[Nzou]

I love my girlfriend with all my heart and she loves me as much. She is my soulmate. She is a strong christian, strongly following the seventh day adventist teachings. I am strongly catholic with a strong catholic background. We tend to argue a lot when we talk about religion because of those differences. We try as much as possible not to talk about religion but the issue has some way of coming up. Im really worried that our relationship may break because she seems to have started to believe that it's a very big issue. Help me avert a break up. Is there any way that we can find common ground in this? I can't change my beliefs and she also can't.

[Clough]

Hi, Nzou!

I know that this is difficult for both you and your girlfriend.

Where I'm house and dog-sitting right now, the wife is a Christian and the husband is Jewish.

I'm much closer to her than I am to him. It took me a number of years to approach her as to how they made their love work, in spite of their differences in the ways that they believe.

If I remember correctly, she said something about their love transcending their religious beliefs. Their respect for one another and that they have differences is something that they accept. There are far more reasons for them to be together other than their religious beliefs.

They both will attend services together at their places of worship and also partake in certain ceremonies that are idiomatic to their respective religions.

They share these things together, and have a respect for why each of them believes as they do.

My thought is, if you love each other for other things and also have a respect for why the other person might believe the way that they do, and if you love so many things about each other, get along with each other in various other ways other than about religion, have friends together with whom the two of you together get along, share so many other things together, that this sort of uniting of the spirits can work.

It can be difficult. But, it won't be as difficult if the two of you agree to share the differences that you have, and accept that as being a part of why you make a great couple.

Hopefully, others will also come along to voice their opinion.

Thanks!

[Fr_Chuck]

So what is it that you fight about ?

The sabboth is and was always Saturday, Catholics agree to that, only that we are not bound to it,

The diet of the SDA is great and from merely science everyone needs to follow it more closely.

There aer so many things the two groups have in similar, why not work about them

[artlady]

Since the similarities are so in tune ,believing in Jesus Christ as your savior being the ultimate one,what are your arguments about?

God most clearly reveals His character in three great events. The first is His creation of man and woman--and His giving them the freedom of choice. He created humans with the ability to choose to love Him or to hate Him! The death of Jesus Christ, God's only Son, on the cross as our substitute is the second great event. In that act He paid the penalty we deserve for our hateful choices toward God and His ways. Jesus' death guarantees forgiveness for those choices and allows us to spend eternity with Him. The third event confirms the first two and fills every heart with hope: Christ's tomb is empty! He is alive, living to fill us with His love!

Isn't that what it really boils down to ,the love of Christ?
Do you think he would want you to quarrel over such a thing?
I suggest you speak to your priest as a couple and her elder as a couple and see if they can not give you the insight you need.

Can either of you differentiate between Catholic and Seventh Day in that quote?

[Nzou]

She starts by mocking my church with those popular accusations like, saying we exhalt the pope too much, our baptism is wrong... I try not to argue but then as I try to explain my faith she argues a lot. The argument becomes so emotional every time. It seems she doesn't want to accept that I follow catholic beliefs. I accept her SDA beliefs, I'm not a religious extremist. If only I had enough knowledge to explain our similarities. Can anyone tell me the similarities between catholic culture and SDA culture. What I am most interested in is the culture, e.g. Value of communion. More like what Fr_Chuck was giving.

[artlady]

She starts by mocking my church with those popular accusations like, saying we exhalt the pope too much, our baptism is wrong... I try not to argue but then as i try to explain my faith she argues a lot. The argument becomes so emotional everytime. It seems she doesn't want to accept that i follow catholic beliefs. I accept her SDA beliefs, im not a religious extremist. If only i had enough knowledge to explain our similarities. Can anyone tell me the similarities between catholic culture and SDA culture. What i am most interested in is the culture, e.g. Value of communion., More like what Fr_Chuck was giving.

If you are serious about your relationship,you go talk to her religious counsel and she goes and talks to your religious counsel.Together you learn and grow.

You need a third party here.

It is wonderful that you love each other but relationships take work,start by talking to a third party who can answer all of there issues for you.

[artlady]

She starts by mocking my church with those popular accusations like, saying we exhalt the pope too much, our baptism is wrong... I try not to argue but then as i try to explain my faith she argues a lot. The argument becomes so emotional everytime. It seems she doesn't want to accept that i follow catholic beliefs. I accept her SDA beliefs, im not a religious extremist. If only i had enough knowledge to explain our similarities. Can anyone tell me the similarities between catholic culture and SDA culture. What i am most interested in is the culture, e.g. Value of communion., More like what Fr_Chuck was giving.

You NEVER mock anyone's religious beliefs.You agree to disagree and walk away but to mock is to mock your own belief because I know of no God who believes in degradation for belief.
How do you justify being a good Christian if you can not open your eyes to what is true? The truth is LOVE and you can call it any name you want but when you fight about it,you lose it.
AND you lose the concept!

There is no higher power who would condone such a thing.

This is the kind of crap that starts wars. More wars are started in the name of the Lord than anything else,not the way it is meant to be.

[talaniman]

Your problem is not that you have different beliefs, the problem is showing respect to your partner.

You seem to be willing to learn, and work with her, but she does not.

Its really simple, without respect there can be no love, so you better make sure your not the only one working on this relationship.

It will work, if you work together.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, the issue here appears to be, from your sdie of this, her mocking your beleifs,

There are of course differences, Catholics along with other protestant groups believe in Apostloic lines, where pastors need to be properly ordained by Bishops who can track their lines back to Chist. And for baptism of course an issue I addressed a few days ago, the majority of christain faiths cathoic and protestant use infant baptism.
So to attack your practice of faith she also attacks those of many many other groups.

And as the Catholic church puts a lot of respect into the position of the Pope, the SDA almost live on every word that Ellen White wrote. ( not that she did not have a lot of great teachings, yes I have read a lot of them)

So at this point you need counseling, for her ( or both) need to learn to shut up and don't attack the others, or to learn the good of eachs faith.

But I will be honest, too many are closed minded, we get those experts here that if it is evern related to catholic, it is wrong, and some even try and say catholic is almost like being the anti christ.

Why was this not worked out long before the marriage,
Do you take turns going to each other churches each weekend, or even hers on Sat and yours Sat night or Sunday ?

[Nzou]

She has never invited me to her church despite me suggesting I come with her, I don't want to be pushy on that isue. She does not care about other churches. This is all about my church and her church. We talked about this and have decided to work more on our similarities and respect our differences.

[Fr_Chuck]

Wonder why she would not allow you to come, sounds strange that she would not want to share her church.

I can only advise counseling, and trying to get each to visit each other churches

[Nzou]

I have invited and gone to my church with her a number of times. Hope she will invite some day. When that happens id like it to be purely her idea without me having had influenced it.

[JaneDoeyed]

Hi Nzou, did you and your girlfriend ever resolve this? I'm in the same boat with my boyfriend. We've talked about marriage but he refuses to let the kids be Catholic.

[Nzou]

@JaneDoeyed We kind of solved it. We just accepted our differences and everything is fine now. The thing is that we really don't have that many differences unless we try to dig deep into the it, so with that in mind all is well. If you really are in love, all that stuff doesn't matter... How is the situation like with your boyfriend.