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nehapritam · Nov 30, 2010, 10:25 PM

I am 35. Married. Have a son. Since 3 yrs I am in relationship with a young guy who is 28 yrs old. We both love each other very much. I respect my husband, but I can't love my husband the way I love my lover. I feel like he is my soulmate. I really can't live without him.But I don't want to ruin my sons life, therefore can't leave my husband. What should I do?

nexuttu · Nov 30, 2010, 10:58 PM

The answer to this question is a really complicated one... Some would bring morals into the picture and say "stay were you are, it's the moral thing to do" ; others would "say follow your heart and do what makes you happy". I however am going to simply say that only you truly know what you want and that is what you should do.

Andrew916 · Dec 1, 2010, 12:07 AM

You have a son now. THAT is your priority.

Alty · Dec 1, 2010, 12:38 AM

Tell your husband that you want to stay married to him but have a little beef cake on the side.

I'm not going to tell you to stay in a marriage you obviously no longer want, but lying to your husband, cheating on him, that's not fair to him. He deserves better.

Either be in your marriage to make it work, or leave. You can't have both.

Andrew916 · Dec 1, 2010, 01:38 AM

How old is your son? I would try and make it work with your husband until the son is at least in his teens. This kind of thing can be traumatic on a young child. I've seen a lot of damage done to young children in these situations.

J_9 · Dec 1, 2010, 01:44 AM

You have a choice, live without him, or live without your husband and your son. I'm sure once they find out what you are up to, they won't want anything to do with you.

kaka67 · Dec 1, 2010, 02:12 AM

Then leave your husband.

He will survive. Your son will survive. And so will you.

If you don't love your husband let him go so he can find someone who does love him. He deserves that. He deserves to spend his life with someone who truly loves him, as do you.

But you must have a strange idea about respect if you think cheating on him is respectful..?

This doesn't have to be the traumatic, soul destroying event that your son will never get over, and start torturing puppies etc, that some may like to portray.

As long as you and your husband can act like adults.

pandead · Dec 1, 2010, 02:47 AM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kaka67 again.

I would go with that too (great answer, kaka.)
I'm not a huge fan of "follow your heart" advices, our hearts make us do stupid things very often. But I am certainly against dishonesty in relationships.

You wouldn't be the first couple to divorce and if you manage things well, you could make it work. Marriage is supposed to be forever but if it doesn't work, better end it than stay in a relationship where you will end up hating your husband because you'll feel trapped - and that is certainly not a good environment for a kid. Good luck.

GoingInsane · Dec 1, 2010, 07:19 AM

The children come first and also, I have seen this before.

He feels like he is your soul mate cause when you are together, it is just you and him, correct?

I have seen this before too, you are a mother with a fling on the side and the fling makes her feel like you are a kid in love again all over cause when you are with him, you and him are all that matter and the kids aren't in the equation yet. Trust me, most of the guys who play that game aren't up for the challenge of actually being there when the kids are in the picture and will only last a few months before they run off or you leave them. Sorry but most guys doing what he is doing make crappy family men.

Of course this also begs the question, why have you been having a lover on the side? You guys swingers or you having and affair and if that is the case, what caused the affair? Cause there is more here than you are telling unless you guys swing.

answerme_tender · Dec 1, 2010, 07:42 AM

Hey, wow how impressive that you are putting your sons well being before yours, by staying with a husband that you don't love just so your son will have the financial stability that he needs!

Of course you willl be around to teach him that when he grows up and happens to take vows of marriage that they will mean nothing, and you can show him by example how easy it is to be a lying cheat. Of course you can explain that him giving up his morals is okay, because if you don't love someone. But its okay to start screwing around with someone else just say that its his soul mate and that will justify everything.

When you give up your soul to break you vows to sleep with your so called "soulmate" there is always a payment to be made!!

jmooney527 · Dec 1, 2010, 08:02 AM

Yea stay with your husband so your son has a "normal" life. I'm sure he won't be messed up from learning about how his mom was sleeping around on his Dad because she was too scared to separate and get a divorce.

Do the right thing! You're scared and you're looking for an excuse and validation to do nothing. Separate and get a divorce so your husband, you, and your son can have a happy life as opposed to one filled with lies and deception.

Sorry to be so harsh, but to be honest you had it coming ;)

Just_Another_Lemming · Dec 1, 2010, 10:45 AM

nehapritam, do you live in India? Was yours an arranged marriage?
Can you give us any more background information? Will your family disown you if you divorce your husband?

I am sure that you know what you are doing is wrong and eventually your husband, son, and family will find out about this. If you are in India as I suspect, will your lover be willing to marry you and take on the reponsibility of being a stepfather? Will his family accept you?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 1, 2010, 01:16 PM

Tell your husband what you are doing. Give him the choice of deciding if he wants to stay with you.
Is your soul mate going to be willing to take care of you and your son?
What you are doing is dishonest and deceitful.

Enigma1999 · Dec 1, 2010, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by nehapritam

I am 35. Married. Have a son. Since 3 yrs I am in relationship with a young guy who is 28 yrs old. We both love each other very much. I respect my husband, but I can't love my husband the way I love my lover. I feel like he is my soulmate. I really can't live without him.But I don't want to ruin my sons life, therefore can't leave my husband. What should I do?

I would tell your Husband, then I would suggest leaving him. I realize that you want to stay with him for the sake of your child. However, something like this could destroy your son. By that, I mean, staying in an unhealthy cheating marriage. Your son could catch on, doing more damage to him, then just being honest with your Husband.

Also, it's unfair to your Husband to go on through this marriage believing that you are 100% devoted to him. After all, he deserves better then that.

I agree with everyone else, your son will get over this eventually.

If you respect your Husband so much, then tell him the truth.

Good Luck.

Rose2010 · Dec 2, 2010, 01:17 PM

You should have ended your marriage before your fling. Now the least you can do is be honest with your husband and son. If you want to pursue things with your "lover" you have to wait until your marriage is over. Honestly I don't know how people can be so cruel and act like their actions are out of their control. I don't believe they are. I just think that people make bad choices and behave badly.

What you should be doing is setting a good example for your son and come clean.