[courtney7106]

I really hate taking the pill. Ive always hated the thought of being on because. My family wants me on it and my boyfriend says it is my decision. Im only taking it because everyone wants me to. It makes me really emotional and I hate the hassle of taking it. I don't want to change just because I don't like taking it at all.

[justcurious55]

Well, it really is a personal choice. Why does your family have any say in this at all?

This would really be a good thing to discuss with your doctor. Have you tried other birth controls? Not all pills are the same. Your doctor may have other options for you to try that might work out better for you. And if you don't want the hassle of having to take it daily there's also shots, iuds, and the ring, just to name a few you could ask your doctor more about.

[ScottGem]

If you are going to be sexually active and are not planning to have a child, then you need to be on SOME form of birth control. But you have many choices besides The Pill. The Pill is just the most convenient.

[courtney7106]

Well.. I am 19 and I had a miscarriage not too long ago with the guy I have been with for 2 and a half years. We plan on getting married once he has a stable job. My family and his pushed me into taking the pill. I really hate it though.

[Fr_Chuck]

So you want to have a child and start a family,

You are working ? And able to support the child

[courtney7106]

I am 19, I just feel it is my decision, but I don't want to make the wrong one. My family think having a baby at 19 is horrible, but after losing mine, it doesn't sound terrible to me.

[courtney7106]

That isn't #1 on my list right now but it wouldn't be terrible. No, I do not have a job, but my boyfriend is trying. I also have some financial support from my parents passing.

[justcurious55]

How long will your current support last if you were to have a child right now?
You figure you'll need more doctor's visits, which likely means co-pays. Prenatal vitamins. Maternity clothes. And then a hospital bill when you actually have the baby. And then for the baby you'll need a carseat, stroller, diapers, clothing (and keep in mind how fast babies grow), bottles and formula. Unless you plan to breast feed, then you'll want nursing bras and nursing pads. You'll need things like blankets, a crib, you might want a swing or comfy rocking chair too. And this is just the first year. This is at least an 18 year commitment. I can't imagine you inherited enough to support yourself and a child for that long. And if his family and the rest of your family wants you on the pill I can't imagine they'll be all that willing to help out too much financially.

I agree 100% that this is entirely your decision. But, if you do become pregnant, whether you've been using birth control, that child will also be 100% your responsibility. And it wouldn't be fair to you, the child, your families, or tax-payers for you to willing and deliberately (by failing to use birth control) bring a child that you can't support into this world.

[ScottGem]

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Please use the Answer options for followups.

I'm sorry, but you sound immature and shortsighted. You seem to have no clue of what the impact of a child can have on your lives. There is a reason why "My family and his pushed me into taking the pill." Because THEY understand that you are not ready for the emotional and financial burden that having a child entails.

Part of that immaturity is displayed in your answers. We have told you that the pill is not the only alternative, yet you seem to ignore that and focus on that you don't want to take the pill. So don't, but don't not using any birth control because you are clearly not ready for a child.

[courtney7106]

I am asking for your opinion on whether I should or shouldn't take birth control, not on your opinions about me as a person, so for now on when you feel that someone on this website is immature, you should probably keep that to yourself and remember they didn't ask you that. You are clearly a very rude person and have more than likely never been through crisis, but see normally I would keep that sort of thing to myself.

[courtney7106]

This is for scottgem...

[justcurious55]

I am asking for your opinion on whether i should or shouldnt take birth control, not on your opinions about me as a person, so for now on when you feel that someone on this website is immature, you should probably keep that to yourself and remember they didnt ask you that. You are clearly a very rude person and have more than likely never been through crisis, but see normally I would keep that sort of thing to myself.

Fine, you want us to spell it out for you, STAY ON BIRTH CONTROL.

Scottgem made a valid point. You are clearly not ready for a child. You have no means of supporting a child, and you either ignore or get upset over our suggestions. Welcome to the internet, you don't always get what you want to hear out here. But just because you don't want to hear it doesn't automatically make it invalid.

