[Asher]

For the past few days, I've been feeling lifeless. I don't know where to go or what to do outside my home.

I have a few hundred dollars, but I don't want to spend it or else my mother would get angry at me. That pisses me off, really. I may seem happy on the outside, but I'm really not. I'm thinking of getting a part time job, but I'm too afraid of starting new in a different environment. I really wonder if starting new is that bad because I hear the experiences of others.

I'm starting to get afraid of other people as well, even though I mentally trained myself not to care what they might think about me. Well, that mental barrier is fading away. Most likely, it's because I'm still not confident in my people skills because I'm not good at starting and continuing conversations. I can try to talk during the first five minutes, but it gets quiet afterwards. Really quiet.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because she wasn't interested in me anymore. She either "seemed" uninterested or she was just using me the whole time for college applications and English homework during the two weeks we were "together". After that experience, I felt like I'm constantly being used by other people for their own benefit, not my own. Even though she's out of the equation, I've been constantly wanting a new relationship because I hate my most recent failure with a passion. I always get jealous watching other couples, in a state of bliss, while I, staring off into the distance, barely have any girl "friends".

I truly don't want to return to my previous state of depression or loneliness a few months ago and I feel like it's surfacing once again. It reached to the point of me yelling back at my mom for cooking a lot of food everyday. I'm dependent on other people, yet I'm not at the same time. I've been getting frustrated over things and I really wanted to punch a wall in or throw a tantrum. I can't find mental balance in my life anymore. Please help me with some input and guidance.

[ordinaryguy]

I may seem happy on the outside, but I'm really not. I'm thinking of getting a part time job, but I'm too afraid of starting off new in a different environment. I really wonder if starting off new is that bad because I hear the experiences of others.

I think a part-time job is a great idea, or better yet, volunteer work. There's nothing like helping other people who have it worse than you do to get yourself off the pity pot. Also, a work-type situation is a good way to have interactions with other people without the pressure of so many social expectations. Everybody has a job to do, and what talking and interaction goes on can be related to that, with a little joking and informal banter thrown in, but not having to feel like you're a stand-up performer playing a tough room.

It sounds like maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and confident, when the reality is, you're seventeen and insecure and uncertain, like most seventeen year olds are, if the truth be told. You're really not so different, just more introspective and sensitive and self-critical than most. Lighten up and have some fun. Most people are so preoccupied with their own insecurities that they don't even notice yours.

[MISSIBAYBE]

One way to cope wit your lonliness is maybe chatting online. You can meet great people and maybe even start new relationships. That should help with your people skills since it's usually silent anyway and it would give you time to think about what else you could talk about. Getting a part time job will also help you with your money situation. That's great that your mom wants you to save but maybe if you tell her your budgets and plans on how to spend and save your money, she won't mind as much. You could join a club or sport at school. Take on a new hobby. Don't worry about the ladies, they will come when the time is right and that time will be after you learn to love yourself and have the confidence you need to have others love you! This is the perfect time for you to find out from other lady friends what they're looking for in a potential boyfriend. Have fun with your guy friends!! You're still young! Enjoy the freedom!

[AKaeTrue]

Hi There,
Depression can sure be the pits. I would suggest you follow the advice given by Ordinaryguy. It's really good.
Missibaybe had some good suggestions too. Just be careful about meeting people online. They can sometimes set out to deceive others as it is quite simple to do.
You definitely should get out of the house - even if it's just going for a walk around the block.