing means that we're going to break up. How should I interpret the situation and move forward?

[mmresd]

The way to handle a request for space is to give it to her. You say you don't want to push her away. And while leaving her alone MAY make her break up with you, there is still a chance for her to come to her senses. However, if that space is not given then she WILL break up with you because you will be pushing her away by not respecting her wishes. Back off, and let her sort out her own thoughts.

Good Luck,
Javi

[talaniman]

Get the ring, and get to her side, and do this right. No More crap or games, just do it right, and take your chances with the outcome. I do mean right NOW!!

Then elope, and do the deed immediately, IF she says yes!

[Jake2008]

It seems to me to be a bad omen, that things are going so wrong even before the engagement. What will happen when you do give her the ring- will things get back to normal? Or will she then be upset that the wedding isn't happening soon enough?

It seems odd to me that if she were so totally in love with you that she would react so dramatically to an 'official' engagement. It seems that you didn't do enough, fast enough, or on her terms enough, and she's punishing you.

This is who you want to marry?

I can tell you that the engagement and the wedding are very small parts to a relationship that should be poised to last a lifetime. The formality of actually getting engaged, and in your case, the resulting confusion and game playing, doesn't add up to the enormous commitment to be faced ahead.

If this is how she reacts before even being out of the starting gate, what's next.

While I agree that when the two of you decided to forge ahead and make the commitment together by becoming engaged, why is that considered by her a 'semi engagement'. Many females pop the question too. The ring is only symbolic. You don't need a ring to be engaged.

Before you feel pressured enough to provide the ring, to make her happy, and mark the engagement as somehow 'official', I would seriously think about how committed she is, and how ready you both are to being married.

She's already asked for 'space' even though you ARE engaged. Finally handing over a ring isn't going to fix what's wrong here.

[jmw0713]

The whole proposal merry-go-round you played is not good and doesn't show her that you're very willing to commit. That is probably where her beef with you is.

This is what she is thinking "6 years together and he doesn't even know if he wants to marry me?? When heck am I still with someone who doesn't want to go all the way after all this time?"

This is a tough situation. How do you feel? Are you happy with the way things are going? Deep down inside, are you happy being with this woman? Do you find yourself getting angry or frustrated by her or her actions? If this is the case, maybe space would be good for both of you.

If you want her around then put that ring on her finger. If you are not sure then there is a very real possibility of her walking. Remember this is only an engagement, not marriage. It can still be broken off if things don't work out. However, once you walk down that isle and say "I do." it's a whole different ballgame my friend.

Good Luck.

[blackdog85]

Thank you all for your responses, although they're all over the map. :) Definitely not a cut and dried situation at all.

She just got a new job and is looking for an apartment (we weren't living together before). I'm worried that the more that I wait and don't maybe just take a risk with another proposal, the more that I'm letting her slip away. I know that she has a lot going on already, but I don't see how letting her spend time away from me, without the two of us being in touch is going to make her feel better about our situation. Its certainly making me feel terrible.

I do love her, and the more that I have been without her and thinking about what kind of person she is, the more convinced I am that I want to spend my life with her. The rest of our relationship had been very smooth sailing. I believe that she was very committed to me over the rest of our time together before this happened. I don't know if she is questioning her feelings now or what.

[talaniman]

Find out!! Act like you want to spend your life with her if you really do!!

[rock21]

http://www.chotpotiadda.com/chatbd/