[cosmicjade26]

Since I'm new I'll introduce myself, the names Jade I'm 27, married with 4 yr DD and DS on the way (32 weeks today - if it's past midnight that is), oh yeah and I have 3 v/hungry cats.

I apologize for rambling on

Now my problem, something similar may have been posted but I haven't read anything so far, anyway it goes like this, as I mentioned I'm 32 weeks pregnant and hating it because of medical problems, but that's not my main concern, it's my hubby.

We have tried for this baby since DD was born and almost gave up (we even started process of adoption but got pregnant) we were both over the moon, and for the first 3 months the hubby was really interested and concerned for mine and the baby's health because of my medical issues (but all been cleared as non threatening), and then things changed slowly but surely, my hubby has always been incredibly sweet like offering to rub my feet if we were watching TV but like the night before our 20 week scan he told me I was selfish for asking for my feet rubbed and complaining of pain most of the time it really shocked me but it wasn't an argument it was a steady discussion and we went to bed on good terms, the next morning he wouldn't get up for the scan I shouted him down several times but he refused to get up, he told me to F Off so I went to the scan on my own (very upset- due to hormones and shock), it was nice to see my full baby for the first time but not as much as if hubby had been there, when I got back I spoke to him and asked what his prob was he said "i don't have the problem when are you going to your mothers" I wasn't planning to go see my parents but I did in the end and stayed a couple of days as he had said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby anymore then told me to leave.

There is more to the story but i think i have rambled on a bit much if anyone can offer and help on that or wants to know the rest of the story i will oblige.

Thankyou in advance

[AKaeTrue]

Yes, I think we need to know more. It's hard to know what's going on and to give advise based on what you told so far.

[cosmicjade26]

Ok Part 2 here goes,

I came back from my parents having rationalized that it was my house and if he didn't want us he would have to make the move (I have been on my own so I know I can cope, don't want to but will if I have to), we didn't speak for a few days and he even missed our anniversary which happened to be the day after the scan, he never said he was sorry at any point even though he did say he knew he'd been a pilock, when he was in a talkative mood I asked him what the problem was and he replied again there was no problem, I felt like I was having to walk on eggshells (and I'm the one who is supposed to be hormonal).

I left it knowing I wasn't getting anywhere. Now for the past couple of months he hasn't really shown any interest on this pregnancy, only if I bring it up like if baby's kicking I am at the alien stage and you can see limbs and he won't take it upon himself to touch or say "ooh look i can see baby moving", it was subtle at first and I just put it down to forgetfulness but now when I mention things like baby's moving or oh god that braxton was hard his response is "wot do you want me do get the sympathy wagon out everytime", and it's a bid shock because this is not him.

For the last couple of weeks we have had broadband back and I knew that he would be downloading RUDE vids to watch for a bit of right hand self love which doesn't bother me in the slightest, but for the last 3 nights, he has come to bed extremely late (no play for me), but the pinocle was this morn and tonight, I logged on to the computer this morn and found that he had joined a porn website which I wouldn't have been concerned at if it wasn't for the fact that it doubles as a chat site for webcam viewers, so that got me a bit steamed even though he may just be there for the pics and videos, but tonight, I went to bed early letting him know I wasn't happy he didn't follow but about 11pm I came downstairs to find he clicked off certain pages on the computer and was wearing nothing but his shirt and it stopped me in my tracks it really did knock me for six, I slightly shut the door a bit too hard and all he said was "wot the F's wrong with you" I ignored him made a drink went to the loo and went back to bed in tears, it has never bothered me before but since I got pregnant (bigger with it that is) I don't feel attractive anymore even though I do dress nice and do my hair and makeup, but he doesn't make things any better by having his dates with his computer and right hand.

If I can think of anything else I will post, I hope someone can help me sort this out in my head cause I don't know wot's happening.