[DoulaLC]

I agree... find a form of birth control you are comfortable with. Make a visit to your doctor to discuss all the options. It doesn't have to be one of hormonal ones if they don't suit you well.

You would be far better off, and so would your relationship and any baby you may have, if you waited until you were in a more stable situation. The stress of your boyfriend trying to find a job would only be added to if he felt the need to hurry with thoughts of having to support a child right away as well.

Are you looking for work? If you both work, you could focus on putting away a decent amount of money so that you can provide for a child how you would really like to be able to.

You may find that the two of you would like to set up house first... furniture, decorating, etc. add up. And it might be nice to have some time just for the two of you to maybe travel, consider more schooling perhaps if you had a specific career goal in mind, just having that time as a couple living together and getting settled, while wonderful, will still be stressful.

No need to add the possibility of morning sickness, backaches, leg cramps, moodiness, extra expense, sleepless nights, etc.. Into the mix so soon if you don't have to until you are in a better position to deal with it all.

[ScottGem]

I am asking for your opinion on whether i should or shouldnt take birth control, not on your opinions about me as a person, so for now on when you feel that someone on this website is immature, you should probably keep that to yourself and remember they didnt ask you that. You are clearly a very rude person and have more than likely never been through crisis, but see normally I would keep that sort of thing to myself.

First, you clearly don't understand how this site and sites like it work. When you post here you open yourself up to ANY comment on your situation. As long as a response does not violate our rules (if you think it does, report it) then any response is valid.

Second, You clearly don't know a thing about me because while I can be rude when its deserved I am not a rude person. The fact is that you got several answers telling you to take some form of birth control. Myself and others supported your not using the pill if you didn't feel comfortable but that you need to use something.

You opened the door here by telling us you didn't think it would be so bad if you did get pregnant. That opening is what led to my response about you not being ready for a child. I stand by my response. It was not rude, just telling you the facts as I saw them. And, In my opinion you need to be told this because of the attitude you displayed in your responses.

[courtney7106]

Well thank you. I was not rejecting your advice, I am just confused right now. My miscarriage has honestly made me want a baby, and whether that is right or wrong, that is how I feel. I love kids, but yes I would want to care for my child in the best way. I got a job today, and my boyfriend will leave for air force basic training in January. I guess I just thought with the money from that and my money together we would have enough. It doesn't matter because I wouldn't put my boyfriend in the situation of having a kid right now anyway because I love him too much to ruin his life. When you have no parents no friends who have been through this you get lonely and you think a kid would be the best. I will finish school and continue to save money and have a child after we get married. We plan on marrying sometime after basic training. Sorry for being so offensive. I am an emotional person and it really hurt my feelings. Sorry..

[courtney7106]

I wasn't getting upset over your suggestions. I was upset about the immaturity thing. OK I get it stay on birth control. Thanks.

[justcurious55]

have you tried counseling to help you cope with your losses? You mentioned your parents passing and then a miscarriage too. That's a lot to deal with. I'm glad you see that a child is not the best thing right now. Especially now that we also know your boyfriend is going in to the military right now. Your relationship with your boyfriend is already about to be put to the test. You do not want to bring a new child into the equation right now, it's not fair to anyone.

congratulations on the job. Start putting every penny you can away into savings so that when the time is right you and your boyfriend can marry, have a place of your own, and be able to provide for a child.

[ScottGem]

I am very sure that what I said did upset you. I felt I had to be blunt to get through to you and apparently it worked to some extent. Believe me, I understand the effects a miscarriage can have on someone, my wife has been through it. I support Justcurious's suggestion about counseling.

A miscarriage definitely leaves a void in you and trying to have another child is an understandable reaction to filling that void. But remember its YOU who feels the void. You would be having a child not as much to bring a life into the world but to fill that void. That's a wrong reason to have a child.

Finish school, build your savings, educate yourself more on what it means to raise a child and, when you are ready, I'm sure it will happen for you. And it will be better both for you, your husband and the child.

[courtney7106]

I went to counseling after my parents passed.. but I didn't feel like it helped any.