[AKaeTrue]

I think it's hard for a man to really know what's going on inside our bodies and bellies when us ladies are pregnant. I had the same disappointments with my husbands reactions (or lack of) when I would feel and see the limbs of my children protruding through my stomach. They just don't get it. My husband told me that he was excited at first, but then it gets to be old news, kind of like watching a replay over and over again because he don't feel what's going on inside.
Your husband probably don't have a problem with you per say, he's probably just tired of hearing all the complaints about pregnancy and all the discomfort it brings. Some men can try to put themselves in our shoes and be sympathetic, but some can't and simply don't understand.
I would be concerned about why he didn't go to see the baby's scan with you. Maybe he stayed up to late having sex with his PC and he was to tired to wake up - shame on him.
Are you guys still intimate at this stage of the pregnancy? If so and your game, try some new stuff - like what ever it is that he seems to like so much online.
I think he should be more supportive, but you can't force someone to do that unfortunately. Just try to keep your composure the best you can.
His remarks to you make me feel that he's just tried of hearing how exhausting pregnancy is... Probably nothing personal.

[chuff]

Well this is going to probably sound like a strange question considering you don't say anyting close to it, but Does your husband have reason to believe you cheated on him?
The reason I ask is you already have one child and he didn't offer this problem and he was even into this first one until he just stopped one day. I mean he could be and probably is addicted to porn but would that really make him just change completely in one day? I have to think there is something more to this.

[cosmicjade26]

Chuff to answer your question, DD isn't my husbands, I became pregnant with her on the pill in a violent relationship, when he (my dd's dad) found out I was pregnant (at six weeks) he chucked me out the house, I have been with my present husand since she was 4 weeks old but thanks for the thought.

[talaniman]

Men will hide a lot of things, fear, worry, concern etc. A second baby coming and you are excited, but he may feel neglected in some way as your attentions are not his exclusively any more. This love affair with porn and your reaction to it helps nothing, but he is dealing with his own demons and that's something he must deal with himself. Sometimes females do not realise the life changes babies make in a mans life such as the money situation and all the worries that come with it. And sharing his woman with greedy rug rats that take all your attention! I know those feelings very well, and trust me it takes time to get over it and began to think rationally again, usually when after birth and they start bonding with the babies. Just know he is going through your pregnancy in his own way, and it takes time and patients to get through all of this. He is a bit insecure right now so I love you and pluck his ear every now and then may help. You were so lucky with the first child this one brings its own problems because he knows this one is his. Be patient.

[cosmicjade26]

Your probably right TALAN, getting him to talk is like getting blood out of a stone, even though latley it's been eggshells, with regards his porn it never upset me before in fact we used to watch it togerther and the sex was always good but last night it got to me because he hasn't seemed interested in me, and I don't feel as sexy as I used to so it doesn't help, I tell girls all the time that a man engaged in self love has nothing to do with his fancying her unless the sex as seriously gone down hill and then it may be a problem, but for me sex has gone down hill, I haven't been able to orgasm since getting pregnant but that's cause he doesn't push as hard, he already explained that he was worried he would hurt baby so he held back which I have fully accepted but there isn't any love making anymore it feels more like a chore. I can't wait for him to bond with baby and hopefully things may get better when he is born.

[AKaeTrue]

Can sex, or hard sex, for that matter actually hurt the baby? I was always told by my doctors that it didn't effect or hurt the baby one bit.

[s_cianci]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate a little here. Your husband may be in a mindset that it's been all about you (with your pregnancy and medical issues) and he may be feeling a little resentful. Coupled with that is the responsibility you two share for caring for your other child. To an extent I can maybe see where your husband's coming from in that regard. If all he ever hears about is you and your problems, that can get pretty annoying after a while. But there's another side to the issue as well and one which your husband (and you too, for that matter) may not be seeing. In a marriage, things go in cycles. Right now you're the one in need of support and he has to be the strong one. But 10 or 20 years from now the reverse may be true. Suppose he develops heart disease or diabetes or some other chronic health problem that renders him disabled. Then the shoe will be on the other foot. They always say that marriage is 50-50 and I believe it to be true over the long haul. However, that isn't necessarily the case every single hour of every single day. Throughout a marriage there will be alternating cycles of one spouse doing more giving and the other doing more taking. Then it'll reverse and cycle around. What I'm really trying to say is that your husband needs to come to the realization that right now he has to carry more of the weight. But there will be times in the future when you'll have to carry more of the weight. In the end, if the marriage is a healthy one, things will balance out.